Memories..

I know I just wrote a post, but I’m laying here cozy in my blanket the only lights lightening up the room is from our Christmas tree . My son did an excellent job picking it out and cutting it down. He works on a tree farm around this time on the weekends. And the only sound throughout the house is the country music playing on the TV classic station. This is one of my favorite time of the day when I can have moments to myself and think, reflect, sometimes it’s not good but for the most part it is. As I’m laying here going through posts a song came on bringing me back in time. My Father played this one song many times when there was such a thing as records and record players. When the song came on, it stopped me for a moment from reading so I could close my eyes and let the memories flow through my mind — such a cozy warm, loving feeling. Of home as a child and the feeling of. Security came over me. Life seem so endless. And free, not a care in the world. As the song played, I could see my childhood house and the sweet scent of my mom’s chocolate cake baking. She made the best cake and homemade buttercream frosting. It’s been many yrs since they passed, but I feel I miss them more than ever, especially in this past year. I really could use my mom’s late night talks and my dad’s joking that always had me laughing so much and yes his caring words. How I asked for so much advice from him always worried I asked too much but I guess not he always found the time for me. Lately I have seen cardinals more then ever I believe it’s him letting me know he is here . I hope so. I hope he can hear me. As I write this, I am surprised by the tears that are forming in my eyes. Sad, I am a 50 yr old woman and still could use my dad’s advice right now. Or even just a wink from him followed by everything will be fine. What he would say when I felt the world heavy on my shoulders. Life really can hurt sometimes. I do not have it bad. Just so many things have changed in the last several yrs, especially this past yr. And so many realizations I wish I had help sorting out with. Time may lesson grief, but it will never rid you of it. It only makes one song, one memory to bring that loss of them back. Just as I was trying to keep my posts up beat here, I go again. ..

Reading and more reading…

Good Morning it’s Monday already , every other day seems to be the weather pattern with rain and sun . So yes it’s going to be another day of rain. Last night I read my book until I couldn’t keep my eyes open and my mind cleared with all the negative thoughts . Never getting the phone call I had so we all had so hoped to get from my son. I do not understand why I believe it’s been 3 weeks .. plus more . I miss him so much but it’s more just letting him know how much I believe in him and how proud I am of him since he isn’t receiving my letters.. it’s sad when your daughter writes and has to explain this and I relay that message through her letters how I feel . I am now almost done with my book . I’m sure I’ll finish it today. Trying to stay low until I can get a flu shot with so many sick . I’ll just run to the post office and then do things around here. Christmas shopping is basically online and gift cards . My kids are easy enough now that their older. I believe honestly it shouldn’t be so much about things but more about the people in our lives . Okay time to start my day…

Missing…..😥

Today it’s been a year since our Pups left us to go play over the rainbow bridge😥 I miss this little boy everyday , he was always by my side, he followed me throughout the house as I cleaned. laid by my side on the couch while watching TV , reading ,coloring or just snuggling next to me on a quiet cold winter day . He was my protector when my hubby and the kids where out and my sleeping buddy when my hubby worked nights I miss those big brown eyes that would greet me at the front door every time I arrived home . I will forever hold him in my heart ❤️

Thoughts….

I wake up to a sunny but cold day. My thoughts feel all over the place is it the full moon? I just want to feel  like Myself again.. but I feel like that person is is gone when you went away and I found who was by my side to help me through sad when you find how low  the number is of people you thought you had . Bitter sad anger all comes to mind but then am I to blame for this for believing I could trust any of you. . so I’m going to guard my heart do what I need to do for me and yes I am going to be selfish isn’t that what all of you are?

What a week…..

What a week  it started off well ..then by Wednesday it all went down hill . My husband fell at work he works on a construction site. Thank God it wasn’t too bad bad enough luckily no broken bones ..and luck he didn’t crack his skull…He  fell off a ladder back words  and went down on his head he has been home the rest of the week and is still recovering from a minor concussion and whiplash so he has to rest which is hard for him he is wired to  always keeping himself busy, so it has not been easy keeping him down until he starts to feel the pain . So I have been busy bringing and picking my son up from practice and giving him rides to friends houses unless his friends grab him. Then keeping up meals and the house. Then On Thursday the world lost a music  icon, Prince….that shocked the world . Gone to young . My teenage years were filled with many days of my bedroom walls shaking from the sound of his music and my bedroom walls covered with posters of Prince. So sad .. another era gone .. I believe the news has done well covering his loss a lot of beautiful tributes they have been showing.  He will be missed. So now the weekend is here and it will be a low key one my husband still needing to take it easy my Son home and catching up from sleepovers remember being 16 and and staying up half the night with your friends …playing music eating just good clean fun. awww  the good old days nothing like them. so next week back to school and no more vacations till the end of the year,  June … thank god early June since we only had two snow days to make up. Then more fires s’mores cookouts star gazing and hopefully out door drive-ins nothing like watching a movie outside and the scent  of popcorn and french fries in the night air so yummy…can’t wait .