Settling .. thinking stop thinking, ..

Today time seemed to move in slow motion. I went around cleaning up things around the house ,dusting, the usual .Figuring what to make for supper . .. knowing I had time because my hubby had texted to say he was working late. I watched my day time soap and then as I was waiting for the washing machine to finish I sat outside on my swing closing my eyes trying to stop thinking .. reflecting back to what my daughter had told me earlier in the day.. ( read my post before this) couldn’t imagine how that family was coping with this loss … I looked up at the blue sky and thought how beautiful it was and the same word echoed in my mind…..why? Does God know why ? Does he understand ?

I worry about this I must admit because I have a daughter that suffers from such anxiety since high school she is doing much better now , has her moments but gets through . She is so sensitive which I believe is what makes me so nervous .. I know when she hears about suicide it breaks her heart . She has such a big heart . After sitting outside for a bit I knew it was not doing me any good because I just sat there swinging back and forth which usually I love but I was thinking thinking to much . I got up and made myself busy until finally the washing machine was done.. About 2hrs later my daughter walked into the house alone I looked around for her boyfriend she was with earlier … no where to be found . She stated he would be here soon was with his family getting a car from them and I just wanted to come home and wait for him . I didn’t push , I watched as she went down to her place and came back with her book in hand and settled on the couch as she asked what I was doing … I stated not much sat in the living room with her with my book . I knew she was needing some quiet time but also wanted to talk but not , always when she grabs a book. she then said said I think everyone is at the beach I was like what ? she said on Facebook everyone for the most part is saying their at the beach ..going to the beach …you will see this all summer posted on there . I told her yeah I’m sure. Do you want to be ? she said no not at all just wonder why it has to be plastered all over Facebook . I thought to myself that’s what happens on there . People need to state where they are . I rolled my eyes to myself . I just replied well then stay off Facebook . Take a break from it. She sighed .

Sometimes I believe life is only exciting for some if they state all their where about’s and play how happy they are to the world … but are they? . Or just need to brag or just like to state where they are . I do understand my daughters point. I grew up without it and I think life was easier . We lived our life’s did what we wanted and no one had to really know. I think that’s why getting back into reading again and doing projects . Plus waiting for my journal I want to start and so believe it’s a perfect time .not going to say anymore until I receive it. I believe will be a great blessing. 🙂 Tonight I settled in and watched my hubby and i’s favorite summer show . America’s got Talent. Now he is snoring away and I was trying to read but my eyes started to get heavy . My son is settled in for the night my daughters with her boyfriend so I think I will say my prayers and get some sleep .. hopefully I can finish saying them before I find myself falling asleep., yes my prayers are long.. ❤️

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Anxiety…

Hmmm.. being a mom is such an amazing most beautiful feeling .That first moment whether it’s your 1st 2nd etc amount of children you have that special moment holding them in your arms and them looking up at you is like no other feeling you will ever know and you want to hold on to them and never ever let them go . You will protect them with all your might. There is nothing you wouldn’t do to keep them from hurting or succeeding in life…..but then the teenage yrs come and they turn into a person you know is your child but this attitude this whole new person standing in front of you is not that little girl or boy you held in your arms not that long ago okay well yes very long ago. Many moons ago but to a mom the time is irrelevant You know that little child is in that grown body some where now telling you their fine they got this let me be . Oh but those are words you thought you would never hear or would of taken a little bit longer to get here then it did. Why does time have to fly by so fast .

My mind keeps counting how many months to graduation and my anxiety grows.. every college application every moment waiting for that email or letter in the mail and seeing if they get in or the disappointment on their face when one college has gotten back to them and it’s a not at this time . So you watch them wait for the next . Oh and as the wait goes on you think how one step closer they will be-to starting this journey of life . As a parent a mom that journey also consists of change for us as well … figuring out what we do now when all you really have done has been a stay at home mom ,one because it worked and two because of my disability . ..But still what to do ? So my anxiety is up and flaring and I’m trying to change some things now so it won’t be so hard when he is off. Oh believe me he’s helping this hahaha my son and daughter are not home much my daughter the oldest is here more she has a place downstairs and a steady job and saving up and paying her car off so she is comfortable at the moment with her kitty living here with her . My son the youngest is ready to run . They are so opposite and it’s coming to light so much more now that their older … anyways my son is helping this change he’s usually at practice the gym with friends ,working or hiding out in his room that part is nice 🙂 I must say I’m happy I have this blog it keeps me busy and something to look forward too plus I love my adult coloring and I’m reading more once again . Soon I can spend some time out with my friends and not worry about all the ice and snow . The days are getting longer. As I hope my spouts of anxiety get shorter 🙂

Long Day….

Today was a very long dreary day . My anxiety was up for once it wasn’t about worrying about my son I knew he was having fun on the slopes with his friends . It was from watching the snow fall endlessly all day and seeing the trees swaying back and forth . I felt  stuck in the house and being dreary out did not help. Boston  sadly is in rough shape over. A Foot of snow and coastal flooding so the schools and some business are closed tomorrow as well as for us too we got the call tonight that school is cancelled tomorrow due o the wind chill road conditions and busses not being able to start so a 3day weekend for us and the surrounding schools . My daughter will go into work tomorrow afternoon and my hubby will find out in the morning if he is to report.This is becoming a scary winter season ……can you say global warming or are we all going to be in denial to admit this. It’s been a very hot  stormy summer and now a very brutaly cold stormy winter. All of this is feeling pretty scary I must admit. This word is changing in so many ways and not all for the best makes me nervous. What can we do?  I’m just hoping for the sun  to come out at least even though it will be too brutal to go out . I just need the sun to shine . Let’s hope .Okay time for me to settle under thes blankets and try to get some sleep. Goodnight !

Over thinking….

So in this past month these two words have been brought to my attention .. I have heard don’t over think this….your over thinking ..hmm okay so I looked up what over thinking meant and okay I am an over thinker …okay I guess I have to agree to this and I have found that yes I always have been but in not as excessive as I am now and in the past it worked for me and helped me but now I’m finding it’s making me more anxious and making me feel just plain miserable and  I have to agree with what I read about it is I t can give you the since of the worst scenario and well it is which is not good so I think I’m going to try to stop over thinking if possible and let things go to a point. Okay yes easier said and done I am a thinker… but I just don’t know when it got to this point of making me feel horrible. .. any suggestions anyone ?  

Enjoying things ….rainy day

Yes …another rainy day. trying not  to let this dreary day bring me down. SO now that things around the house have been done and supper will be cooking shortly I have  enjoyed an extra cup of coffee with one of my blast in the past TV shows that I found months ago while flipping through channels because watching the news has not been very pleasant, the show is from the 80’s and it had a good running time I do not think a lot of people would remember it My hubby didn’t 🙂 It’s 7Th Heaven its such a great inspirational calm realistic feel good show and I enjoy it so much these days not to many good shows are on good shows. or role models for teenagers anymore  well if teenagers even watch TV shows at night because their busy on their phones.  well about that will save that subject for another day 🙂  Now back to enjoying things after supper and it’s cleaned up and my family and I are all  settled in for the evening I am going to enjoy some Adult coloring ,whoever discovered this for adults is a genius .It  takes my mind away for awhile when I want to be free of stressful things and it’s so much fun too .I have always love coloring when I was a little girl and now I can enjoy it as an adult and it helps relieve stress and anxiety . Now that is a good thing.  I do love to read but lately I cannot find a book that keeps my interests any idea’s would love some.