Give me strength (rant)

Why is it that the people  who care so much about others are the ones who seem to feel hurt the most?..I always wonder if I was falling who  would be there to catch me ? Anyone …yes I have my doubts .. priorities are  so misplaced .  How does one who care so deeply stop ?Do we eventually stop because we learn it does not matter people just don’t care about people like us.only themselves…is that what I need to do  just care about myself and let people take care of themselves? I’m emotionally exhausted I think I need to step back and just stop trying and just  be , hmm let’s See how that goes. Is life trying to tell me something I can let go or are people just selfish …yes will see I will keep you posted.


Missed dearly, loved always…

I happen to look out my window and catch a glimpse of something moving in the distance

for one moment I  thought it was you ….

my mind snapped back …but my heart did not.

my eyes want to see you . and my heat  doesn’t want to let go

you where my protector when I was alone

you where my comfort when my house was quiet with sleepers but I was not.

you where the one I could shed my tears on when no one else would understand.

all I had to do was look into those big brown eyes and I felt all the love you had for me as I had for you.

forever missed……..




Teenage years….

This morning my husband had country music playing in the house and we all know how some country songs are good at singing  about loosing your girl or man and how I thought she would be the one etc..etc.. so you get the idea , well my Teenage son as been taken over by the teenage monster that’s the only way I can describe it…so many mood swings that serious look on his face like he is constantly thinking and most likely is about her ughhh…. the girl that has got such a hold on his heart for 3 yrs now and let me just say a roller coaster ride this has been and not a fun one she is so hot and cold okay let me explain better. Do not get me wrong she is not a bad person she has values goals very smart can be nice  is very independent  but very insecure so she is so afraid to trust. she tells my son all the time why me you could have anyone, okay my son knows a lot of girls and he probably could date any one of them but he does not want them he wants her and I think after 3 years of being with her off and on due to her saying they need a break I think he has proved who he wants but she keeps shutting down and ignoring him at school for weeks on end then out of the blue she decides she wants to be with him again and my poor son follows…so sad… now its been two weeks after a good amount of time that they where doing really well I thought oh finally .No… so as this morning as the country music is playing  and I see him staring out the window and I know he listening to the words a deja vu moment for me I remember being that age and thinking and dreaming of that lost love and oh my gosh I know how he is feeling he reminds me of myself at this age and he is so social and funny like I was and when I got hurt  that hurt was felt very deep into the very soul of my  being .  what can you say ? nothing really .

Its a strange thing when you feel to the very core of your body  of how their feeling and its happens to be your child and that whole If I knew then what I know now talk would not help because for them this is now and their world at the moment and you know they just have to push through this and all you can as a parent is be there for them. I would not want to be a teenager again oh no and in this day in age I cannot imagine. I know it’s a lot more harder and complicated . I do know what I would like to say to the girls mom who loves my son and that would be tell your daughter just let him go for good this whole keeping him on a string his hurting him and not fair to him and she has to be the one to cut that string because that string is the only thing that gives him hope ….so cruel. it’s a amazing to have a teenager and actually see almost a spitten  image of your self going through this and now knowing and wondering how your parents felt. I will tell you it’s hard and heartbreaking to watch  and being your very first real love is a hurt that goes very deep. We all remember our first love and if you say you dont then your in denial or with them now. I know I remember mine and let me just say i’m thankful he was my first love but not my forever lasting love.