People….

Hi Everyone I hope all of you had a good weekend and Monday.I did until this evening just warning you this could be a long post beware 😭… I alway thought I was a people person actually I don’t know now I guess it depends on the person so maybe not .I looked up the definition and it states people that are good with dealing with people okay well yes and no then . A person I have known since my son and her daughter went to preschool and now graduating together I could take her but would need a break because she could become over bearing with a lot of un called forbragging and know it all …but this past last week we have done well chatting through text well the Facebook app and it’s actually been pleasant .Tonight she stepped over the line over something yes important but not important enough to be hurtful .. My son didn’t participate at the fundraiser for his class he went to sports practice and then came home and did homework and my hubby and I where not going to go then and we respected his option to op out he told them no it was a dinner .. one he wasn’t the only one who didn’t participate but that’s is not the point.. I know any how it’s a bit late I told him what’s it for we have paid for a yearbook they where not suppose to , will be paying for his graduation gown so where is the money going ? My son said I believe for our first class reunion my hubby and I where like what…. that’s 5 yrs away … and this lady had been on me all day leaving messages on oh how her daughter was running everywhere doing all the work and it just kept going … now she can stretch the truth a bit and her daughter can over do herself to try to look like the best once again not the point …and remind you I was still ok was not letting her get to me. My son has had a hard time lately with classmates he’s ready he needs to graduate soon he does not do drama and well he told me I would regret chatting with her and my daughter warned me as well he and she where so right she rubbed people in my face this evening because my son and hubby and I where not going to let her push us to go … if anyone knows me you do not do that.. then I’m done …. and she hit hard with that and all I have ever done was mind my own business take care of my family , teach my kids to be good and be polite we have done what we needed to do. This yr so anyways we taught our kids never let anyone ever belittle you well .. hmm I guess doing this I’ve shown people you can walk all over me .. oh mo I’m not that easy so now I am done. People do not know me .

I try to be a nice person to everyone . I do not get in other peoples business . I honestly think my blogger friends oh and my family and closes friends know me the best. I can be myself when I write ..right now yes I’m venting … just so angry, hurt if I could of stomped around earlier I would of but I can’t because that would only hurt my hip 😂. I’ve only shown kindness to this person but then to throw people in my face especially the people who’s kids hurt my sons feelings and trust so much and this lady knows it is a low blow. Why? These parents are as bad as their kids with drama …. why are people so hurtful life is so short and people worry and hurt others over the simplest things. My kids say I worry too much about making people happy that I should worry about myself is that the right thing? Is that what we are suppose to do ? I really do not know anymore.. of course for starters my son said Facebook should go hahaha true….getting there . Yes I am just trying to figure things out …

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Rainy day … Thinking

It’s a rainy Spring day and it was easy to get things done around the house that really needed to be done then rushing around so I could sit out on the deck in the sun or take a drive and get a coffee …believe not a bad thing but so hard to do house work then. Supper is cooking in the crock pot the delicious smell of chicken cooking fills the house.and dusting is done laundry is going now relaxing and thinking about what a friend going to call her that she is one of my followers on my blog and she has one herself and she gave great advice on my last post. on changes and so I am sitting here and thinking about what she said and making my list. I hope she reads this and knows how i am taking her advice. It’s hard though because the person I was before my kids is a bit different or maybe I just lost who i was and its covered under the surface of being the person i am now and I just have to bring that person back to the surface…does that make since ? if you read my last post you will hopefully understand . So I know one thing hahaha I did get a little bit more serious over the years and uptight more which I think I could let go a bit… and I need to let go of feeling guilty for wanting to have more time for what I enjoy when the only one holding me back is me. I think my  kids want that because yes the string needs to be cut a bit . and there the ones cutting it and I am trying to hold on to . So hard this will take sometime maybe baby steps?  ….yes that could work. I  will get back to you on this.

Mental Illness …..

This is probably going to be the most personal article I write and a long time coming and  I feel it’s time to let this go. I decided after I woke up from a dream I had last night that actually gave me a release and I woke up feeling like a lot of weight off my shoulders and heart. I have had this kind of dream before but this was different ..I yelled I cried I spoke my mind with out no guilt …this dream I guess was due. younger brother was born with Cerebral palsy she was confined to a wheelchair. sadly ….it was a good thing because what was to come at the age of 13 was such a bad card dealt to him even more he was diagnose with Bipolar such a hard illness he turned into someone that was nothing like my brother angry violent untrustworthy sly I could go on it was so unbearable my heart breaks for what he was dealt with but it effected all of us in this family watching my parents go through this was so painful I was 17 at the time and I hate to say I hated him..well not him personally but this illness. for yrs he ended in and out of hospitals and finally he was put on med’s and they started working or made him more tolerable but my parent just kept doting on him and he knew it he knew how to work it ..why did they guilt??? love?? I guess but it was not good finally a yr went by and things got better and my parents unfortunately they passed with in a year of one another due to illness my dad first then my mom… I still believe she passed from a broken heart. I took on the care of my brother he moved into our house we built furnished for his disabilities and he was doing great had been on meds for awhile working well I had my two kids all seemed well until one day I started to see the signs my husband too because he had been on this journey as well with me because we had been dating at the time…. so we watched we got a hold of his psychiatrist and he said call the an ambulance and explain to him do not drive him now just let you know my kids where always  safe at this time because he was in a separate part of our house and we didnt let them near at the time my daughter was 10 and my son just turning 5. My daughter understood my son new but the biggest give away was when he started to say I am more independent and he was learning we were teaching him but the part when he said I can take care of my pills I can get them and take them but then at the time he also said I have been on them for 10 yrs I doing great I dont think I need them hmmm okay we said ok who said that then the lies came oh my counselor im like okay well will see .I hoped he would let go of that thought and iwas getting busier with my kids so he hired a pca Personel care attendant in which we told him to watch him take his pills well did not know he convinced them he could handle that task …. things went down hill from there so the anger came back the monster came back and off in to the hospital he went with them finding not one trace of meds in him.I was so upset and felt betrayed I gave up a lot we all did by bringing him in our home for him to stop taking them…his promise was if he lived with us he would always stat on those pills …why I had asked he wanted to go back to that ….it was awful he never did come back to our house because of the safety of my kids and I was okay with that the anger I had was horrible … he had one job take those pills. so now my son is 15 daughter 20 and my guilt is gone I did everything I could do he is in a home now and he does not speak to me but Iknow it’s the illness and the dream I had well that I believe was my release to my parents because in that dream I yelled and let out all my anger out and said things I knew I should of said at the time to them. so people do not feel guilty if someone suffers from a mental illness and you can’t help them its such a hard thing and so much more needs to be done with education on this subject for the families. Sometimes you just have to let go…in my case and my husbands we had to for our family.