It’s only been 3 days since I have posted but it seems so much longer than that but when your feeling under the weather the last 3 days it feels like a lifetime. I have been fighting or trying to fight what was coming on for about a week now. And Thursday night I had no choice but to surrender. , I have been off and on the couch through the day then by 4 in the afternoon, I spiral down and then Tylenol, tea Chromebook, and the couch become my best friends oh I can’t forget my country music softly playing in the background. It’s been relaxing falling to sleep to it. It occupies my mind from the discomfort of body aches I chuckle when I’m laying here in the dark falling asleep to it because it brings back a youthful moment in life when I was a teenager back home in my bedroom in the dark with my stereo playing love songs or rock music and feeling less weight on my shoulders life was simple no worries no thoughts running endlessly through my mind making my shoulders feel the weight they feel on them now. So even feeling under the weather I believe it’s given me a mental break of reflecting back to some moments that were comforting and no answers to look for. Just music and drifting off into a deep dream sleep. January is a hard month even though it’s been 24 yrs that my dad passed I still remember that dreadful time and day he said goodbye to me. You do not forget something like that. And with all the changes my life, myself have been going through I wish he was here to give me the answers to the questions I have. So these moments of youthfulness just listening to music while I sleep is so soothing.
Now for this sickness it’s been miserable . I am not one to be down . Tonight though feeling a bit more like myself enjoying some London Fog at first I thought it may keep me up but I do not believe it will at the moment with the tea and music I’m feeling very relaxed . Will see.
After falling asleep around 1 ( very early for this insomniac) and woke at 8. To a quiet house I was very surprised .. decided to lay there for a bit and enjoy it .. then it was time to grab a quick shower and then head to the kitchen for some coffee ..ahh coffee …and the Wendy show ( hahaha) my new norm since our cable took away our local channel I use to watch . Can’t complain nice to switch it up even if it isn’t by choice. After my coffee and show was done I started with the everyday house things laundry .. cleanup last night snack dishes. Put a meatloaf in the oven for dinner as I enjoyed once again my music blasting from my beautiful speakers, makes house work go so much easier . It’s relaxing. Now just catching on some blog posts and enjoying a protein drink . Needed to add a bit more protein to my diet . I guess I do not eat enough of what I should … thanks to coffee and water that fills me. 🙄 bad habit coffee , not the water . Well struggling with the Stephen King book .. I am determined to finish it but I know I need a new book just can’t find one so I’ll keep reading this one. Not much to tell .. let’s see sadly we are back to humid weather again after some really cool temps . My son is on his last week of his jobs he has committed very well to all summer . Taking a couple of the weeks he has left before he heads to college to do some trips to see some army buddies and finish dorm shopping . Actually he is pretty much all set just some odds and ends. Hubby will have a vacation next week . Not doing much maybe some day trips get somethings done around the yard just needs a break . I honestly think he will go stir crazy … he loves the work routine when he is home he is so antsy . Where I am the other I’m content ( hahaha) oh how things change. In past summers when the kid were young we took week vacations somewhere now trying to do that is not easy .. just trying to get us all together for a dinner out is so hard . Out of my hands now kids are adults just how it goes.
Supper is done … and after cleaning up I will try to read a bit more. Let’s see how much I get read .
- It’s Friday night and a late one at that.. well for writing it is . It’s 11:00 and yes a bit late but I’m up until 2 anyway . Just when my mind decides to settle. Hubby is snoring away as I write this in the dark (haha) air conditioner is on so I decided to settle in the bedroom . Another warm night, hopefully we will get a break soon. My daughter is at a concert a couple hours away I’m sure she will not be waking in the door for awhile. My son is sleeping well hopefully he was having a hard time with that knowing he needs to be up at 4 for National guard weekend so he will be gone for the weekend. As I lay hear in the darkness wishing the windows were open so I could hear the sound of the train a distance away it’s whistle echoing through the night. It’s such an eerie but comforting sound.
This summer has been so different one it’s almost over already into August . My daughter turning 24 this month my son heading off to college and telling me I’m going to miss him … hmm ..I know I will but I’ll be okay he will not be that far away and only a phone call or text away I think it’s more like he will miss me and home. The freedom of being home. Since turning 50 I feel so different .. I feel different. About life.. my kids are adults now and I feel a since of new freedom to get back to taking care of me . To be me . Yes I was always was me but motherhood changes you ,you think a lot more about your kids then yourself …. well I did , and now my time is my time, and honestly I was dreading it . But now I’m embracing it I’m doing what I enjoy . I’m spending a bit more time on me . And realizing it’s not a bad thing .. oh I think we are our own worse enemy ..
So I started this late Friday night and fell asleep so I am posting this now🙄
Credits to Pexels photo :Since my son graduated from high school in June , it’s been a crazy time . Summer spent with him doing his thing ,running with friends .. working .. but there was more bonfires and family parties since he would be heading off to Basic training in the fall. The memories of high school already fading . And the new changes starting with now both kids adults and living their life. I started to settle in with the quietness , less of my sons friends being around less of him being around as well as my daughter. More time spent with my hubby , more weekends spent taking a drive getting coffee , watching movies with takeouts with him or quiet moments while he slept on the couch and I actually enjoying a book. . Redoing certain parts of our home repainting .. changing the decor . It was time. So all good with this change . Then yesterday as I drove through town getting my errands done I noticed no one at the school .I need to go by to get to the Post Office, some kids walking through town , then it dawned on me …February vacation even though I have read blog post with the talk of vacation it just didn’t phase me .
First February vacation childless! and just another week for me. Loved Feb Vacation ..kids having sleepovers making sure there was a ton of food (snacks ) in the house, movies the kids would have piled up to watch ,blankets and pillows all laid out on our living room floor in front of the Tv , the Xbox out ready to hookup to the tv , board games , ready, yeah for us it pretty much was staying home and doing things here late nights. oh there was days sledding and even nighttime sledding with the yard lit up ..till they were cold and soaked so hot chocolate for everyone. Then settling in the living room and as my hubby and I laid in bed the sounds of giggling from the girls jumping and laughing from the boys till silents took over ..with them finally falling asleep .It’s a bittersweet thought as I was laying in bed thinking about it ..especially with the house being so quiet and I in bed earlier then midnight if kids were here. This is the moments when life slaps you in the face and you realize how far you come and how much time as gone by… kind of a awakening how fast life really fly’s by.. I miss them but life has to move on keep moving forward.and I guess that’s why the memories we make are so important. So make a lot of them . Enjoy the time …even if there are times the kids have you wanting to scream 🙂 oh I remember those days and can actually laugh because even now with my son being 18 and listening to what his plans are when he gets home in a couple of weeks makes me feel that the screaming , rolling of my eyes time are not over just yet.. the good thing I can walk away if need be and let him figure it out .. hopefully 🙄lol!
Well another year coming to an end.. this year went by quick. I’m ready it’s whatever .. I just want to get back to the norm hubby needs to go back to work he’s getting bored .. my son flys out Thurs and I believe he is ready too . I am and have loved having him home but it’s exhausting watching his comings and goings with his friends . He needs to get back into a routine. My daughter pretty much is back to her routine, working , boyfriend , friends. Same ol but it’s tolerable . So all I hear is resolutions .. hmm I do not make any.I do not believe in it . Yes a new year a new fresh start but I will say I will just do better saving money , having more me time and stop feeling like I have to fix everything or make people happy.. need to step back . So changes is what I’m calling it. I want to start journaling and writing more, so I’m thinking I will concentrate on this a bit more as well. so we will see . I think some wine is in order soon for me .
Monday’s what can we say about Monday’s … their not the most favorable day 🙄 but this one I must admit wasn’t too bad , after a rainy dreary Sunday and no sleep the night before , it was nice to wake up to a bright sunny morning after a good nights sleep. and a very good hair day (hahaha) now to tell you what I did today well I don’t know it was a day of just whatever I enjoyed my cup of coffee a bit longer this morning . Chatted with a friend on Facebook . Then proceeded with getting supper going in the faithful crockpot . Then just chatted on and off with my daughter who had off today but spent the most part of her day down in her place as she cleaned it and hung out with her boyfriend who was over. I left went to the Post Office and there sat two letters from my son in our post box. It was nice to hear from him he is sounding much more mature . And excited about coming home for Christmas but actually now is switching gears … again … now instead of missing home he’s going on now how he thinks he’s going to miss the base it feels like home to him now the funny thing is I’m wondering because he is coming home for 12 days for Christmas and I’m thinking when he comes home to his bed , us , his old friends we could be dragging him to the airport to go back to AIT there. But I do understand and he’s made such great friends and even though they exchanged phone numbers and so on it won’t be the same as they move on to graduation and their AIT heading in different directions. One guy he is happy about because they realize they only live several town overs so hopefully they can catch up with one another. He’s come a long ways from feeling sappy to now going to miss being their .. oh home is going to be so boring for him. I’m thinking he may reach out even more to an Army career but will see he’s young and good at changing his mind a lot … it can make your head spin. Whatever he chooses I just hope it’s not settling for less in this town .. it’s a nice little town to raise a family and retire in but not for a active adventurous young guy . It can be a bad thing. So yes defiantly will see. I do know I love my kids will do anything for them but want them to be independent happy adults like we all hope and wish for. And I’m actually getting use to just doing whatever ..my lazy routine if you want me to admit it. (Hahaha) yes I know I’m limited as it is physically and so I know my limits … I just know I’m into a routine of keeping myself busy in simple ways . Taking to more friends doing more hobbies It will be nice to have a bit more activity in this quiet house . But Im just afraid he will come home and after awhile settle back into his old ways of doing his running and I wondering where he is .. I know what people have told me he’s part of the Army now so National Guard reserves or full time they own him and that has and will keep him knowing to be on the straight and narrow not that he never was he just loves late nights and keeping me wondering. Oh how things change and it’s so hard to adjust then you do and then things change again and you have to adjust again to that change .. this thing called life 🙂
I’ve realized I skipped a day of posting . Yesterday was a amazing happy day. Well all days are pretty good but this one was exceptionally happy. Finally heard from our Son since arriving in Missouri on base last week . He called to let me know his address and was finally heading to the Basic Training unit… yes took a bit I guess quite a process. He said he sent me several letters in the mail and if I received them ? As of yesterday I hadn’t but at least I heard his voice he sounded good but was persistent on my checking the mail .We got off the phone adding he wouldn’t be able to call for two weeks but send him letters .
Today I woke drank my cup of coffee did a bit of things around the house but was anxious to get to the post office to check for mail. The results were 4 letters all from my Son .. the thoughts, questions went through my mind as I drove home wondering why so many and what I would find in them . I arrived home settled in cozied up in my chair and started reading he went by 1st letter then 2nd letter so on.. I read and my heart felt every word I won’t say what he wrote .. somethings are personal . Let’s say a lot of adapting .. adjusting going on for him but as I got to the last letter #4 he was doing better. Things looked brighter . Then my wandering mind thought what would I right ? I know be uplifting encouraging words . But what for excitement he knows it’s not that exciting . But then again he was missing home .. so home it was ..now I can’t remember the last time I actually wrote a handwritten letter but once I got going the words flowed as did my fingers and within seconds I had filled a page . Writing felt so good . So refreshing then typing on a keyboard or tapping on a phone. Words just filled the page. There was seriousness and humor . It was just unbelievable I ended up with a two page letter for him was it exciting .? Couldn’t say but honest and straight from the heart it was . I folded it up and placed it in an envelope and drove back to the post office with in 15mins of it closing to get a stamp for it and mail it . I wanted him to have a letter on its to him to look forward to.
I’m thinking it has me wanting to start a journal again like back in the day when I had so many journals filled with thoughts ..dreams life . For now though I ll just keep the letter flowing he wants them needs them . I am so proud of him . And proud of myself for not over thinking and just letting go and just did what I needed he needed . Now I’m going to get off read my book and then say my prayers before bed . Good night everyone.