Morning…

Good Morning! enjoying my coffee while the deck has shade before the sun takes over it, when the sun is shinning down on it ,it’s unbearable sadly.. right now it’s beautiful sitting out here listening to the fountain making rippling sounds like when your near a beautiful lake and the water is flowing over the rocks. Today the sounds of a woodpeckers echoing in the woods near by . When I finally dragged myself out of bed after watching a very late movie last night I walked out to a kitchen that looked like a bomb exploded …yes morning with the men … so I just grabbed some coffee and headed out to my deck …it can it would wait.

The sky is so blue and there is s bit of a breeze it feels nice. The squirrels are running around gathering as much of the bird seed they can get before the birds come . Oh if they only knew it wasn’t for them . My daughter is sleeping in and my son must of went back to bed or is just in his room after his early morning gym. He is on his last week of classes and only has two so he goes in later then championship track practice. Soon this will be all done and he will begin his next chapter in life called growing up (hahaha) every time he has a complaint I tell him welcome to the real world it’s called growing up he just rolls his eyes at me. He has so much on his plate I think he overwhelms himself. So I keep saying to him one step at a time one day at a time and it will be less over whelming . I do not know if he takes this advice… he agrees with me.but I think to humor me. I taking my advice to get through everything . Thinking about all this is over whelming for my hubby and I as well . The last one to graduate and the baby…..

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Reconnecting…

I was reading a post just now from one of my favorite bloggers and she was talking about distance and reconnecting with her spouse who is deployed you would understand more if you check out her blog ,This Beautiful life it’s called .check her site out iit is beautiful , you will love her writing. And her she is such a nice person.

I’m laying here in bed and I’m thinking ..yes I know wrong time๐Ÿ™‚ but the house is a bit warm so it’s hard to settle , so it dawned on me my daughter is 22 and living her life yes I see her but yes it’s not the same .My son is graduating and looking at college and army and well hmm . .. hubby and I have adapted to having kids around , taking care of them and soon it’s back to where we started full circle…yes a bit different we are still paren’ts but so not the same . We will be back to being us , a couple . I know it’s all apart of life but it’s new to us .. and well we need to reconnect our brains to let’s go to a movie … let’s go away for the weekend and we just can do it the two of us .. but then it’s what will we talk about it’s always been about the kids . Yes it was just us at one time BUT we are older , we both have changed it’s not like we can go back to who we use to be or do what we use to do life is different now we are different . So as my kids embark on their new journey their parents are as well. Reconnecting what a thought…

Prom shopping..

my Son and I and his Aunt ventured out for the day to look for a tux for my sons senior prom. Love when my son dresses up , as the saying goes he cleans up well. He basically knew what he was looking for but sadly they didn’t have the blue he wanted for the jacket so he went for a navy kind of blue which when he puts it all together with the vest shirt tie shoes it looked really sharp. So that took a bit of time with him changing mind because he was doubting what he thought would look good but it all worked out . When he dresses up like this it always shell shocks me because I’m so amazed of what a young man he has become. Where did the time go ? The years seem like a blur …. I’m so proud of him. It puts a tear in my eye. I know I’m such a sap ๐Ÿ™‚ always a mom…. after we grabbed a late lunch we chatted and laughed the three of us as we enjoyed the food. Then took the long way home chatting and laughing some more.

My hubby stayed home and caught up with lawn work he’s been wanting to do . My daughter was invited with her Grandmother to go on a day bus trip to a casino so that was a fun experience for her . Sometime my hubby and I will go with her. . Now it’s night time and the fan is already humming away love that fan only way everyone sleeps in this house ,we have one running , both my kids have one running with not needing it to cool the room off it’s not in the window at the moment but leaning against a wall in each of our rooms for the sound . Yes all winter long as well. How many of you use a fan or some kind of noise maker to fall asleep to? it’s very dark tonight so no moon shining in. Back to work and school and a track meet which I will go and watch. So they guys are already sleeping and my daughter made it back earlier enough from the trip so she is with her boyfriend now. and I think it’s time that I settle . My eyes are feeling heavy with sleep. So I will say my prayers and get some sleep . Good night everyone.

Growing Up…

Night has arrived and my heart is heavy. Yes I’m probably thinking too much but isn’t that what night does sometimes to people who think too much…. Its the School April vacation week and it’s just not the same . The days are too quiet and normal . The nights have been quiet as well . No loud music playing shaking the walls down ,no laughter of a house full of kids. No not having all our food ate up .

Instead the walls are not shaking just the sound of a movie playing in my sons room no laughter unless it’s my son laughing about something in the movie and a house is full of food . I know he’s growing up . The high school yrs are just about over , he’s done with work the ski season job is over so looking in the mean time for another but not having much luck . So it’s been going to the gym then to sport practice and then maybe one night he ate out after with his track friends but has been home the past 4 nights . I know I shouldn’t complain but this is just not how he is .The friend group has changed so he’s not hanging around with friends that are constantly running in between everything, the friends he has are doing what he is doing and as he puts it chilling at home at night. Does he miss the running hmmm I don’t know but why do I feel sorry for him? He came home tonight after gym and practice made his special diet for supper showered and then put on a movie in his room .. about an hour later he texted me ….yes he did I was in the living room. He asked if I would make him a pb&j sandwhich . How could I refuse ๐Ÿ™‚ I brought it to him and there he was in his bed in his comfy clothes watching his movie and looking content so maybe he’s not missing the running around … maybe he is just growing up. Or maybe he’s doing wha I’m doing and thinking too much and needs a movie for distraction๐Ÿ™„ a lot of changes are happening to him and it’s fine if he’s actually chilling himself ๐Ÿ˜‚ I need to stop thinking myself and let him be ,soon it’s back to school ,exams prepping for graduation college signups so yes I need to let him be…oh nights can do a number on you and Facebook as well al the posting of who’s doing what ugh need to stop comparing our family with others . That actually is maybe the problem … and him as well he seems to be on it a lot okay I need to stop …. always a mom…. well I do not hear the movie anymore he must have gone to bed. What I should be doing. Along with my hubby who is fast asleep …okay think I will good night everyone …

Kitchen table..

The kitchen table .. is not just for breakfast , lunch and dinner , it’s a place for endless nights of doing homework. it’s the best place in house to enjoy a hot cup of your favorite coffee ..tea or whatever your liking is. As you enjoy a simple chat before heading out to start your day . Or a quiet moment to talk over a bad day . For me it’s the place where many moments memories are made good or bad but especially the good , the kitchen table holds on to all our laughing silly or deep conversations about life . It has heard many happy birthday songs and held many cakes of all occasions to enjoy.It hears our dreams as we sit with our cups of coffee warming our hand s and chatting about those dreams we want or we should of persude . The kitchen table is like an old friend that is always there to sit around to comfort our so many thoughts and yes that what I feel as I know it’s my favorite place in the house . The conversations get less and less as we grow and sometimes as I’m sitting here yes with my coffee and staring out my window I can hear the laughing see the tears that have been shed here . .. and I notice a slight carve into the old tattered wood where my kids I couldn’t say which one ๐Ÿ™‚ where there’s a pencil marking when I may not have been looking someone tried carving their name or a marker stain and I smile thinking oh this table hasn’t heard the last of the laughter or deep conversations they’ll be more but of a different older time when they come home .. deeper voices .. more confident grown adults looking to enjoy a cup of coffee and a nice conversation.โค๏ธ

Anxiety…

Hmmm.. being a mom is such an amazing most beautiful feeling .That first moment whether it’s your 1st 2nd etc amount of children you have that special moment holding them in your arms and them looking up at you is like no other feeling you will ever know and you want to hold on to them and never ever let them go . You will protect them with all your might. There is nothing you wouldn’t do to keep them from hurting or succeeding in life…..but then the teenage yrs come and they turn into a person you know is your child but this attitude this whole new person standing in front of you is not that little girl or boy you held in your arms not that long ago okay well yes very long ago. Many moons ago but to a mom the time is irrelevant You know that little child is in that grown body some where now telling you their fine they got this let me be . Oh but those are words you thought you would never hear or would of taken a little bit longer to get here then it did. Why does time have to fly by so fast .

My mind keeps counting how many months to graduation and my anxiety grows.. every college application every moment waiting for that email or letter in the mail and seeing if they get in or the disappointment on their face when one college has gotten back to them and it’s a not at this time . So you watch them wait for the next . Oh and as the wait goes on you think how one step closer they will be-to starting this journey of life . As a parent a mom that journey also consists of change for us as well … figuring out what we do now when all you really have done has been a stay at home mom ,one because it worked and two because of my disability . ..But still what to do ? So my anxiety is up and flaring and I’m trying to change some things now so it won’t be so hard when he is off. Oh believe me he’s helping this hahaha my son and daughter are not home much my daughter the oldest is here more she has a place downstairs and a steady job and saving up and paying her car off so she is comfortable at the moment with her kitty living here with her . My son the youngest is ready to run . They are so opposite and it’s coming to light so much more now that their older … anyways my son is helping this change he’s usually at practice the gym with friends ,working or hiding out in his room that part is nice ๐Ÿ™‚ I must say I’m happy I have this blog it keeps me busy and something to look forward too plus I love my adult coloring and I’m reading more once again . Soon I can spend some time out with my friends and not worry about all the ice and snow . The days are getting longer. As I hope my spouts of anxiety get shorter ๐Ÿ™‚

Just that kind of day…

A mild whatever kind of Saturday.. my hubby and his friend stayed busy finishing up the last details on our new barn. My daughter and son spent the day working and it was just Miss Abigail and I walking around the house doing a few things that needed but really didn’t need to be done was just keeping busy since there was no place to be . My hubby and I are now just finishing our take out and my son off to a basketball game with his friends my daughter still working . Nights like this are so expected now I listen to how my sister in-law and her family are all settled in at home watching movies together..I can’t remember the last time my family watched a movie together . Life goes by fast just the way it is . Do I like it … no but not much we can do bad enough that I can’t sleep very well when their out at night especially my 17yr old being a teenager …and he is not good at. Checking in he is getting better though .Any how is been a non productive day ..need those kind of days once in awhile.