Holdays..

The holidays are arriving soon faster than we can wrap our thoughts around them. As each year of holidays come there, a bit different. Something has always changed. Whether it’s the kids, have grown, and now are spending them elsewhere. Or we have a loved one who has passed, and their missing presence is always there in your thoughts, then there is possibly a separation in a relationship, and the family dynamic is changed. Whatever it may be. It’s a hardship that pulls on the heartstrings for some of these things there brought more frontward into our thoughts and is felt much more deeply. And yes, it hurts so much. The thing is Holidays. They are going to come every year whether we enjoy them or not. And we have to need to find new traditions if you want to call it that. I prefer a new way of finding a way to get through them and to enjoy them. To accept what is and make new memories doesn’t mean you have to forget the other memories. You won’t. They’re locked away in your heart forever. Life has a way of pushing us to keep moving forward. To live with this thing called a new normal. It’s our way of coping excepting, especially if we have loved ones we need to be happy for. To help them as well to get through. I know for myself. A lot has changed over the years, and it will never be like it used to, and holidays do not have the same feeling. But they do have a new meaning to me. And it’s just that it’s one day and I feel that how we treat this day and the people that will be with us we should treat no different than any other day. We should love respect, them as always. Yes, we all have bad days, and words get spoken that is not very nice at times, but we are human, and it’s a part of life. So what I ask whoever is having a hard time with the holidays coming. Try not to be so hard on yourself. Let the day come embrace it. Except it for what it is. Just keep moving forward.

Living..

Life is amazing, beautiful. A gift. Yes we know this we have heard this many times over. Just look around look at the beautiful flowers that grow wild in a field of green . The sound of the birds as they call out to one another. The bright beautiful warming sun through out the day the big blue endless sky. The sound of bees as they buzz by you . The sound of the wind as it blows the trees gently . The tickle cross your face as the wind touches it. Then the night , the silence of it . Maybe a distant sound of an animal rustling through the woods as the leaves and branches crunch and snap under their paws. The stars diamond the sky . All such a wonder . But then there’s the days where the sky opens up and the rain pours down . The sky is filled with endless clouds . The warmth is replaced by cold that burns the skin . The wind blows like a tantrum . The stars do not shine. The world is dark. Yes life as it’s bright it is dark. As human beings we discover both the bright days and the dark . At times and we may feel the dark days more then the bright. No laughter but tears . We may hear the endless negative thought echoing in our heads. We may feel weak . At a loss a dark cloud hanging over us and we may not know why . The feeling we experience may be of such dispare that we cannot find our way back to the light. Instead we fall more deeper into the darkness and pulling ourself up is to tiring to sad we think maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to leave all this behind . To let go. Maybe feel free from all the pain that surrounds your body and mind. It seems like a easy pass out of this world . Why not..

Let’s see you are a beautiful human being someone’s child , daughter , son , sister, brother , mother , father, aunt , uncle …. you! A beautiful person brought into this world to live , embrace life’s mystery. To laugh. love be loved . Someone’s hero , someone’s happiness, someone’s light. Someone who brings more happiness into this world by just being you , yes flaws and all. No ones perfect. No one expects you to be . And if they do then there not for you. We all have our own journey in this world . No one said it would be easy we can’t see rainbows all the time . Life comes with many ups and downs. But it’s so worth it . It’s worth fighting for. It’s worth pushing through . If you feel this way please seek help . Find someone to talk to . Tell them how you feel let them listen . Let them know. No shame in feeling this way . Life can push us to far at times but there is always someone who is willing to listen to help . Let them. Because you are so worth it . You are special not only because you are you but also because you are special to someone also who wants to see that smile hear that laugh to feel that love you still have so much to give. ❤️

This is for the ones that I know that have lost their life to suicide or have thought about it, and who suffer from depression…😞

Heart …

The heart is a powerful force of emotions. It does not know what is right or wrong . Even though the saying goes follow your heart. And yes we do follow it so what is right what is wrong. All we have is the intense feeling of this feeling that keeps us up at night . Or the feeling like no other the one that makes you feel alive you want to cry. Oh the heart the power of it . Do we dare to follow , do we dare not to…

Late night movies..

  1. Saturday night my daughter and I settled on the couch and enjoyed the movie The Notebook . We have seen it “hundred times ” but it just never gets old. Yes we laughed and we cried but that’s what happen with good movies. 2 hours went by quickly and it was midnight when we looked up from the TV . My daughter sighed as she yawned . Tiredly telling me how she enjoyed watching it once again. Moments later she headed down to her place and I stayed there cozy wrapped in my blanket in the darkness … yes thinking , thinking about the movie the meaning of it . Yes like I stated seen it ” a hundred times but I’m always amazed how every time I watch it I find something new that jumps out at me . And it sets more meaning to me . As I sat there pondering . I decided I wanted to watch it again .. crazy? (Hahaha ) no I just wasn’t tired and ready to move from my cozy spot. And I thought it would be nice to just watch alone . This movie has so many emotions in it . And yes I feel everyone one of them to my core . I cozied more into my blanket and before I knew it it was over . And my eyes were moist from the tears that once again built up in them. It’s kind of a silly thing when watching a movie that can make you so sad also makes you feel good. And you would shed those tears a”100 times over” to feel those emotions again.

Thinkers… writing

What is it about thinkers ? Our minds are either calm or racing with thoughts so deep you feel them through your body right into your soul. The thoughts run endlessly through our minds . Words spoken from someone whether there meant to to teach us a lesson or just said we can take them to the extreme and feel it in so many ways . We can replay them over and over in our minds trying to explain to ourselves what it means. Breaking the words into tiny little pieces and then like a puzzle putting them back together again to understand. Oh the mind of a thinker is so exhausting. When someone hurts we think about it and tend to feel hurt with them . Along with thinkers I believe we tend to feel more emotions then others and at times it’s draining . Sadly I love very deeply and once I love there is no end to it. so these qualities are hard to handle at times ..Sometimes it feels like so much weight on your shoulders but honestly it’s in your head. This weight we carry. I try and I try but my thoughts are endless as the ocean and no stopping the endless waves that come crashing in.

Signs…

It’s close to noon on a beautiful Bright Sunday . I’m am just sitting enjoying my first cup of coffee. Yes a bit late , lazy morning. For all of you who read my post ,if you haven’t read it this will not make sense . Yesterday as I posted started at 6 in the morning .. (early for me ). And a good start I was sore but I was full of positivity . I was going to do what I needed .. could do . I did but as the day went on and people came and went and I became a bit more sore . The pity party struck me. I wanted to go places be active my energy level was so high but my body said no . I may have pushed it a bit more then I was told . Sadly I’m not one to be told what to do . And I dislike to be held back . I’m a fighter . I do . Hmm I wonder where my kids get this attitude. So yes as the day progressed . Pity turned into anger. Once again I so do not like to get angry because I do not often take it out on people but on myself . But you can still feel the vibe if your in my presence .

In a blink of an eye the signs came to light first it started with my daughter sending me a text on her work break. She rarely drinks Coca Cola and she grabbed a bottle without looking at it she went to sit and drink it . On the bottles some have random names on them . She texted me a pick of the bottle she wrote under I just noticed this mom look at the name . In huge letters was Francis . I was in awe I couldn’t believe it but a smile came over my face . It was my Dad’s name rare name especially on a soda bottle and when I was at a low point and my daughter having some bad days herself there he was showing us he was near . When he was sick he said he would always be there . My daughter was the last grandchild he saw born . She was 6 months when he passed . He loved her so much and told her one day as he was holding her ” this will be your world enjoy it be strong” sorry tears but happy ones are forming in my eyes. He told me to ” let him go to say goodbye before he got worse “he didn’t want me to watch him die. He said” enjoy your beautiful little girl focus on her love her be happy” so I did what he asked. It’s been unbelievably 24 yrs and I know he still sends me signs especially when I am down . He was showing us he was still with us. Some can be skeptical but I believe that was not random the name on the bottle.

Second sign but this happen to a my friend of mine . she was telling me about it yesterday as well . A ring she loved and wore constantly she lost months ago she’s a nurse so she thought it came off in one of the gloves she has to wear she looked every where as well for it no luck. She was cleaning her bedroom and she said she looked down on her dresser where she had a little basket that held her favorite rings . And there did she notice sitting on top of the others was the ring . She said she was so dumbfounded said she looked through it many times even grabbed other ring from it and it was not there . She asked all her family members if they found it and put it there . They told her they never saw or new it was missing so no. I said to her ” you do know what month it is”? She was silent for a moment I asked if she was still there? She said ” oh my Kim do you think” I told her yes . Her only and younger sister passed away 3 yrs ago of this month next week it will actually be 3 yrs . I am such a believer in all of this . I feel this so deeply. So I do believe she had a part in this . Okay last sign and yes a long post this is. My son came home while I was up watching a movie at midnight he was with friends all day . He told me how one of his friends had a bad day . Bad day is not the word I would use. He showed me a photo it was a car his mother handed down to him when she bought a new one , he only had it 3months … coming home from college for the long weekend with his girlfriend they were hit by a guy who was weaving in and out of the passing lanes and speeding on the highway.He hit him my sons friends car flipped twice and the suv not car was completely gone the photo showed pieces of the car all over the road . Him and his girlfriend walked away from it without a scratch . Yes a bit shaken up but good . People showing at the scene couldn’t believe it , this could , should had killed or at least hurt them . But nothing and thankful for that . Not their time. I do believe So after my son went to bed I sat there in the dark and silence andI told myself to stop feeling sorry for myself that there is so much worse things in life and this is just a little set back and that life is a gift , and we need to honor this gift whether it’s a love one guiding us that has moved on from this world or an experience of an accident we need to get up be thankful smile , be happy and stay strong . Life is not easy by any means but it’s so worth it.think about that as you go along with your day.🙂