Day out with my daughter and her boyfriend. We decided to grab dinner at Panera Bread and of course I who was in need of a coffee drink. Tried one of their lattes. A vanilla hot latte with almond milk. oh my was it delicious. Expensive but worth it. Yes, I’m a coffee junkie. Have to enjoy something in this life😊 my poison. I will definitely get another one when we go there.
After we did some shopping. I pretty much just looked around. Now home and the night is a wet one pouring rain. Just relaxing with some country music and catching up on posts. Trying to at least.😊
I know I just wrote a post, but I’m laying here cozy in my blanket the only lights lightening up the room is from our Christmas tree . My son did an excellent job picking it out and cutting it down. He works on a tree farm around this time on the weekends. And the only sound throughout the house is the country music playing on the TV classic station. This is one of my favorite time of the day when I can have moments to myself and think, reflect, sometimes it’s not good but for the most part it is. As I’m laying here going through posts a song came on bringing me back in time. My Father played this one song many times when there was such a thing as records and record players. When the song came on, it stopped me for a moment from reading so I could close my eyes and let the memories flow through my mind — such a cozy warm, loving feeling. Of home as a child and the feeling of. Security came over me. Life seem so endless. And free, not a care in the world. As the song played, I could see my childhood house and the sweet scent of my mom’s chocolate cake baking. She made the best cake and homemade buttercream frosting. It’s been many yrs since they passed, but I feel I miss them more than ever, especially in this past year. I really could use my mom’s late night talks and my dad’s joking that always had me laughing so much and yes his caring words. How I asked for so much advice from him always worried I asked too much but I guess not he always found the time for me. Lately I have seen cardinals more then ever I believe it’s him letting me know he is here . I hope so. I hope he can hear me. As I write this, I am surprised by the tears that are forming in my eyes. Sad, I am a 50 yr old woman and still could use my dad’s advice right now. Or even just a wink from him followed by everything will be fine. What he would say when I felt the world heavy on my shoulders. Life really can hurt sometimes. I do not have it bad. Just so many things have changed in the last several yrs, especially this past yr. And so many realizations I wish I had help sorting out with. Time may lesson grief, but it will never rid you of it. It only makes one song, one memory to bring that loss of them back. Just as I was trying to keep my posts up beat here, I go again. ..
Stayed up late watching Mandalorian, I believe I’m spelling it right. It’s part of Star Wars. I love baby Yoda. He is the cutest little thing. His eye expressions get me every time. Yes, I said eye expressions. I’m on the 6th episode in season 1. After falling asleep halfway through the 6th episode, I decided to get some sleep. Knowing there was snow coming in, I wasn’t too worried about rest. I figured it would be a day spent inside. I woke late and just laid there. I am enjoying the quiet morning then deciding it was time for a shower and my coffee. The thought of coffee motivated me to do so. My poison. I enjoyed both my kid’s company. Such opposite they are, it always amazes me of how our conversations will go.
My daughter an introvert, and my son an extrovert, and I in between. I honestly believe I am a bit of both. I think that is possible. Now it’s evening, and thankfully the snow has stopped, and I am cozied up in my blanket on the couch, thinking I may find something to watch on my Chromebook. A hot cup of hot chocolate sounds delicious and comforting right now. I wonder if this is why I like coffee so much the warm cup in my hands. I guess that isn’t a bad thing. I use to smoke cigarettes to give my hands something to do when I talk. I talk with my hands, so I think coffee is much better than cigarettes. And I do like the taste and aroma of coffee. Tonight I will add some marshmallows in the hot chocolate instead of coffee. It sounds a bit strange, but it’s delicious. My daughter showed this to me. Not tonight though marshmallows win . okay time to start the kettle 😊 I took some photos of the snow I hope you enjoy them .
The holidays are arriving soon faster than we can wrap our thoughts around them. As each year of holidays come there, a bit different. Something has always changed. Whether it’s the kids, have grown, and now are spending them elsewhere. Or we have a loved one who has passed, and their missing presence is always there in your thoughts, then there is possibly a separation in a relationship, and the family dynamic is changed. Whatever it may be. It’s a hardship that pulls on the heartstrings for some of these things there brought more frontward into our thoughts and is felt much more deeply. And yes, it hurts so much. The thing is Holidays. They are going to come every year whether we enjoy them or not. And we have to need to find new traditions if you want to call it that. I prefer a new way of finding a way to get through them and to enjoy them. To accept what is and make new memories doesn’t mean you have to forget the other memories. You won’t. They’re locked away in your heart forever. Life has a way of pushing us to keep moving forward. To live with this thing called a new normal. It’s our way of coping excepting, especially if we have loved ones we need to be happy for. To help them as well to get through. I know for myself. A lot has changed over the years, and it will never be like it used to, and holidays do not have the same feeling. But they do have a new meaning to me. And it’s just that it’s one day and I feel that how we treat this day and the people that will be with us we should treat no different than any other day. We should love respect, them as always. Yes, we all have bad days, and words get spoken that is not very nice at times, but we are human, and it’s a part of life. So what I ask whoever is having a hard time with the holidays coming. Try not to be so hard on yourself. Let the day come embrace it. Except it for what it is. Just keep moving forward.
Life is amazing, beautiful. A gift. Yes we know this we have heard this many times over. Just look around look at the beautiful flowers that grow wild in a field of green . The sound of the birds as they call out to one another. The bright beautiful warming sun through out the day the big blue endless sky. The sound of bees as they buzz by you . The sound of the wind as it blows the trees gently . The tickle cross your face as the wind touches it. Then the night , the silence of it . Maybe a distant sound of an animal rustling through the woods as the leaves and branches crunch and snap under their paws. The stars diamond the sky . All such a wonder . But then there’s the days where the sky opens up and the rain pours down . The sky is filled with endless clouds . The warmth is replaced by cold that burns the skin . The wind blows like a tantrum . The stars do not shine. The world is dark. Yes life as it’s bright it is dark. As human beings we discover both the bright days and the dark . At times and we may feel the dark days more then the bright. No laughter but tears . We may hear the endless negative thought echoing in our heads. We may feel weak . At a loss a dark cloud hanging over us and we may not know why . The feeling we experience may be of such dispare that we cannot find our way back to the light. Instead we fall more deeper into the darkness and pulling ourself up is to tiring to sad we think maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to leave all this behind . To let go. Maybe feel free from all the pain that surrounds your body and mind. It seems like a easy pass out of this world . Why not..
Let’s see you are a beautiful human being someone’s child , daughter , son , sister, brother , mother , father, aunt , uncle …. you! A beautiful person brought into this world to live , embrace life’s mystery. To laugh. love be loved . Someone’s hero , someone’s happiness, someone’s light. Someone who brings more happiness into this world by just being you , yes flaws and all. No ones perfect. No one expects you to be . And if they do then there not for you. We all have our own journey in this world . No one said it would be easy we can’t see rainbows all the time . Life comes with many ups and downs. But it’s so worth it . It’s worth fighting for. It’s worth pushing through . If you feel this way please seek help . Find someone to talk to . Tell them how you feel let them listen . Let them know. No shame in feeling this way . Life can push us to far at times but there is always someone who is willing to listen to help . Let them. Because you are so worth it . You are special not only because you are you but also because you are special to someone also who wants to see that smile hear that laugh to feel that love you still have so much to give. ❤️
This is for the ones that I know that have lost their life to suicide or have thought about it, and who suffer from depression…😞
The heart is a powerful force of emotions. It does not know what is right or wrong . Even though the saying goes follow your heart. And yes we do follow it so what is right what is wrong. All we have is the intense feeling of this feeling that keeps us up at night . Or the feeling like no other the one that makes you feel alive you want to cry. Oh the heart the power of it . Do we dare to follow , do we dare not to…