I know I just wrote a post, but I’m laying here cozy in my blanket the only lights lightening up the room is from our Christmas tree . My son did an excellent job picking it out and cutting it down. He works on a tree farm around this time on the weekends. And the only sound throughout the house is the country music playing on the TV classic station. This is one of my favorite time of the day when I can have moments to myself and think, reflect, sometimes it’s not good but for the most part it is. As I’m laying here going through posts a song came on bringing me back in time. My Father played this one song many times when there was such a thing as records and record players. When the song came on, it stopped me for a moment from reading so I could close my eyes and let the memories flow through my mind — such a cozy warm, loving feeling. Of home as a child and the feeling of. Security came over me. Life seem so endless. And free, not a care in the world. As the song played, I could see my childhood house and the sweet scent of my mom’s chocolate cake baking. She made the best cake and homemade buttercream frosting. It’s been many yrs since they passed, but I feel I miss them more than ever, especially in this past year. I really could use my mom’s late night talks and my dad’s joking that always had me laughing so much and yes his caring words. How I asked for so much advice from him always worried I asked too much but I guess not he always found the time for me. Lately I have seen cardinals more then ever I believe it’s him letting me know he is here . I hope so. I hope he can hear me. As I write this, I am surprised by the tears that are forming in my eyes. Sad, I am a 50 yr old woman and still could use my dad’s advice right now. Or even just a wink from him followed by everything will be fine. What he would say when I felt the world heavy on my shoulders. Life really can hurt sometimes. I do not have it bad. Just so many things have changed in the last several yrs, especially this past yr. And so many realizations I wish I had help sorting out with. Time may lesson grief, but it will never rid you of it. It only makes one song, one memory to bring that loss of them back. Just as I was trying to keep my posts up beat here, I go again. ..
Oh it’s just seems like everything is a downward spiral… so not me I’m usually such a happy person. Yes I know we all have our moments, it just seems like it’s been something every day …. and it’s getting a bit tiring . I do not like feeling this way. I feel like I’m being pulled in many directions and it’s all in the directions I do not want to go …I try to do my best with helping family and others . But after awhile it can mentally exhaust you. I won’t go in to detail … it just needs to change and I just need a break from it.
On another note sadly we lost a beautiful young women today her and her family well known in our small town . She has struggled with cystic fibrosis her whole life after a couple years ago after having two lung transplants and her body rejecting them she was told she wouldn’t live to or pass the age of 25 . She passed today at the age of 26 … she suffered severely but always had a brave loving heart a strong will and a very big beautiful smile. She believed she wouldn’t beat the odds and so she lived her life to the fullest enjoying her family her pets her friends and raising money for her disease through many walking benefits even when she could only walk half way down the road. With the help of her loving guide dog . She made sure that everyday of her life on this earth was beautiful. And worth fighting for. So now she is at peace and the heavens have gained a beautiful angel. ❤️
I hope everyone has a good night and takes a moment to count their blessings and lives their life with love and happiness .
Go to sleep with a heavy heart , wake up with a heavy heart. When does it stop? This world is going in a sad direction more everyday. This life is not easy to begin with but to add more hate is not good. So I will think of the lives that have been lost and injured and pray that things will change. We can at least hope or can we .. is that going to be taken away from us too.💔
Sitting here drinking my morning coffee with a heavy heart. If your a parent or not this is hard to grasp once again …a school shooting has happened if you have heard about the high school shooting in Florida where 14 kids 3 staff members have been killed also some in hospitals fighting for their life please say a prayer for them .Hug your children hug your love ones life is so precious . As a parent I can’t and not want to imagine this pain . As a parent we do everything we can or I should say are capable of doing to keep our kids safe and sending them to school should not be a worry but it has become this way in this new world we live in . We need to do something . …
The last 4days have been an eye opener what you felt was important really isn’t well let me rephrase that it’s important but it’s not the end of the world . Just a little curve in the road that lets you see things in a different light. If you read my last posts you will have learned we lost a 17 year old who was part of our community in a horrible automobile accident we went to part of the service and it was all so heartbreaking and unreal Life sometimes can throw us a cruel joke . The loss of this young man will be a forever one. Through these last 4days my son has limped through them been off and on crutches since our Thanksgiving Football game ,he went to the ER but was still bothering him has he got ready for school so off to his Dr. we went results no indoor Track until he can get into a specialist my son is taking this at the moment not has bad as I thought he would be being that Track started today. Sadly he cannot get in for 2weeks their so booked . So we wait and he sits or helps the coach until then … I think he may take this a bit hard when it sinks in that he isn’t running .In the past I would of been devastated and feel bad for him …well I do feel bad for him but he new making the choice to play football he could get injured so life lesson we live with our choice . I am just feeling this has a little bump in the road and it’s not the worst thing in life I have seen that 😥. he will get through this and I will be calm and supportive but I will not let this be I told you so moment which I know will happen . We all live and make choices that we live with and some are good and some are bad but no one as a right to judge . Life isn’t always a easy ride and he will learn from this that he and no one is invincible from life’s curve balls no matter what situation arrives. Life is so incredibly beautiful but sometimes so hard.😥
Changes life’s way….everything is always changing sadly I am not very good with changes. changes need to happen that is how we grow or make things better but sometimes there hard ..sad changes and not wanted . A lot of them lately bitter sweet ones lets see soon we will all have a new President to some it’s good to others it isn’t we will have to learn to adapt which lately society is having a hard time of that and that is a worrisome thought. My Family and I have gone through a sad change our beloved pups past away before Christmas and it has not felt the same around our house especially for my daughters kitty Miss Abigail and I who spend most of our time in the house . Each day is getting a bit better but some days I feel like he is here because Miss Abigail does her hide in the corner then pounces in to empty air now like she is pouncing on the pups like she use to do, then they would chase each other down our hallway which is what Miss Abigail does after she pounces into empty air but something tells me she sees or feels her buddy …yes I believe in things like that it helps me get through with out him.
My Other change is in less then a month my youngest child will go for his drivers license and I am excited for him but worried at the same time because he is my youngest and he loves to always be on the go so I will have some or should say more sleepless nights. I just feels like yesterday he had just learned to pedal a bike how did time go by so fast its all so surreal . So make memories a lot of them a hold them tight because change has no time span and we are all on this crazy ride called life.
Every day is a new day …but I feel like I did yesterday.
I shed quiet tears for I am not ready to let you go. but I must , I keep moving forward
but it’s bittersweet. I find myself laughing then a memory nips me in the face like a cold windy day. I haven’t forgotten you don’t you know ….
your in my heart where you will be always.. . let me smile let me laugh for it’s too hard to carry this pain.