Nights Thinking… 

The evenings are so much shorter these days as I’m not just talking about it getting darker earlier , it just used to be consumed by early suppers then getting the kids doing and finishing their homework then baths and showers and one tv show and reading time and  then off to bed. Now it’s later suppers and whoever is here to eat what I make and when then earlier settling in bed to watch some shows but now replaced with catching up on them on stream lining NBC the next day because hubby has to get up so much earlier for work so earlier to bed because we are older now and mornings are not good without the proper sleep🙄 how things have changed … oh believe me this is not a rant or complaint just a sad statement to life  and how much it changed in the past couple of years . I’m adjusting it’s a lot more simple  and sometimes less stressful but I’m learning or should say my hubby and I are learning how to relate to our older kids now and our life with eachother again … you will be so surprised if your younger and just starting out with marriage, babies and your reading this and going what ? Believe me now that my kids have grown and we are less needed and the focus is not all on them . You  come to realize how much you and your better half have changed and grown it’s such an amazing thing . I find that we are settled in our own routine and that’s okay and we have our routine as a couple as well it’s so different how we relate now ,this whole new chapter . Waiting to be discovered .   

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Moments…

Laying here now in bed and remembering  .. just went through old photographs  of my Son when he was little trying to pick some out for his senior congratutory page in his high school yearbook . Never thought this would be so hard, so many photos I want and I have to choose from but yes it’s only a page🙂  and looking  back just reminds me how fast time does go  by… sad actually seems like yesterday I was just rocking him to sleep with his little head laying on my chest and always one hand holding on to  my hair that hung down . I never knew why he did that but I will always remember that . Now I look at him it’s remarkable how much his appearance has change well of course it has hahaha  but when he was little his hair was as white as snow and his face his longer then oval now tNothig like the photos that stared back at me some hours ago .  . My daughter still has some features from when she was little so people can  still tell it’s her . No one recognizes my son if they haven’t seen him in awhile it’s so unbelievable . I think I have some resemblence when I was a kid . It’s strange how it goes . So just laying here and amazed and slowly drifting off to sleep . Monday will be hear before we know it So I guess it’s time to get some sleep. Good Night …

Learning….

I guess we are never to old to learn . . I’m learning I need to let things go I had posted in my last post how I was worried about my daughter and her relationship she is in . We had a good talk and we are on the same page , I thought we where not this is where I am  letting people work things out for themselfs ( my  kids) and not to let things get to me when it’s not to my liking well  or different then what I’m use to . ..my daughter is doing what she needs and wants to do at her own pace. I find I’m connecting better with my kids lately . Things baby books you get when your expecting  doesn’t teach you how to be a mother to them when their  older but then again I never read them. I just went by my heart   and my hearts is telling me now this is right what I’m learning , ,it’s hard I find myself biting my tongue a lot lately this is going to take some time  but I need to let go a bit more and let them learn to take care of things and let them fail too if that’s the case. 

     This is good for me too and my husband we are doing more together with just us and  this we have not done much  of since we had kids . It’s strange how thinks come full circle again but we are older now and what we did then we do not do now it’s so much different  but I’m enjoying the difference . Change is good. 

Happy Moments!!!

Good Morning!!!  a quiet morning my husband and daughter and son off to work and school so enjoying my cup off coffee and watching  my pup and daughters cat running around the house playing together so maybe it’s not a quiet morning:) such happy little things.so my daughter was talking with me before she left this morning telling me how the winds yesterday had  brought down a tree into the road by our driveway big enough to be a nuisance for drivers so she went on telling me how two trucks pulled over to the side of the road with their flashers on and two men proceeded  to pull the tree out of the way , what amazed me what she said next …”It was so nice seeing two people work together  I worried  bit with  passersby I hope they see them  it’s  nice to see there are still some nice people in this world” I was so astonished  by her statement… its so nice seeing people work together ….its nice to see there is still nice people in this world. It’s sad  when something that should be such a normal gesture is a shocker to our young generation it just shows us how bad is over doing the good …we see more bad behavior then good and our kids see this as well I am happy mine still see the good.. I had worried that they didn’t . My 15 yr old shocked me as well because it has not been a good month at school … and a student/friend of his will be changing schools because of an incident that should of never been possible but the student/friend has not had it easy there as been judgement and just wrong behavior but my Son told me how they talked and he felt bad and told this person he understood of the school transfer I was so happy to hear how kind he was ,now once again I shouldn’t be surprised but peer pressure is at a very high level right now . I wish we could take notes on how some of this generation still believes in being a good human beings ….naturally, shouldn’t it not be a a second thought to have good judgement??? I guess not… I am not trying to preach just stating my happiness that yes there are still good people and I hope for more and I am happy my kid’s have that.

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21st Anniversary!!!

Today is mine and my husbands 21st Anniversary, I am in awe of how fast that came let’s see if you add 6 yrs together before getting married we have been together 27 yrs. where did that time go it’s not a blur but more like  book that is  left out in the wind and the pages flip  rapidly  through and you can’t grab the book  in time before the wind looses your page . life has changed a lot since we got married …yes that is what happens that is what is suppose to happen, we get married or not we have kids or not we focus on our careers or not whatever the path we choose or where god leads you.. my husband and I worked a lot and we chose to buy a house that needed a lot of love and care and we knew we wanted to marry we jumped on it  so we worked through the week and weekends were spent working on the house with the help of family and friends ..  and we  spent our weekends with friends or at our home with home cooked meals  snuggled on the couch with a good movie and snacks money was tight but it worked  we had two dogs we got has pups and they were our babies. life was good we had fun  and then one day I found I was pregnant which nothing we planned on or was   against just didn’t think this  could ever be possible because with my health issues and that is where God chose my path with this blessing of a beautiful baby girl and I a stay at home mom. yes it was a little hard financially at first but that what I chose and  it worked out in the end and then five years later I received my second blessing my handsome baby boy and my doctor said okay no more you have two healthy kids a girl and a boy …I agreed never imagined this would be possible I became busy things changed rapidly like life does but you never imagine. I was busy being a mom and I  took the role very seriously I love being a mom love taking care of my family and then guess what?? They grew up and I found myself less busy less chaotic less the cool mom but just a mom that quote my son who I am not his friend but his mother…hmmm okay.. yes boys have a mind of their own and have all the answers well mine thinks so. My daughter graduated works a lot and spends time with her boyfriend but we get our lunch out day.:)  my kids are beautiful and turned out to be good kind people ,so since them getting older I have been so  focused on so much of who am I? and thinking I lost myself and my husband but each day I am learning and finding out yes I have change yes my husband has changed….we grew up and as I sit here writing I think I haven’t lost myself Im still back to writing like I have always loved to do but didn’t have time and reading more and socializing again but without the kids. I was so worried how our marriage would be now but it’s calm content and we are happy and learning the next chapter in our lives and god willing we keep learning.

 

 

 

Hope Chest….

I decided since not much going on this weekend in between bringing my Son to dances and friends I would once again make myself try once again to
tackle a project I kept putting off. My Hope chest or cedar blanket chest actually I really do not know if they sell them anymore. I believe I was 20 yrs old when my husband at the time boyfriend bought it for me. over the years it has over flowed with things that I felt the need  through the years to hold on too, we all
know we really do not need to hold on to half of the things we do but it’s human nature, everything just seems special, I was going through it and I found this bag always amazes me what I find, in it was two pacifiers
one pink one and one white one with blue on it, my heart melt at that moment. Time has away of catching you off guard and showing us how fast life can pass by I looked at them thinking back how my daughter couldn’t live without hers and my son could take it or leave it ,I know only pacifier’s but they hold so many memories to me . these little objects just seemed to define me as a Mommy and now I am Mom …Mother.
just such a different roll ,I know that this is all normal every mother goes through this. just seems to happen so fast I thought when my Daughter was little and was always needing me in eye view and would cry if I wasn’t and she would fall and bump her knee or head because she was so unsteady on her feet when she started walking was so hard to watch or my Son being colicky and the sleepless nights were so unbearable at times, is nothing in compare to them now grownup and worrying when they will be home or if my daughter has a  bad day at work and something is not fair I can’t fix it for her because now she is an adult and that is her job I can just only  be by for quiet talks to help her feel better and my Son who things he has all the answers I just have to let him find out the answers whether good or bad and just guide him. now I look back and sometimes I miss those days when they where little I felt more in control.  I have always been good at taking care of things and now that seem to be less and less these days so now I see why more then ever why I started this blog…..  I am learning to and have time to do what I like to do and that is write read more  socialize more and learn to step back  little and say stop let them figure things out for themselves and watch my husband look at me with those eyes of I know you have something to say and laugh when I keep my mouth shut hahahaha…he understands he is just so different then me .I just love taking care of them, not doing this as much feels like a part of myself is missing. It’s not like we can go back to that person we were before our kid’s because we have grown in so many different  ways  and directions that we are not in  the same place anymore. which isn’t a bad thing just a change you learn to or need to except.binkiesforblog