It’s a cool Saturday night . The stars are out blanketing the stars like diamonds it’s very beautiful . My son has friends over their enjoying a fire … the last weekend before the big move in day for all of them in college. I can hear the bass from the radio their playing , echoing through the open windows and I’m sure laughter is to follow. My daughter is with Miss Abigail down In here place with a friend. So full house but deafening quietness inside. When your adult kids have company you do not bother them. Oh how the wind changes and life blows in a new direction whether we are ready or not….
It’s almost the weekend and a bit happy for it. Another week down ….and a bit closer to this summer season ending. I’m really not too sad about it . It’s been a summer of a lot of have to’s and a little want to’s . My husband had the week off which he needed , okay maybe? He was antsy and just couldn’t keep himself busy enough and well it was a stay home vacation . Because well birthdays have hit our wallets hard . We did take some day trips and my son took him golfing was going to take him hiking but the weather is not helping the matter. Now I’m fine with being at home . I have my routine my activities , hobbies , friends I enjoy. Well it’s been thrown off this week . I honestly believe I handle change and life so much more differently now . I do not ask for much except let me do my thing. And I believe I deserve and earned it. I’ve been a stay at home mom since the day my children where born and now that their young adults I am ready to let them go and do my thing. Now my husband is holding on as tight as possible to them and the routine we have lived by forever. 🙄 I love my kids but it’s time for them to live their life’s . And believe me they want to. And I need to mix things up a bit because yes I’m bored with the same routine . And I will not feel guilty about admiring this. … summer has brought new meaning to letting go. My son leaves for college in a week , he will not be that far away but it’s a practical thing for him to dorm with the winters we have here and he wants the time away as well. Changes are not alway a bad thing it’s a need . And I am so ready I can not state this enough. So onward to moving forward .
Go to sleep with a heavy heart , wake up with a heavy heart. When does it stop? This world is going in a sad direction more everyday. This life is not easy to begin with but to add more hate is not good. So I will think of the lives that have been lost and injured and pray that things will change. We can at least hope or can we .. is that going to be taken away from us too.💔
Hi everyone ! I have not posted on here in about 5 days which for me is a long time. My mind has been too preoccupied to write and not something I cannot really put into words … ( hahaha) it’s a matter of over thinking and being a mom who yes over thinks. 🙄 I will keep reading yours tho and commenting on your posts . I will be posting soon I Just need to learn the art of letting things go and learn worrying and overthinking does no good for anyone. Sadly being a mom we are all very good at that. Unless your one of the lucky ones who have masterc this art of letting go and letting things just be. I know eventually I will exhaust myself in doing so and then may be able to conquer this new chapter in my life. I will be posting soon . Please just be patient with me 🙂
It’s the first day of summer. I woke refresh after the night before not getting much sleep . Took a quick shower then enjoyed my coffee while talking with my son .. well I was talking he was busy on his new laptop he purchased for college in the Fall. A bit later my daughter and I headed out grabbed some coffee her first my second of the morning. Then checked out prices on tires for my car and a stop at the appliance store to purchase an air conditioner for our living room . We have them in the bedrooms but the living room and kitchen gets unbearable so bought a small one that should do the job. Paid some bills and headed home. Cleaned up the house as I heard my son leave on his motorcycle and my daughter with her boyfriend , I turned up the stereo and got lost in the music as I cleaned .. thankfully no one was home as I love to sing 🙂 the humidity cleared and the night is cool so I made chocolate chip cookie bars as my hubby enjoys the baseball game.
Now let me just say this was a different first day of summer for me. In the past it would start off with my kids begging to get to the community pool so making up sandwiches to bring and a lot of water . Pile towels into the car and off we go take in the sun the friends until it was time to call it a day and get home to cookout for dinner and a movie together till bed. Aww how I miss those days. Weekend nights at the drive-ins , ice cream rides, still have bonfires even as time went by it would be the start of kids driving .. so the door to our house opening and shutting …well more like slamming more then I can count . Kids friends hanging out outside or in their room music echoing from my sons bedroom walls And sound of giggling girls from my daughters room . To quietness of them falling to sleep or leaving. Then last year it changed it became a bit quieter my youngest graduating from high school as yrs before my daughter. My daughter with her boyfriend on days off from work or with friends . My son with friends .. and hubby and I having more bonfires with the rest of our family members .Saturday suppers out to different eatery’s , daytime car rides the two of us , occasional outings for a coffee run with my daughter all the things that become the new or I should say start of the next journey of life after kids . My son enlisting in The Army National Guard so that meant he had to be on his best behavior doing training at nearby base until heading to Missouri in the Fall. Less running here and there and everywhere .
This first day of summer as you see is no different then last summer a bit more quieter my son working until 10 then going out with friends will be asleep by the time him and my daughter arrive home. Now just the baseball game and the smell of fresh baked cookies. For my hubby and I . Miss Abigail having a treat of being with hubby and I tonight roaming to one window to the next looking out to the dark summer night . . Did capture this guy as it was getting dark heading off to settle for the night . Now going to read my book until I fall asleep . Happy First day of summer everyone 🙂
Outside my door the winds have calmed the storms have passed ..for now. Settled in last night with my new book . After about 45 mins later I put my book down and shut the light off. It wasn’t that the book wasn’t good it was . I just wanted to lay there in the darkness and watch the flash of the lighting and hear the roll of the thunder . Love nighttime storms. As the storm came through flashing shadows on my wall I laid there taking it in thinking about the Memorial Day weekend approaching .. like everything things change. I know a part of life. Even if I wanted time to to stop it would not ..even for a moment . Even laying there watching the storm was different… my daughter at some friends house . My son tired from work in bed as well as my hubby just I watching it .No kids running into the bedroom or sitting in our living room watching counting between the lightening flashes. Just I … As this Memorial Day approaches this will not be the same as well. Yes they’ll be a cookout ,bonfire on one of the days but less around the fire. but our hearts with them . No friends sleeping over , no sleeping out in a tent and being waken by kids running in as fast as they can to sleep on the living room floor because they heard something in the woods. No movie nights with buckets of popcorn and wide eyed kids as they watched .No just my hubby and I watching a movie , or sitting and watching the stars , taking a ride . As our door swings open and close as my kids come and go from work. I will embrace this change and then the next one and the next one. But for now I will embrace this moment . with a smile on my face and also a tear in my eye.
The weekend was beautiful despite the rain. This week though even with the sun finally showing itself I just feel this dread or something .. I cannot place this feeling it’s nothing to do with a lack of energy ..oh that I have a lot of .I do know I put myself back in that mom take care mode .. okay you are probably thinking what is so wrong with that ? Well a lot is wrong with that. I’m back in my mode and I promised myself when my son came home after Basic and being away for 6 months I would get on my own routine . And when my son got on that plane that first day . I was good had to be this is what he wanted ..my hubby and I hugged him and let him go and then hubby and I headed home with a coffee stop . And a phone call from him asking if we were home since he had a 2hour wait till his flight I knew he was missing us already being his first time away all to be expected. When we arrived home I cleaned up the house . Room by room not my sons he had cleaned his before he had left. So I just paused at his bedroom door . Then made myself move along. Supper came and my daughter at work then boyfriends … hubby and I ate just it just being the two of us . Well over the 6 months with a 10 day Holiday pass for Christmas he was home . It felt great but so strange I was in a whole new routine . And so him and I clashed a bit … sadly . I was told this was normal. Then the time came and he had to go back. By March I was ready to have him home. And this time it was better we were at an adult son and his mother relationship We talked on a new level . My time ..my routine was still there and he had his routine. Then here we are in May and I’m finding myself out of my routine .. well more then I want to be . I’m worrying if he’s ate what he’s doing . He has been very good about it when before he did not like it. All the mothering believe me I can get over bearing🙄Yes he has had his moments and has told me in a nice way to stop but then sadly apologizes when honestly I do not want him to. I know this summer is going to be a long one. Right now he is working two jobs and he is gone a lot . So I’m trying to get back into the routine of just my hubby and I . In the Fall along with National Guard drills and going away to college it will be my hubby and I and my daughter again when she is here. and I think it will be hard to let go of him this time. He will not be far away it’s for a matter of convenience for him to dorm with our bad winters . And now with all the things happening in this world and him In the Army National Guards has added this worry more then when he signed up . And I can’t say much about this but I do not know if I’m coming off a vibe he is giving out since I’m so good at both my kids vibes of something there worrying about or doing tends to bounce off of them on to me . Always been this way. So could this be it? I’m feeling his worry. Yes he knows what he as signed up for but being 18 there is concern I’m sure with him. He is such a thinker like me . And his humbleness is been a bit more apparent. Which makes me feel anxious…Even though I feel this way I would never change it for the world . Being a mother is just so hard sometimes because the love you feel and there is nothing you will not want to do for your kids . This Fb quiz actually says it. well except for the cowering in your presence well unless you hurt my kids🙂
I made a book list and ordered a book that is on its way that I’m very excited about and I’m looking forward to it . Which it’s been a bit since I was excited about a book since not been able to find a good one and I’m going to keep ordering hoping for more good book to occupy my mind at night , especially when I’m thinking or when he is out late both my kids with that. So my mind doesn’t wander. When I get my book I’ll post it . For now yes finishing the Road. Yes it’s dragging .. but according to my daughter she is shocked that I’m in the last two chapters of it, being that it’s not usually something I would read or even think of finishing. 🙂 well it’s getting late need to try to get some sleep so off I am to bed. Hoping to hear that train and its whistle in a distance I’m so comforted to while saying my nightly prayers falling asleep .