Calm..

Woke this morning with a unsettled feeling. If I can even call it that . It’s really hard to define what I was feeling. I grabbed a quick shower then went and grabbed some coffee. Still feeling the unsettled ness .I tried to shake it off as just tiredness . I knew though it wasn’t that. I went about getting somethings done around the house. As the day went on I started go feel more at ease . By afternoon I felt better. I decided to go outside and absorb some sun in my face . Feel its warmth. It was such a beautiful day out. The sky could not have been any more blue then it was . Such a deep radiant blue. I just enjoyed the sun ,listening to the birds. And in the distance of the woods I could hear the acorns falling . All was peaceful.

A car pulled into the driveway. And my peace felt gone within seconds . My in-law aunts seem to arrive at our house . I do not mind company . I do welcome it but I like to know when someone wants to visit. I waited for them to come into the house .once inside things became strange. Well rude. Not on my part but theirs. They made rude remarks. at me because they didn’t like what I was saying. It wasn’ their way . Sadly these are two sisters who have never married and live together. I believe their not happy people unless they judge someone . I do not agree with this behavior . I have put up with it ever since I married. I am or for the most part kind to everyone as long as you are to me and my family if not I will not stand for it and yes it has got me In Trouble many times. I am a fighter I can get angry yes who wouldn’t when your verbally being attacked for no reason but being yourself. Yes I have change a lot over the yr. I have come to take care of me . I have come to realize there is a time when you had enough so yes . I speak my mind . But today was different. Something felt different. As they dished out the bad behavior . I stood there sipping on my tea. I replied with one maybe two words. I was so calm. I wasnt letting them get away with this if that’s what your thinking. I was just calm I had no will to fight there was no reason to . They were being rude. My daughter was amazed at my calm demeanor . And honestly I believe they where shocked the relatives . Because I had no come back .. no raised voice, I just kept excusing myself to walk away for a bit. My calmness amazes me. And the anger I would once feel when this happened. was not there. I was just calm. Luckily I thought of a away to makeup an excuse to get them to leave by telling them my daughter I had appointments to be at and we needed to go . Lucky my daughter caught on with what I was doing. So we acted like it was time to go . Thankfully they stood up from where they where sitting and head for the door. I told them to have a good day . And they were gone . I do not know what happened . The person standing there in that room with them just felt like it wasn’t me. (Haha) no I’m not crazy .. yet😂 Its just a yr ago I would have been lashing back at them and giving them what they wanted . A reaction. But today I believe I shocked them with my calm demeanor . And it was like they inflated. All was quiet for many moments. And I felt fine. My daughter was impressed.

I will never understand why people have to hurt others why they get pleasure out of being rude to others. Maybe their really not happy with them self’s . Maybe their not as confidence as we think they are. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. I really do not like to think bad of others.. Sadly I did use to judge. But now I see no point in it . It only hurts us to be so hurtful by that behavior. And turns us into angry people and I know I do not want to be that kind of person .

Give me strength …

it’s night time once again … happy that this week will soon be over and then April vacation begins on Monday for my son , yay!!!! He needs a break from all the drama at school and needs a break from people he thought was his friend best friend but sadly my son found out the hard way … my son holds trust and loyalty so high and now this kid who broke his trust will never see my son as a friend again . My son won’t let that happen.. why do people have no guilt in hurting others ? Life can be cruel in so many ways but I’m hoping in less then two months when he graduate he will see life in a different light . Yes not always easy but so worth looking to another day , new beginnings hopefully he will see a happier road in front of him . I pray that he will .

Yes being a teenager has its drama but it’s so different these days . The times have changed people not all but a lot are out for them self’s . I try I’ve taught my kids to be good people , but in this world like the saying goes … “nice guys finish last ” but just maybe being last isn’t so bad maybe its a good thing if your last then your not up there where all the hurtful disloyal people are ., yes… I try to find a silver lining out of everything .. one of my many faults ,hmm maybe but it keeps me hopeful that silver lining .. when I pray at night I always tell god it’s so hard down here why ? I wish he would answer maybe then I could find the answer the would be able to see that smile on my sons face more often , Or hear my daughter come home from work and tell me one time how nice a customer was to her then to hear how they complained over her not having something that they so needed that they had to be so hurtful about🙄 Really is this right? No ! Karma I want to say but with that make me any better then them … just hard being a parent hurt me I can take it but do not hurt my kids. Well on that note I will try to settle my mind down and let this humming of the fan hahaha yes gotta love this fan 🙂 drift me off to sleep . Maybe hubby is snoring could be a long night 😂

letting things go…okay trying.

Woke up got things going earlier around the house since the rain calmed down and the sun peaked of and on and my daughter had the day of we decided to spend the day together get out of the house so since I just got my subie  back this week we took my car and went to grab some Starbucks all was going good it felt good to be driving my new car because if you have read my past posts I  have not had an easy time with that car I have had more driving time with their loaner cars. So my daughter and I decided to look for the school my son would be starting is first Spring track meet for the season and we had to drive slow well I was going 10 to 15mph in their parking lot and my daughter turned the music down and says “do you hear that noise “? Im like nooo okay it was me in denial there was no way not too people outside the school could hear it and stared I just wanted to jump out and beat my car the noise started as a rubbing noise from the back right wheel when you got over 20 you didn’t hear it as much but when we got to our driveway the noise was a high pitch  we just sat there my daughter was like so what are we going to do and I calmly grabbed my cell and called the Manger at the dealership again….but this time I was calmer not the radical person they had the last time. but straight to the point that I was disgusted and what where they going to do and he said we are going to have you bring it back and we will give you a loner and my people WILL as he emphasized it and check all the breaks and everything again I just sighed to myself again hmm lets say for the first time.but like I said I kept it to myself because  their going to take care of it and I’m going to not over think this what do I expect new used car .

My new or trying to be new attitude let it go it’s a car I will have a car I am not stranded it’s life let it go….they will fix it . out of my hands .yes trying this let it go attitude need to for myself and especially my kid’s . let the little things go deal with the bigger be more happier carefree enjoy and be thank full for my blessings  Believe me not an easy task for me  letting things go  I know somethings  are not to be let go but over the years I have taken it to a bit of an extreme. Now I am going try to not be as uptight. …will see I will keep you posted how this is going,   I will add one thing before I enjoy a movie with my family …Starbucks was so good and spending some laughing moments with my daughter was the best.