Always changing…

It’s almost the weekend and a bit happy for it. Another week down ….and a bit closer to this summer season ending. I’m really not too sad about it . It’s been a summer of a lot of have to’s and a little want to’s . My husband had the week off which he needed , okay maybe? He was antsy and just couldn’t keep himself busy enough and well it was a stay home vacation . Because well birthdays have hit our wallets hard . We did take some day trips and my son took him golfing was going to take him hiking but the weather is not helping the matter. Now I’m fine with being at home . I have my routine my activities , hobbies , friends I enjoy. Well it’s been thrown off this week . I honestly believe I handle change and life so much more differently now . I do not ask for much except let me do my thing. And I believe I deserve and earned it. I’ve been a stay at home mom since the day my children where born and now that their young adults I am ready to let them go and do my thing. Now my husband is holding on as tight as possible to them and the routine we have lived by forever. ๐Ÿ™„ I love my kids but it’s time for them to live their life’s . And believe me they want to. And I need to mix things up a bit because yes I’m bored with the same routine . And I will not feel guilty about admiring this. … summer has brought new meaning to letting go. My son leaves for college in a week , he will not be that far away but it’s a practical thing for him to dorm with the winters we have here and he wants the time away as well. Changes are not alway a bad thing it’s a need . And I am so ready I can not state this enough. So onward to moving forward .

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Memorial Day ..not the Same…

Outside my door the winds have calmed the storms have passed ..for now. Settled in last night with my new book . After about 45 mins later I put my book down and shut the light off. It wasn’t that the book wasn’t good it was . I just wanted to lay there in the darkness and watch the flash of the lighting and hear the roll of the thunder . Love nighttime storms. As the storm came through flashing shadows on my wall I laid there taking it in thinking about the Memorial Day weekend approaching .. like everything things change. I know a part of life. Even if I wanted time to to stop it would not ..even for a moment . Even laying there watching the storm was different… my daughter at some friends house . My son tired from work in bed as well as my hubby just I watching it .No kids running into the bedroom or sitting in our living room watching counting between the lightening flashes. Just I … As this Memorial Day approaches this will not be the same as well. Yes they’ll be a cookout ,bonfire on one of the days but less around the fire. but our hearts with them . No friends sleeping over , no sleeping out in a tent and being waken by kids running in as fast as they can to sleep on the living room floor because they heard something in the woods. No movie nights with buckets of popcorn and wide eyed kids as they watched .No just my hubby and I watching a movie , or sitting and watching the stars , taking a ride . As our door swings open and close as my kids come and go from work. I will embrace this change and then the next one and the next one. But for now I will embrace this moment . with a smile on my face and also a tear in my eye.

Monday…

Once again here we are Monday again . And late afternoon at that .Had a Dr.’s appointment . Routine blood work followup. Then back home to cleanup the house and chatted with my daughter while we did our things.. It’s a rainy cold day … a rude awakening after a beautiful warm sunny weekend. Sitting on the deck with my book or just with my daughter chatting and enjoying the sounds around us was nice. My son went for his interview he said it went well but will see if they call him. Crazy transitioning time for him . All of us … when I think about how busy I was .. we were with little kids running around and having to be some place or another, every minute of the day play dates , school open houses , sport events. ..seems like only yesterday. Busy was nice . I miss it at times.. maybe not the running part I guess I will admit.. but the chaotic parts of friends running in and out of the house . Sleepovers, loud music .. I know all the things I’ve mentioned before on my blog. I guess seeing the transitioning my son is going through brings it all back to me . It was more fun is what I think he is thinking . (hahaha) he was always rushing to grow up and now he is and I think he love to take it back .. well maybe somethings. ๐Ÿ™‚ life is not easy it has its up and down moments .. it’s struggles and rewards . But it’s defiantly worth it. The key is just keep moving forward and having faith . I try to tell both my adult kids this . I know they agree but do not want to hear it. When things are on the downside . They will learn . I think we all keep learning no mater how old we are . I know I have had a year of my own transitioning and learning. But like I’ve told my kids keep moving forward that’s what I tell myself . At times it’s slower then it would be fore them but it’s still moving forward..

Time to separate..

It’s Friday my Son has made it through his Army AIT Graduation after looking at the silly pics on his Instagram and Fb he’s signed out and on his way to the airport hotel to rest and fly out early in the morning . I’m wondering how it will be when he is home .. he has been on his own well basically even if the Sargents have been in his face. But hasn’t had to be mothered. And I’m not starting that up .. it’s hard with him and I transitioning into an adult child and mother relationship because according to him I’m his mother and his definition of a mother is a mother takes care of here children well …. yes but then the child grows up and mom stops taking care of them and you grow into having conversations and laughs but my son is still immature because he can’t seem to do that so I ask if he he got food on his way to the hotel or if he slept after saying he was tired and it’s a two hour ride to the hotel and then I realize what I’m doing and I stop and he says why are you caring I’m fine .. omg ๐Ÿ™„ I defiantly cannot win . He either misses me or does not then doesn’t have much to say to me .. oh he’s exhausting… time will tell soon enough… oh I think daughters are so much easier to raise . Or I just got lucky๐Ÿ™‚ parenting is never easy…being that I didn’t text him after he said that my cell phone rang guess who … hmm telling me he was at the airport hotel . I replied ok thank you for letting me know. he must of felt a vibe from me or it was his guilt .. he asked if I was tired because I wasn’t asking him all the questions I’m so good at but I was only trying to make conversation and that’s where it’s hard because he doesn’t do conversations ๐Ÿ™„oh so hard … and I know when he’s tired he can be ugly and I think at the Base he held all in and now he can feel or whatever you want to call it . Oh we have a lot to adjust to.

Its 8:30 at night and my hubby and daughter are sitting in the living room chatting and watching the movie The wolveman and it’s pretty nasty so my daughter on one of her social media sites and I writing on a post on my blog. Looking up occasionally at the tv and it’s always at the wrong time. (Hahaha) well I guess I will chat with my daughter a bit more before she goes down to her place . Have a good night everyone.

Friday night..

The day as I posted earlier flew by so fast . I was in awe . My daughter came home and then left again with her boyfriend. My husband and I enjoyed supper as we chatted about our day then when supper was done and cleaned up my son texted us off and on from his base, it was nice to hear about his day and the break they have for several days from class . He is doing well but is ready to be back in his home town . I told him he would be bored he said no he wouldn’t he would be content . Hmm I don’t know if it’s homesick or the Army is making him humble. Our town is so laid back for an 18 yr old but then again he is an adult now and has seen the other side … anyway it’s a small country town , with mountains surrounding it like a a blanket wrapping the town in it. Woods to hike , run , bike , is what most enjoy around here. You never know what the weather will be from day to day. It’s just plain simple living, so will see after he’s home for a bit and the homesick has worn off.

The evening and night is going by slowly go figure (hahaha) my hubby and I decided to settle in our room to watch tv as I try to finish my book .I’m so close to finishing. We got comfy and my son texted us one more time to tell us he had night duty so he was saying goodnight and would check in tomorrow to see how we were doing with the storm . Well my book never got read , we decided to watch a movie . Ocean 8 yeah it came out this summer but we had never seen it and it was free on the movie channel , we enjoyed it, better then we thought, now it’s over Miss Abigail has settled in bed with us. And my hubby is turning on his trusty fan. (hahaha) yes he can’t sleep without it ..as I have come accustom to it as well๐Ÿ™„ I guess it’s time to call it a night and get some sleep. Goodnight everyone.

Soon!

Good morning it’s a quiet Tuesday one .. after waking up at 7:00 the aroma of coffee found its way to me . I dragged myself to the shower but not before starting a load of laundry my husband had loaded in the washing machine ..I blasted the hot water since it’s so cold trying to warm up . Finally finding my way to the kitchen grabbing some coffee was so worth every sip.Miss Abigail is already in her chair sleeping away again . Oh this house is quiet but going to be even quieter by Friday when my hubby flys out to my Son for his Basic Training graduation I’ve mentioned this in past posts ,I’m not going can not fly or do the long distance walking so he will video and get a lot of pictures. The graduation isn’t until next Wed with visiting the base the day before so actually he’s flying out Saturday early morning with his mom who got them a room by the airport on Friday night so she wouldn’t have to to do an hr and a half ride to the airport for a 8:00am flight sadly they will be hanging around in a hotel from Sat to Tues because of finding a flight so close to my sons graduation . Then after graduation they will head to the airport and fly home with him . It will be a long day for them they should arrive home around 1or 2 in the morning.. I will stay up to at least give my son a hug and then let him head to bed . And then catchup with him as much as possible until his friends get ahold of him. They have already started texting me asking when he will be home …… so this will be interesting ๐Ÿ™‚. It’s only 12 days here then he flys back out again but it’s ok I can at least have him home for Christmas !

I have been slowly decluttering the house .. my daughter will help me when my hubby is away which will keep my mind busy . Yes my mind (hahaha) I think too much . And so decluttering and freshening up his bedding will keep me busy . Yes I have been thinking and what timing as I’m writing this post I’m watching the morning local show while enjoying my coffee their talking about first holidays with your adult kids coming home from college , moving out military etc ..stating how when they come home it will be different for them and the parents as well.. The day they first walked out the door on their own they became adults and started their new life and so they will be different and we will be different as well ..So how we treated them before will change a bit yes their still our kids but their adults, seen a different world so transitioning to coming home will be however we make it but to respect there difference as well as they should respect our difference of how we as parents have adapted to them not being here But being adults doesn’t mean they will not need us they will. But in a more supportive way of letting them tell you how they feel if it’s been hard then guide them with ideas to make it more easier but teaching them , telling them is no longer our job. It’s their life. and we want them to want .. to look forward to coming home.Ok I must say listening to this has helped a lot because that is what I’ve been thinking about so much as the time has come closer to my son coming home and him coming home from Basic Training he will be different. And that could be a good thing . Oh I love him but he needed some help with growing up and hopefully taming his wild ways ..not a bad wild but a young wild .. so I will step back see how he is when he walks though the door and then trend carefully seeing the difference in him. My daughter growing into an adult was so different and easy she didn’t move away but went in a separate part of our house and just transitioned so much better I think she was born an adult ) hahaha) being a teenager was hard for her she always acted older then her peers . Was better around adults so being adult she has flourished and I’m proud of her. . So yes we will see . I’ll keep you posted.

The quietness …

It’s 10:30 at night and laying here in bed in the darkness taking in the stillness.. the quietness of my house. It’s been this way for several months now no sound of music or tv in the next rooms or the sound of laughter echoing in the house. Throughout the night Just quietness . Something I’m adjusting to . Not a bad thing actually for the moment comforting because this quietness is not a worry feeling but a reassuring one ..my kids are doing what they should be doing their making a life . Their not running all over town doing god knows what or where. I say this because in our Town three young adults in their 20’s were in a terrible car accident the night before and it took the life of one of the three ..leaving the other two in serious condition in the hospital. I feel for this family and the girl who’s life was cut short. Do not know all the details no one really knows at this point still figuring it out . But one thing is speed was a factor and these young adults all they do is run and so on . So I take this quietness and am grateful that I’m not wondering where my kids are . I just pray when my son comes home he stays on the foundation he is building …of course I cannot wait for some noise it will be welcoming and there will be since he is leaving 12 days later for more training so friends will be here to see him. but knowing that he is growing and maturing will be a nice feeling too , and I hope his humbleness he has lately being away stays with him. I will always pray for them to be safe and well and happy . But knowing their starting to settle into a life of their own . The quietness will not be a sign of emptiness or sadness but of a new journey my husband and I will be happy to live with. For months now we have taken this quietness as sadness when all along we should have embraced it as a start of good things our family is where they should be. We did good and now to keep praying for all this and keep the faith they stay on the right path. So as I drift off to sleep with the stillness of our house I will pray for peace and yes for the families of this terrible tragedy ..