- Woke early after a good nights sleep surprising ! ( hahaha) I’m not known for a good nights sleep. Or getting to bed around 11 but I believe after the sad news all weekend I was mentally exhausted.. Today was nice I took it in strive. I jumped in the shower then grabbed some coffee and enjoyed while I watched the Wendy Show. House was mine once again everyone out at work and my daughter shopping . I enjoyed . Did the things that needed to be done around the house. When my son arrived home with my car ….( soon my car will be mine ) I left and went and grabbed our mail and yes I turned up the radio and enjoyed my music. Love this moment took a ride before doing what I came to do . It was nice and well needed.. it clears my mind . When I realized after taking the ride and getting what I came for 2 1/2 hrs had passed . My son needed my car for his second job but I had known that so I was back in time but why did I feel guilty ? I do not know why I do this to myself …my son was fine he actually asked if I had a nice drive because he knows I took a drive … he knows me well. I guess just being so busy for so long and constantly thinking of your families needs you tend to forget about your own and then when you get this time the guilt sets in.. a very vicious cycle. I do know if other Mothers feel this way but sadly I do.. still need to work on this. See we always are learning something at any age..
It’s been a very warm humid week . Air conditioners have been working over time. Went out only if I really needed to otherwise I just enjoyed the air conditioners and got a lot done with the help of music piercing down the hall from my sons bedroom. It wasn’t his music but mine. He has the best speakers to hook my phone to. 😂It was nice to listen to my music as loud as I wanted having the house to myself . I was able to drown out all my thoughts that have been occupying my mind… and get a break from them. This summer has been another learning experience . They have been for the last couple of years. This one is been a bit more . This month I turn 50… wrapping my mind around this is ..has been really hard . I’ve just started to get use to having adult kids and trying to find myself after all these years .I know I have talked about this in recent posts about not being the person I was before kids and now after having them . Yes we do age ..change ..grow up time doesn’t stop but now I’m trying to find contentment in this next chapter. I find myself questioning what I do what I enjoy ,how I spend this time of no more family routine but just being is okay. I tell myself I have done my job raising my kids being the best mother, wife anyone can be. And doing this with a chronic illness . Which when I was raising my family I did not think about it sure I felt the effect of my health issues but I was occupied I focused on my family. I exceeded more then Imagined . I wasn’t even suppose to be able to have kids especially two of them. I should take this as a time to now enjoy my books, writing , socializing and I do not mean with other mother’s but my friends . Friends I grew up with. funny thing is I have lost most of those mother’s now we have all gone other ways. I have lost one that was very close to me and I thought even when our kids grew up I would enjoy this next chapter with her…
Life had other plans. I slowed down a bit more which ugh…age does that. and with a chronic illness makes it a bit more challenging. I guess I just couldn’t run with her like she run’s and I do not mean jogging I mean constantly going here there and every where . Did this realization hurt yes. I never wanted this illness to define me it never has until this summer and it hurts. I let her define me by showing me what I cannot do. and her walking away from me I am not her problem she has a right to live her life but I thought she respected me enough to know that I still had thought we where still friend… now I have faced yes I am a bit different in ways your health can effect you. My mind feels so young but my body feel so much older….and now add 50 into the mix . Do I know aging is a blessing yes do I know it’s just a number ? yes but this is still going to be a hard one. Please I am not having a pity party Or want pity just letting my thoughts out Everyone is fighting their own battles and my heart breaks for them .as much as life is beautiful it can be hard…with us all sticking together I think it will make it a lot easier to get through. . ..Thankfully I have found , become great friends on here with someone that has helped me so much and she know’s who she is. I feel so blessed to have found her as I hope she feels the same way about me. She is such a blessing. I am so happy to add her to my short list of close friends . She has reminded me what matters many times over… and for that I thank her and hope everyone who is fighting their own battles has a person like her in their life like I do. I promise, well will try to have more of an up beat post next time.💖
Today my new toy was delivered . And I am very excited but have a lot to learn since I have been doing most of my blogging on my phone .i bought a Chromebook it’s simple fits me perfect . It’s just learning to navigate. Yesterday I went to post a photo and it stated I didn’t have enough storage so thinking it was my phone I I deleted about 20 pics . Well just realized doing so most of those photos were photos on 20 post on my blog so if you read my posts you may come across no picture ughhh . Come to find out I think it a sign that I need to upgrade . Pay for blogging. So that will be the case soon since I love to post so many pics and videos. I just hope when I upgrade I do not loose all my posts I hope it stays the same . So if you notice no pics this is why 🙄
Anyways so I bought a Chromebook I am loving it like I said a lot to get use to typing on a keyboard. Have to figure how to post a pic on here then delete it on the book so I don’t fill up that space. Also my son gave me a mouse which is nice to use when I’m home with it inside . I love how mini it is. Just enough for me. Thank you to Jinger her blog The intrepid Arkansa she has is helping me so much to figure this out. So thank you Jinger!🙂 so here is my new toy. This blog is being done on my phone until I figure this out a bit more.
Once again here we are Monday again . And late afternoon at that .Had a Dr.’s appointment . Routine blood work followup. Then back home to cleanup the house and chatted with my daughter while we did our things.. It’s a rainy cold day … a rude awakening after a beautiful warm sunny weekend. Sitting on the deck with my book or just with my daughter chatting and enjoying the sounds around us was nice. My son went for his interview he said it went well but will see if they call him. Crazy transitioning time for him . All of us … when I think about how busy I was .. we were with little kids running around and having to be some place or another, every minute of the day play dates , school open houses , sport events. ..seems like only yesterday. Busy was nice . I miss it at times.. maybe not the running part I guess I will admit.. but the chaotic parts of friends running in and out of the house . Sleepovers, loud music .. I know all the things I’ve mentioned before on my blog. I guess seeing the transitioning my son is going through brings it all back to me . It was more fun is what I think he is thinking . (hahaha) he was always rushing to grow up and now he is and I think he love to take it back .. well maybe somethings. 🙂 life is not easy it has its up and down moments .. it’s struggles and rewards . But it’s defiantly worth it. The key is just keep moving forward and having faith . I try to tell both my adult kids this . I know they agree but do not want to hear it. When things are on the downside . They will learn . I think we all keep learning no mater how old we are . I know I have had a year of my own transitioning and learning. But like I’ve told my kids keep moving forward that’s what I tell myself . At times it’s slower then it would be fore them but it’s still moving forward..
Hi everyone ! Haven’t blogged for days or maybe it just feels this way ( hahaha) been busy during the morning ,enjoying my coffee outside in the cooler temps and spending here and there time with my kids then evenings spent on the deck with my other half enjoying the stars and the cool refreshing night air. Been trying to learn the knack of meditating and let’s just say it’s not going very well, I am such a thinker so clearing my mind is not going to be easy. I’ve heard how meditating is such a good release . Now to to just be able to do it,I will keep trying . Also I have now started another book . So I’m happy to say I’m back into enjoying reading like I use to. It’s been a very different kind of summer. Learning new things about myself , and learning that change isn’t always a bad thing. and .., yes I do think that way . I’m happy to be connecting more with my older sister as well we have had a past of rough patches for many many years but this summer we have turned a corner and we have been able to get close again . I happy to say this is one of my many changes that have taken place that is so precious to me. I think the timing is perfect , we need each other and it’s great to have her in my kids life and I’m in theirs Life’s a funny twist of events . Some are easy and some so not . When you push through the not so easy it’s so rewarding . It makes anything possible. Well hate to cut this short but it’s getting late and I want to read a bit before getting some sleep , just wanted to let all of you know I’m still posting just it’s been a bit less lately . I’ll be posting more often once I get into my new routine of all my changes . Have a good night everyone!
No matter how old we get ,we are always learning . I must say I’m finding that even though my Son has graduated ..the drama with my sons friends parents…not all but most still can’t let go of the drama. I could blame social media but I can’t say it’s to blame … I have met some wonderful people and am happy to call them friends it’s just what you choose to do ,for instance Facebook I have many family members from out of State many local friends and many from a afar from other parts of the world that I love to connect with on Facebook , there’s just a few (locally ) that are a thorn in my side and make me want to shut my account down , these few act like we are still dealing with high school kids and have to get involved okay become nosey and start trouble … my son and I have always had a complicated relationship he never liked me to be that mom who was involved in every school activity , or his friends this was his world and I’m his mom not his friend now we get along much better since his graduation, do we have our moments oh yeah but we are both learning , but a few are so in their kids business it’s horrible , when I get on fb just to catch up with people I enjoy ,this one lady just has 20 questions of course about my son my life what she has what she’s doing what she’s getting I want to write in all upper case I DO NOT CARE! I know karma will bite me… but come on I do not need this . But I am learning , and letting it be okay to ignore change the subject when I get a message from her . So many people have said well just get off of Facebook , no I do not believe that is the answer well not for me. I’m learning just how I want to use it . If that was the case then I would drop every social media site … I love my Twitter all my soap fans are on there and we chat about our soap.I love my instagram because I can share special moment in pictures on it and see other parts of the world with my distant friends. I love my blogging because I can share my feeling my life and I have met some wonderful people that I also would like to call friends. So yes I’m learning how to now be on these sites with no more high school track pics .. no more coffee pics since I do not buy coffee out anymore. 😥 yes a learning experience and new chapter begin and please no drama🙂
A very long mentally exhausting day… moments on the phone dealing with financial aide and figuring out life that isn’t talking about my life but my sons …. yes defiantly something wrong with this picture …. be 17 and you think the world is yours hmm ..and things will just magically happened ….. NOT! ..Oh to be 17 and have your head in the clouds ….help! So yeah it got better towards night time when I’m trying to fix supper and my son in his mood comes home and throws a pkg of Hamburg on the stove to open and cook but the problem is the burner is still on because I’m still using it yeah the house filled with smoke I grabbed it but not fast enough the fire alarms are touchy but yeah there was smoke so they went off screaming through the house having Miss Abigail run for cover, my hubby running around and opening windows as my son stood there doing the blame game with me …oh boy let’s just say that didn’t last long I shut down and just glared when I do.not speak you know I’m done .. he just kept staring at me while we all finally sat at the table eating.. I have still said nothing even in his return from the gym.. I’m in my bed settling my mind or trying .. and flying the defeat flag tonight . Just tonight …