Too much thinking ??

I feel like I am on a roller coaster emotionally in the path months . In the pat year I have felt content peaceful thought I had life figured out ….was I so wrong I guess we never have life figured out at any age.My life feels off kilt and i just want it back up straight. I want my contentment back. I am doubting everything I thought I did was right I am wishing I could go back and redo somethings because now trying to succeed at something again it maybe to late. so I am kicking myself…is this a midlife crisis? or just everything I believed I was doing was just the wrong way , well not everything just one thing or should say a person .  can you guess ? hahahaha my Son this has been what my last two posts have been about. Great kid  great grades has great friends him and his friends do not party like the other kids at school they hate the fact that kids are wasting themselves on drinking and drugs .their on the running team so they care about their bodies which I am so proud of and their so respectful to people but  great with people  except… us  his parents comes in the house kills him to speak hmm unless he wants something just not easy to love right now hate to say that do not get me wrong his dad and I love him just he makes it so hard. All I hear yup he is a teenager…ugh!!! so sick of hearing those words I m thinking that is not the case .Afraid we spoiled him and now we created ourselves a handful. My daughter was never this way . I was when I was 16 but I knew how far to push it with my parents. just so tired . and do not have any answers anymore. Help need some advice…

Still here..

Hi to all my followers I’m still here . It’s been crazy busy since I last posted ..always at the end of the school year. My Son Seth  is keeping me physically and mentally busy.  Seth  and his track team won their last  meet of the year so that put them as  one of the  undefeated teams and now championships begin. What a beautiful moment to watch  when  their coaches and  the boys do a victory run around the track together. but bittersweet at the same time knowing it’s set in some of their minds the last time they will all run together as a team .  as the Seniors  now venture on to their next journey in life for some it will be  college others  the service, or jobs what ever they have chosen as their path at this moment  now that  they have done their time in High School,  for my son and the rest of his friends and team members  next year will be a little more tougher I know  getting back on that track with out their best friends  their hearts will be heavy  but like we all know this time always comes and is a marking stone to what the world has to offer and what we make of it. Now   the rest of his team will  move up and be come the good example for the younger kids as they have been taught when they started out.and show them as their best friends shown them how it’s done  ,they will be the leaders now, as for myself I will be the whisper in my sons ear .guiding him and hoping to keep him on this right path we call life….. now if he listens that will be his choice. and sometimes that’s all we have is the hope they listen.

Summer….

As I sat outside on my porch swing  and enjoyed my morning coffee. I am amazed at how every Spring and summer seem to feel just a little bit more different.let me elaborate,it’s just when the kids were little and Spring and summer  arrived I felt renewed alive…time to pull out all the outdoor items and set the yard up for endless summer days and fun.So this meant kiddie pools and tiny tyke picnic table and swinging and looking for fireflies. then once again life stepped in like it should and I held on tighter. 🙂 so school yrs began and that came with friends camp outs in the back yard movie nights with friends slip and slides then eating watermelon and seeing who could spit the seeds the farthest remember those days ? then the back yard got smaller to them and the endless days at the public town pool was the new place so as the kids swam and ate treats from the snack bars and played kickball on the premises then back in the pool us parents sat by the pool and absorbed the sun and socialized with one another.life once again slowed down life was great Then the train of life rolled again and middle school was here and the pool was no longer the happening place then the summer jobs and and more friends and you know the rest. they grew up. even though my son is 16 he still needs me and my daughter go out to lunch together and shop and have beautiful long talks ..but its so much more different my sons  world is his  friends and running with them and the occasional loud sound of his music  that rocks my house but not enough of those moments more looking at my phone checking for him to tell me he needs to be picked up or that he is sleeping over I believe I look at my phone more then his baby blue eyes. I know how it is suppose to be and I thought I was ready I did everything a mom does and I let go a bit like I should but no one tells you how hard it can be.it’s just a lot more quieter. yes I  believe I am going through the mommy blues hahaha I do still  take out the kiddie pool for my pups hahaha he loves his pool so I guess some things do not change hahaha.

three day weekend and beautiful!!!

So it’s a 3 day weekend and the weather is gorgeous! also the start of April vacation for my son. so this week he has off and has already started with doing things…never a dull moment with him. He left on Saturday evening with friends for Boston to watch the Boston Marathon. Him and his friends are runners for their school they do indoor and outdoor  track and field and cross country. Him and his friends have ran in a couple of local races in our town , this will be fun for them to be in Boston and watch the race. a great experience for them  I keep checking in on him yes that’s what mothers do…. I am not overly checking in but just here  and there. I am trying to keep myself busy but with this weather it’s not working I am sitting on my porch swing and soaking in the sun. The house is clean enough and no where to go. My daughter is working but has told her dad and I  that she is bringing home s’mores  goodies so we will  start a fire in our fire pit and enjoy some s’mores then when here boyfriend gets out later tonight they can enjoy on their own and put it it out after. so now it begins nights out by the fire ,looking at stars sleeping with windows open …love!!!! and my Son running with friends ..crazy.  but my favorite time of year.

Are we coming or going……

It’s been a long week and a half. everything seems so upside down what are we doing as a society with teaching our kid’s right and wrong…it just seems like whats right is wrong whats wrong is right….who wins who learns it’s just so frustrating . A situation in our town has turned into such a confusing mess yes a mess is what it is just by one person’s bad choice and wrong doing effecting innocent kid’s . everyone is confused if we could just say it like it is, if we didn’t have to add drama to it or sweep it under the rug, but be a friend believe in the person  stand by your friends help each other  then to go against them it would not be so confusing but the sad thing is kid’s do not know what is right or wrong  or are afraid to stand up because you will be judged society has taught this because they see how people clearly can turn on each other okay  I am not meaning everyone but a big majority  do. everyday our kid’s witness people being mean and making bad choices  a for example in a line at a store the person in front of you being nasty because the cashier did something wrong.. well in their mind so they belittle them in front of a whole  store  your kids see this  or you let someone go first in line or on the road driving and can you get a thank you..hmmm no. then again they see this so how do you instill do the right thing be the better person stop the blame game open our ears listen which yes is still possible but in this world lately you need to be a strong person enough to do this. Instead our younger kids just clam up and say well better to say nothing at all, not in all cases. so this is what I am dealing with we need to learn what our actions teach our next generation. it’s scary thinking what this generation will be like when they become adults . will they be okay that’s  the big question.

An off day…..

I woke from a restless nights sleep…I new something didn’t seem right my Son like I had wrote in my last post running out with friends right when he got home from school but asking me as his friends are driving in the driveway ..he tells me they are just going to another friends house for a bit….well that was at 6:00 at 9 :00 I started to think okay  where are you so I started to text him and a text comes through it’s my son I will be home soon so okay that was fine with me but then 10:00 came and my husband and I started to get angry I texted him telling him to get home he said I will we are just talking  about things..I”m sorry don’t worry….hmmm okay so now not only am I angry worried but now confused wouldn’t you be? so my son comes home he sits he knows I am upset my husband had to go to bed early morning..so he sits with me and my daughter and tells us  how things are  going on at school and  its not good…I can’t go into detail but it does not involve him or his group of friends….thank god..but I  feel for the ones involved let me just say I would not want to be a teenager in this day in age thank god my son and his friends have a good head on their shoulders . This world is just getting scarier by the minute the things I just heard , things you hear on the news. the newspaper it just never ending  I am tired of why people make the choice they do and and do the things they do it’s just so sad and sickening …It feels like some people have just lost their way more and more everyday . No morals nothing why I ask?? so today my mind just keeps going back to the conversation from last night… I wish I could just stop time for 2 minutes and take a breather and have everything just be happy. and see people be nicer and make better choices .but I know this has been going on for years but little bit  more now a days. just frustrated ……..