Confused..

I’m feeling a bit confused but most of all sad…. I’ve written 4 letters to my son more then anyone else in the family… yesterday my hubby and daughter each received a letter in the mail from my son .. my daughter said he sounded good but missed home and question that it seem that we were doing ok without him away it enlighten him . My husband s letter was good as well and he told him he was happy finally get letters from everyone but what about mom ? Is she sending any. Or is friends… I wanted to cry .. where are my letters … they never were sent back to me , so is someone else’s receiving them and holding my words from my heart that iso desperately for my son …. I hope he soon realizes I wrote and he just didn’t get them and that I wasn’t just too busy and free. I am never busy enough to not be there for my kids. If I have any luck at all it’s bad luck… I hope he can call this weekend . . I’m so confused I used the same envelopes address and there was no way you couldn’t read my handwriting the post office could… I just don’t know.. I guess it’s time to start this day . Even though there’s not much to do.. at least its Friday and now three days to hope he can call home.

Growing Up…

Night has arrived and my heart is heavy. Yes I’m probably thinking too much but isn’t that what night does sometimes to people who think too much…. Its the School April vacation week and it’s just not the same . The days are too quiet and normal . The nights have been quiet as well . No loud music playing shaking the walls down ,no laughter of a house full of kids. No not having all our food ate up .

Instead the walls are not shaking just the sound of a movie playing in my sons room no laughter unless it’s my son laughing about something in the movie and a house is full of food . I know he’s growing up . The high school yrs are just about over , he’s done with work the ski season job is over so looking in the mean time for another but not having much luck . So it’s been going to the gym then to sport practice and then maybe one night he ate out after with his track friends but has been home the past 4 nights . I know I shouldn’t complain but this is just not how he is .The friend group has changed so he’s not hanging around with friends that are constantly running in between everything, the friends he has are doing what he is doing and as he puts it chilling at home at night. Does he miss the running hmmm I don’t know but why do I feel sorry for him? He came home tonight after gym and practice made his special diet for supper showered and then put on a movie in his room .. about an hour later he texted me ….yes he did I was in the living room. He asked if I would make him a pb&j sandwhich . How could I refuse 🙂 I brought it to him and there he was in his bed in his comfy clothes watching his movie and looking content so maybe he’s not missing the running around … maybe he is just growing up. Or maybe he’s doing wha I’m doing and thinking too much and needs a movie for distraction🙄 a lot of changes are happening to him and it’s fine if he’s actually chilling himself 😂 I need to stop thinking myself and let him be ,soon it’s back to school ,exams prepping for graduation college signups so yes I need to let him be…oh nights can do a number on you and Facebook as well al the posting of who’s doing what ugh need to stop comparing our family with others . That actually is maybe the problem … and him as well he seems to be on it a lot okay I need to stop …. always a mom…. well I do not hear the movie anymore he must have gone to bed. What I should be doing. Along with my hubby who is fast asleep …okay think I will good night everyone …

Long Day….

A very long mentally exhausting day… moments on the phone dealing with financial aide and figuring out life that isn’t talking about my life but my sons …. yes defiantly something wrong with this picture …. be 17 and you think the world is yours hmm ..and things will just magically happened ….. NOT! ..Oh to be 17 and have your head in the clouds ….help! So yeah it got better towards night time when I’m trying to fix supper and my son in his mood comes home and throws a pkg of Hamburg on the stove to open and cook but the problem is the burner is still on because I’m still using it yeah the house filled with smoke I grabbed it but not fast enough the fire alarms are touchy but yeah there was smoke so they went off screaming through the house having Miss Abigail run for cover, my hubby running around and opening windows as my son stood there doing the blame game with me …oh boy let’s just say that didn’t last long I shut down and just glared when I do.not speak you know I’m done .. he just kept staring at me while we all finally sat at the table eating.. I have still said nothing even in his return from the gym.. I’m in my bed settling my mind or trying .. and flying the defeat flag tonight . Just tonight …

Groundhog Day

Yes today is Groundhog Day and as cute as this little guy is he bares bad news …. 6 more weeks of winter he saw his shadow. Ok in my part of the globe that would been amazing if he hadn’t so I guess I can’t blame him . So now he is back in his little hole his happy place nice and cozy and I’m back in my little happy place keeping cozy and warm even though the sun is shining and beautiful and bright it’s so cold today ,the wind is raging havoc and it’s always when I’m home for the day and evening with Miss Abigail that this happens and the house makes creaking and banging noises I know it’s only the wind whipping against the house but it’s still creepy. Any how now that winter has a ways to go I will keep busy reading adult coloring and keeping my son on track to get through the next 3more months of high school until he graduates .

Tonight he has his last meet for indoor track then it’s on to championships which he qualified for we couldn’t be more proud. My hubby will be at his meet tonight too much for my hip which I stated in my last posts but my heart is with him and he knows that . It’s an earlier one 3:45 to 6 instead of 6:45 to 9 :00 so hopefully he will be home earlier he should be unless his friends push to get together which as a mom I suggested it would be nice if he came home after it to get some decent sleep since he has not been sleeping to well and he has to get up for work in the morning . .. I waited for the eyes to roll but surprised they didn’t he kind of agreed . Will see. I know he is tired so this meet will either make him exhausted or give him an Adrenalin rush and he will want to stay out for a bit. Well my daytime soap is over and time to finish up a few things around the house no supper prep it’s a make whatever you want tonight when everyone gets home. Have a great day everyone.

Waiting ….

it’s 10:30 at night and this is what I’m doing …. playing Bubble Pop on my phone . You know why? because I’m waiting for my son to arrive home safely …. at 9:13he sent me. Text” leaving now” so I was like oh good he let me know and now about an hour later he is not home and it’s about a 20 min drive home from his girlfriends… was coloring but put it away and started playing this game and worrying … now he has texted me “sorry coming ” .. ughh relieved I heard from him since it’s been an hour but why has it been and now I wait some more…. my daughter is out has well I do not like nights like these and I never get use to them. Oh being a mom , a parent is so damn hard. Loving is so hard … you worry so much and it doesn’t .get any easier when they get older. My daughter is home now still waiting for my son. I quest I will go back to my game as I wait ..

Embarrassing Morning🙄

I slept in just a bit and finally pulled myself out of bed  heard people laughing in the kitchen dishes clanging so showered the night before  Ifreshened up ,brushed  my tenth tosseled my  curly mess of hair and figured ahh I’m presentable enough  so I go bobbing out to the kitchen in my comfy BAGGy night shirt thank god ..you will know why I emphasized  baggy hahaha and to add night  shirt has written on it coffee saves everything  and leggings  .  To find that it’s not my daughter and her friend but three boys…….ahhhh !!! My son and his two friends they look at me one friend who is always here is like hi Kim but the other friend looks as uncomfortable as I felt omg if I could of just push a back button I would not have walked out like that, so I grab a cup of coffee and walk into the living room ,my son comes in gives me his big smile knowing how embarrassed I am says in a whisper your fine  and says bye heading back to school now …ugh Senior yr means senior privileges so when he has a free block they can leave for it so they  decided to raid my kitchen …. so now enjoying my coffee in my big baggy night shirt🙄