And he’s on his way…

It’s 6:43 here and this day has been long and teary.. for my son its even longer only 5:43 where he is waiting for his 2nd flight and so many more hours to travel until he’s at his destination . When he arrives at the Base he gets one call to say he arrived . It will be almost midnight when that call comes in. I’ve heard from him through text while in between flights .. so much waiting. He’s doing well for his first time flying on his own . Tired .. letting him go this morning was so hard . Did well not to show too much sadness but he did hug me like three times and did the shake hand hug with his dad several times too which is unusual for him . I know he was a bit nervous but so ready. He stated he was nervous but ready but I just wanted to hold on to him and not let go . My baby boy .. no parent book in the world teaches you how to let them go. When my husband and I were driving back home from dropping him off my cell phone came to life displaying his photo I answered so fast ready to ask him if everything was okay . He called because he had two hrs to wait for his flight and wanted to let us know how long it would take to get to the Base and he was bored . Happy to hear his voice but after getting off the phone it triggered the tears . I already was missing him. Once home hubby and I told our daughter how it went she couldn’t come with us not knowing how long it would take and she had to go to work. Then him and I kept busy around the house ,him outside doing oil changes on snowblower .. generator getting ready for winter even though it couldn’t be anymore humid that we have an air conditioner running. So iI was inside cleaning up around the house finishing some of my sons laundry he has left anything to do to not think how quiet it will be for awhile . And here it’s evening now and catching the nightly news until we settle in bed and watch our shows and wait for a my son to call. . When I know he can settle I will . Yes always a mother. That’s what us parents do. Soon my daughter will be home she is ready to get home eat and watch her shows as well. I wouldn’t be surprised if It crosses her mind to ask where her brother is . She always would when she would get home from somewhere and knowing he was out he was always out she would ask where he was . I know I will think off and on I wonder what he’s up to for the day . I always wondered it . Habits.. well for now I will get comfortable color or try until shows are on.

Thinking….

In 4 weeks it will be my turn as a mom to let go of the strings that has her her child so close since the day he was born . to watch him go off into the world to do what he’s been waiting and working for. I thought I would handle this better then I am guess not. Right now it’s 1 in the afternoon and he is still sleeping I think he may have caught what’s been going around .. he wouldn’t tell me if I asked . Usually this is the only time he sleeps till this time when he’s sick. I have looked in on him but holding back to wake him to see if that’s it. He will say I’m babying him and I know I need to let go a bit but it’s so hard . He leaves in Oct and then comes back the middle of Dec for Christmas but reports back to Basic Training until March. I know he will be fine he chose this and then he will be in the Army National Guards and college if he chooses that path of full time army.

When you have kids no book or person can tell you how fast time flies and how hard it will be to let them go and do what their suppose to do. I know I need to stop focusing on counting down the days and enjoy these 4 weeks and be proud and happy for him.

Learning….

I guess we are never to old to learn . . I’m learning I need to let things go I had posted in my last post how I was worried about my daughter and her relationship she is in . We had a good talk and we are on the same page , I thought we where not this is where I am  letting people work things out for themselfs ( my  kids) and not to let things get to me when it’s not to my liking well  or different then what I’m use to . ..my daughter is doing what she needs and wants to do at her own pace. I find I’m connecting better with my kids lately . Things baby books you get when your expecting  doesn’t teach you how to be a mother to them when their  older but then again I never read them. I just went by my heart   and my hearts is telling me now this is right what I’m learning , ,it’s hard I find myself biting my tongue a lot lately this is going to take some time  but I need to let go a bit more and let them learn to take care of things and let them fail too if that’s the case. 

     This is good for me too and my husband we are doing more together with just us and  this we have not done much  of since we had kids . It’s strange how thinks come full circle again but we are older now and what we did then we do not do now it’s so much different  but I’m enjoying the difference . Change is good. 

Self discovery…

It’s February  vacation for my Son this week. let’s see I think since it began Sunday was the longest Ive seen him. Ever since that day he has been at friends houses and sleepovers . …he is definitely  my teenager. It’s all good this February   vacation has been moments of peacefulness contentment , I know what I mean or should say  what I  feel just trying to get it out in words will be hard but I will try so bare with me.On Sunday Valentines Day was celebrated by an anniversary Mass for my husbands grandmother . I grew up catholic  went to church every Sunday . Then married into a religious family brought raised my kid’s catholic but ….then life got crazy it was harder getting everyone to Church, yes sounds like excuses okay yes maybe??I will not deny. So we stop attending but I never stopped believing I say my prayers every night I still try to  instill this in my kid’s my daughter is an adult so this is her decision but my son is my struggle and  I mean a struggle and okay I do struggle with getting there too but once there I am good. I get this serene feeling that comes  over me. so yes this past weekend was a struggle  I held to it with my husbands help to get  my Son there  with us and the rest of the family .Off we went and it was such luck or fate I don’t know what to call it. the priest of the church ended up not feeling well so we had a retired priest that fills in and it was the one that my Son made his  first communion with and it was my sons last  class  that he taught then he retired . he is very dear to my heart and my sons he was down to earth but strict when he needed to be  but I always felt calmness with him so it was wonderful when we saw him and he was so happy to see my son hadn’t seen him and years and I think it was good for my son too, it made church go  so much smoother, the next thing that just seemed to fall into  place was when they said the sermon it was just  how I have been feeling the Deacon spoke and he talked about life getting more complicated  and parenting in  this day and age especially having  teenagers and finding the patience to parent them in this world ..etc.etc. My son and I looked at each other and just smirked it’s another moment I will never  forget.

Then my in-laws had made reservations at a restaurant which was the restaurant my husband and I  had our wedding reception at , as of Feb 25 th which will be 21 yrs this yr. so that was exciting and strange because we have not been back since our wedding My daughter had to work so it have been even better if she was there to share this with both my kid’s  oh but don’t you worry we will go back the four of us. So the day I was dreading because we had not been to church in awhile was turning out to be a moments of times  past, moments of signs  yes I do believe in signs and they seem to be every where that day  so amazing  how that happens .so this was so rewarding and did make me miss attending church like I should … so I’m thinking since the last two yrs have been a time of change I am thinking I may just start going to church on my own for my 0wn  peace of mind.  so we will see  life is funny at times and no matter how old we get we are always learning something new. I am learning about the next chapter of my life of taking care of my family but in a whole different way no more bedtime stories no more setting clothes out for them no holding their little hands while crossing the street. but letting go and trusting them letting them learn to cross the roads they go on with God guiding them and keeping them safe .