Contentment versus Happiness?

Here is the definition of content and happiness some will argue this meaning doesn’t or shouldn’t go together. I do understand the definitions but… I feel at times content can be used as a safe haven to use as an excuse to not further grow in life . To be happy to have the settled approach is easier then changing because we all no change can be so hard. If we settle to what is ..even if it’s not a good thing we as human beings do because it’s so much easier. We learn to live , except . Are we happy ? That’s my question . Like I stated content follows happiness but I have found many to say their content they have their routine their material things . Are you happy though and I will hear yes but no . Hmm yes because your settled no because you are not enjoying what you want to in life . Happiness yes is a feeling and some say a desire. Only quoting of what I have heard . Why is being happy over being content so hard for people to except . Why does happiness have a negative if we do not follow it with content. Yes some are very happy with just being , good enough. But do not frown on if it’s not the same believe of others. For example. When I was younger and not a mother I was out going social . I was happy with being me happy and never doubted . Then I became a wife a mother and I slow changed yes as we do . Yes my focus was taken away from me and now directed towards my family. Yes I was happy yes I was content I knew nothing else . My focus was what was asked of me what you do . My writing etc everything I enjoyed that was apart of ME slowly faded . Yes I still wrote except my writing took on whole other meaning about family life. I was less social even though you would think I was around other parents constantly with play dates . They where not my close friends that faded as well. Yes all probably my doing because ones I focus on something I take it to the limit. Who would figure our kids would grow up 🙄 well they did . And I found my ” content life” was not the same . My kids could not be my main focus anymore . It left me wondering now what? I cannot keep going as I was .

I see life now as I use to be yes older but my need to bring back what I love my social side my silly side , to be me . Take care of me . To realize life doesn’t slow down after the kids are out of the house. That life is about change .. a good change. To take control of my health , my wants, And to me that is yes happiness and contentment.

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Signs…

It’s close to noon on a beautiful Bright Sunday . I’m am just sitting enjoying my first cup of coffee. Yes a bit late , lazy morning. For all of you who read my post ,if you haven’t read it this will not make sense . Yesterday as I posted started at 6 in the morning .. (early for me ). And a good start I was sore but I was full of positivity . I was going to do what I needed .. could do . I did but as the day went on and people came and went and I became a bit more sore . The pity party struck me. I wanted to go places be active my energy level was so high but my body said no . I may have pushed it a bit more then I was told . Sadly I’m not one to be told what to do . And I dislike to be held back . I’m a fighter . I do . Hmm I wonder where my kids get this attitude. So yes as the day progressed . Pity turned into anger. Once again I so do not like to get angry because I do not often take it out on people but on myself . But you can still feel the vibe if your in my presence .

In a blink of an eye the signs came to light first it started with my daughter sending me a text on her work break. She rarely drinks Coca Cola and she grabbed a bottle without looking at it she went to sit and drink it . On the bottles some have random names on them . She texted me a pick of the bottle she wrote under I just noticed this mom look at the name . In huge letters was Francis . I was in awe I couldn’t believe it but a smile came over my face . It was my Dad’s name rare name especially on a soda bottle and when I was at a low point and my daughter having some bad days herself there he was showing us he was near . When he was sick he said he would always be there . My daughter was the last grandchild he saw born . She was 6 months when he passed . He loved her so much and told her one day as he was holding her ” this will be your world enjoy it be strong” sorry tears but happy ones are forming in my eyes. He told me to ” let him go to say goodbye before he got worse “he didn’t want me to watch him die. He said” enjoy your beautiful little girl focus on her love her be happy” so I did what he asked. It’s been unbelievably 24 yrs and I know he still sends me signs especially when I am down . He was showing us he was still with us. Some can be skeptical but I believe that was not random the name on the bottle.

Second sign but this happen to a my friend of mine . she was telling me about it yesterday as well . A ring she loved and wore constantly she lost months ago she’s a nurse so she thought it came off in one of the gloves she has to wear she looked every where as well for it no luck. She was cleaning her bedroom and she said she looked down on her dresser where she had a little basket that held her favorite rings . And there did she notice sitting on top of the others was the ring . She said she was so dumbfounded said she looked through it many times even grabbed other ring from it and it was not there . She asked all her family members if they found it and put it there . They told her they never saw or new it was missing so no. I said to her ” you do know what month it is”? She was silent for a moment I asked if she was still there? She said ” oh my Kim do you think” I told her yes . Her only and younger sister passed away 3 yrs ago of this month next week it will actually be 3 yrs . I am such a believer in all of this . I feel this so deeply. So I do believe she had a part in this . Okay last sign and yes a long post this is. My son came home while I was up watching a movie at midnight he was with friends all day . He told me how one of his friends had a bad day . Bad day is not the word I would use. He showed me a photo it was a car his mother handed down to him when she bought a new one , he only had it 3months … coming home from college for the long weekend with his girlfriend they were hit by a guy who was weaving in and out of the passing lanes and speeding on the highway.He hit him my sons friends car flipped twice and the suv not car was completely gone the photo showed pieces of the car all over the road . Him and his girlfriend walked away from it without a scratch . Yes a bit shaken up but good . People showing at the scene couldn’t believe it , this could , should had killed or at least hurt them . But nothing and thankful for that . Not their time. I do believe So after my son went to bed I sat there in the dark and silence andI told myself to stop feeling sorry for myself that there is so much worse things in life and this is just a little set back and that life is a gift , and we need to honor this gift whether it’s a love one guiding us that has moved on from this world or an experience of an accident we need to get up be thankful smile , be happy and stay strong . Life is not easy by any means but it’s so worth it.think about that as you go along with your day.🙂

Random thoughts …writing.

Get up smile , face the day with some good thoughts . Let nothing sadden you , let the thoughts in your head that are begging you to let in all the negative thoughts push them away . Be strong, laugh let the day be yours . Fill it with all the things you enjoy . Take a drive turn up the radio sing to your favorite songs. Or just sit outside and let the sun shine on your face . But just keep smiling. Be kind to others even if they are not kind to you because you may teach them how to be nice .. or maybe not but you will be happier for it .I know I never want to be a grumpy older person I know we never know what someone is going through . I’m just stating I do not let age get the better of me. . I want to always be able to laugh . Let my heart feel joy not sorrow. Yes there will always be some bad days but only for a moment. Keep moving forward . You will be happier in the end the reward is amazing. It’s a happier you.

Thoughts ..

Life full of ups and downs turns and twists changes . Moving forward never looking back. Moments of sadness that can bring you to your knees but then only makes you stronger.

Beautiful moments that take your breath away .

A voice that makes you smile when hearing it.

The fast beat of the heart that is caused from moments that are only yours to keep .

The warmth of the arms that you hope to once feel wrapped around you.

The soft whispers in the night that makes everything alright .

The thoughts in your head telling you to be brave.

The comfort of the night . The energy of the moon.

The sunshine on your face warming you but giving you the energy to reach out to the Universe for guidance .

The deep desire you feel in your soul when you know you found what your looking for .

An ever burning flame never to be put out .

The endless night sky full of stars lighting above watching over you

The distant scent that is a love one that has passed but you know is near.

The feeling in your stomach telling you something is not right. .. never ignore.

Taken the bad to lead to the good. No matter how hard.

The many paths that only you can or not to choose .

The rights and wrongs but what is right and what is wrong? Only you can know.

The words unspoken.

The silence that says it all.

The tears that fall but the tears that do not .

We are only human . We are who we are . No one can replicate us .

We are our own being.

Accept , Laugh , distaste , love, hate , desire if you may but we are only who we are ..

Just thoughts .. writing randomly what ever came out and well this is what came out .. hmm interesting.. 🙂 maybe not for many who will like but just writing..

Good morning!

    Good morning ! Enjoying my coffee on this sunny cold Fall morning. It’s been awhile since I have posted in the morning. I was sitting here and thought why not . Coffee and writing go great together. I’m feeling better each day . Physical therapy will start tomorrow. There thinking twice a week. But so happy I will be able to still go to Maine with one of my besties for 3 days. It will be cold but like my friend Renee on here puts it it will be cozy. Love that . My bestie and I will get a room looking toward the ocean and we will enjoy some eating out . Lots of hot drinks .. yes coffee for me (hahaha) and hot chocolate for her. And great conversation and a lot of laughs . It will be nice and so needed. Until then I will stay positive do what I need to do to get my leg feeling better. Yes like I tell everyone … one day at a time. Keep moving forward. Time for one more cup of coffee and then start my day doing what I’m able to do.

Thoughts…

I wake or I believe I’m awake. Darkness surrounds me. I feel like a child playing hide n seek and I’m grabbing and reaching for walls to guide me through this darkness. It’s so quiet everything is calm too calm. But in my head I’m hearing a faint scream. Is it me? I yell out are you there where are you . But no one answers back. Then I recognize the voice of the scream I hear it’s mine. Why oh why is it so dark why is no one there I begin to yell out again but then I’m awaken the sun is bright blinding .. I’m awake.

Oh how the wheels turn..

Life has been such a strange twists and turns of emotions since the beginning of summer. Leading my thoughts in every direction. and I just want to get off this rollercoaster at times. On Sunday my thoughts where quiet . I relaxed and settled in on my couch with my chrome book and the beautiful warm sun shining in on me warming me as I caught up well started to catch up on all your wonderful posts. The house was quiet my son once again headed back to his college dorm. And when he left the liveliness of the house left with him. The house feels sadly like a quiet hollow shell. It’s not that I haven’t adjusted to him now living in his dorm . SurprisinglyI have better then I ever thought I would. It’s just hard when he comes home on weekends and he comes in like a hurricane and leaves like one. (hahaha) yes it’s a country song but it’s the only way I can describe it. I think why my thoughts are in every direction is since both my kids are young adults now I am not in the Mother mode well always a mom but it’s on a whole new level . We can only guide and be there for them . It’s their time to find their own path and yes they will make mistakes but they will learn. I believe I’m finding my new path on this next chapter. I’m finding ME again . The person I was before kids ,is slowly floating up to the surface and of what and who I have been for so long is breaking off in bits and pieces . And I’m remembering the the person who was so social never went a day without laughter in it. A smile constantly on my face. That was replace with a serious detail to the limit non social person because I focused so much on the responsibilities of being a mother. Yes I did smile and laugh but it was different . I’m now left with no routine no place to have to be only if I want to be. I have reconnected with friends. And the best part I’m taking care of ME . Eating healthier and feeling good doing it. With a chronic illness it’s important . Yes at times it’s hard but I know I won’t stop . Just need to keep moving forward so with that said yes this has been my focus and not everyone is on board with me at times… okay that part is for another day but I cannot will not be discouraged . It’s just keeping it going and seeing that part of me I thought I lost so many years ago .Yes we age . We do change but we are still who we are and that is okay. So bear with me sometimes my posts will seem all over the place like my scattered thoughts but it’s all good..