Oh how the wheels turn..

Life has been such a strange twists and turns of emotions since the beginning of summer. Leading my thoughts in every direction. and I just want to get off this rollercoaster at times. On Sunday my thoughts where quiet . I relaxed and settled in on my couch with my chrome book and the beautiful warm sun shining in on me warming me as I caught up well started to catch up on all your wonderful posts. The house was quiet my son once again headed back to his college dorm. And when he left the liveliness of the house left with him. The house feels sadly like a quiet hollow shell. It’s not that I haven’t adjusted to him now living in his dorm . SurprisinglyI have better then I ever thought I would. It’s just hard when he comes home on weekends and he comes in like a hurricane and leaves like one. (hahaha) yes it’s a country song but it’s the only way I can describe it. I think why my thoughts are in every direction is since both my kids are young adults now I am not in the Mother mode well always a mom but it’s on a whole new level . We can only guide and be there for them . It’s their time to find their own path and yes they will make mistakes but they will learn. I believe I’m finding my new path on this next chapter. I’m finding ME again . The person I was before kids ,is slowly floating up to the surface and of what and who I have been for so long is breaking off in bits and pieces . And I’m remembering the the person who was so social never went a day without laughter in it. A smile constantly on my face. That was replace with a serious detail to the limit non social person because I focused so much on the responsibilities of being a mother. Yes I did smile and laugh but it was different . I’m now left with no routine no place to have to be only if I want to be. I have reconnected with friends. And the best part I’m taking care of ME . Eating healthier and feeling good doing it. With a chronic illness it’s important . Yes at times it’s hard but I know I won’t stop . Just need to keep moving forward so with that said yes this has been my focus and not everyone is on board with me at times… okay that part is for another day but I cannot will not be discouraged . It’s just keeping it going and seeing that part of me I thought I lost so many years ago .Yes we age . We do change but we are still who we are and that is okay. So bear with me sometimes my posts will seem all over the place like my scattered thoughts but it’s all good..

Late night…

  1. It’s Friday night and a late one at that.. well for writing it is . It’s 11:00 and yes a bit late but I’m up until 2 anyway . Just when my mind decides to settle. Hubby is snoring away as I write this in the dark (haha) air conditioner is on so I decided to settle in the bedroom . Another warm night, hopefully we will get a break soon. My daughter is at a concert a couple hours away I’m sure she will not be waking in the door for awhile. My son is sleeping well hopefully he was having a hard time with that knowing he needs to be up at 4 for National guard weekend so he will be gone for the weekend. As I lay hear in the darkness wishing the windows were open so I could hear the sound of the train a distance away it’s whistle echoing through the night. It’s such an eerie but comforting sound.

This summer has been so different one it’s almost over already into August . My daughter turning 24 this month my son heading off to college and telling me I’m going to miss him … hmm ..I know I will but I’ll be okay he will not be that far away and only a phone call or text away I think it’s more like he will miss me and home. The freedom of being home. Since turning 50 I feel so different .. I feel different. About life.. my kids are adults now and I feel a since of new freedom to get back to taking care of me . To be me . Yes I was always was me but motherhood changes you ,you think a lot more about your kids then yourself …. well I did , and now my time is my time, and honestly I was dreading it . But now I’m embracing it I’m doing what I enjoy . I’m spending a bit more time on me . And realizing it’s not a bad thing .. oh I think we are our own worse enemy ..

So I started this late Friday night and fell asleep so I am posting this nowūüôĄ

Can you say Nightmares..

Tonight my daughter wanted to catchup on the last 3 or so episodes I stopped counting.. of American horror stories in the living room while making cookies . The new seasoned started tonight . So she is watching that now down in her place. For the most part my eyes where closed .. I couldn’t do it (hahaha) I do not mind horror stories but this goes just a bit further to insanity in my opinion .. it’s gross . She would tell me when to open my eyes ūüôĄ then when my eyes were open I was strolling through Instagram , Twitter, word press . So yes partly watching it as well. My son who is having a hard time sleeping lately , I believe thinking .. sleeping pattern is off , nerves , has decided to try an all nighter to get tired so he can get some earlier sleep patterns tomorrow. Hopefully this works. I told him if you hear me yelling or screaming in my sleep tonight it’s only me having nightmares (hahaha) he shook his head in agreement because he saw how I was watching it and shook his head.. Oh what I do for my kids. Well time to get some sleep wish me luck .

Photo Monday..

 

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Good Morning It’s Monday! Over the weekend I bought my self a gift okay it’s a lot smaller then the picture shows,, it’s the cutest¬† little plant holder and the its a coffee plant growing inside it. I was bringing my daughter a coffee at work for her of course coffee hahaha and I spotted this where she works in the floral department and she told¬† me¬† they just¬† got them in and they where¬† selling fast . I just couldn’t resist she thought it was pricey but it was so cute and so simple I wanted it. you know how I said I love simple. I brought it home and my husband and son just smirked and said well that is so you …and I need to add my daughter too¬† has a coffee¬† fetish .,

Thoughts..

The wind nips at my face as my hair blows around my face blocking my eyes and sending me stumbling to the ground . The earth below me feels hard and cold like your heart. I curse but not because of you but because of me …why I yell how could I be so blind. How could I not see who you where who I was or became ¬†so weak…I lay there and the ¬†fog surrounds me I try to move but I can’t I can only lay there as the fog gets thicker. My eyes close …I’m awaken by the bright morning ¬†Sun.. I blink and I notice I’m in my room I was dreaming and you are gone and I smile I am not weak I am strong.

 

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ME!!!

I am a happy  nice  and given  person but hurt me or my family you will feel my wrath .

I am strong  , stubborn person but can have my moments of weakness in most cases you will not see unless I let you. .. do not underestimate me I can put up a good fight for what I believe in.

I am religious I believe..¬† I pray but I it’s¬† private and personal for me.

I love to socialize I a can talk to anyone and everyone but my circle is small ..In the past I’ve let in to many and learned so small fits me well.

I live for today and blessed for every new day. I have loved many and lost many too.

I love deeply and hurt easily.

I am simple and live simple I do not ask for much . Drama is not in my vocab.

I only ask or want for happiness and good health for myself and family.

I am ME .

 

 

 

 

About Me…..

Hello, as you see in my bio I am stay at home mom of two . I am quiet until you get to know me then you can’t keep me quiet. I love to have long conversations with a nice big cup of coffee in hand. I love being with my family especially on lazy summer nights sitting on our deck looking at the stars. I’m simple it doesn’t take much to make me happy. I take life as it comes one day at a time my motto. I hope you enjoy what I share. I am really excited about sharing my thoughts with you.