The sky is a light pretty blue and the sun is shining at the moment . The birds are all around as the bubble bee that keeps buzzing around my head . I take in the strong brewed taste of the coffee just how my husband likes to make it. Sipping it as I reflect on the day before… on the conversation with my son in the late night hours , and wondering why I had felt the unease feeling . It lingered with me all through out the day .I passed it off as over thinking that I am so good at. Then my kids came home from work one after another. My daughter first happy a bit talkative as she was getting ready to settle down in her place with a friend and Miss Abigail . Then my son arrived home hours later, tired but talkative my husband staying up listening to him chat away until his eyes became to heavy to stay open and said his goodnights. Then there it was just my son and I and his tone got quieter and more serious and then I knew what that uneasiness that lingered around me all day was.
My son talked about college in the Fall , how he was excited but was thinking oh .. no I thought thinking he is as good at that as I . I just sat quietly listening knowing what was coming next. He stated he wanted to go but dorming was going to feel strange . He felt too old that all the child’s play of being a college student living in a dorm was going to feel off . He felt that he should of gone to college first then Army . Or just had gone to college and not dormed. I had this feeling as well . Since his arrival home from Basic he has become so matured ..done things that others not in the Army have experienced and it’s quieted him , humbled him. I see him as this man now not the loud child’s play 18 yr old he was before Basic. That is what he is worried about . He said he feels so much older laid back that he’s going to feel out of place. Oh I knew this all before he did this step but the one thing that hasn’t changed and I know never will is his impulsiveness . That is the trait that bites him every time. So I listened I talked to him about other alternatives …But it led back to what was more convenient , yes he will only be a little over 45minutes away but back and forth the gas and mileage on the vehicle would get too much . Days of snow another issue . We talked about trying to bunch his classes to so many days a week but the major is impossible to do that. It came down to going to this orientation in two weeks and see how it feels ..meet his roommate and go from there. I only hope he doesn’t make another impulsive u turn but if he does it’s his choice and I can only guide him and be there for him to talk. It was after mid night so we called it a night . I laid in bed and felt that uneasiness lift a bit. It still amazes me how I can be so in-tune to my kids feelings , thoughts. I have manage to grab another cup of coffee as I wrote this and my son came out on the deck and sat with his coffee and phone in hand and us not saying much but that was okay we were in our own mind set and taking in the morning surroundings, we said what we needed last night . 🙂