Oh the life of a mother ..

The weekend was beautiful despite the rain. This week though even with the sun finally showing itself I just feel this dread or something .. I cannot place this feeling it’s nothing to do with a lack of energy ..oh that I have a lot of .I do know I put myself back in that mom take care mode .. okay you are probably thinking what is so wrong with that ? Well a lot is wrong with that. I’m back in my mode and I promised myself when my son came home after Basic and being away for 6 months I would get on my own routine . And when my son got on that plane that first day . I was good had to be this is what he wanted ..my hubby and I hugged him and let him go and then hubby and I headed home with a coffee stop . And a phone call from him asking if we were home since he had a 2hour wait till his flight I knew he was missing us already being his first time away all to be expected. When we arrived home I cleaned up the house . Room by room not my sons he had cleaned his before he had left. So I just paused at his bedroom door . Then made myself move along. Supper came and my daughter at work then boyfriends … hubby and I ate just it just being the two of us . Well over the 6 months with a 10 day Holiday pass for Christmas he was home . It felt great but so strange I was in a whole new routine . And so him and I clashed a bit … sadly . I was told this was normal. Then the time came and he had to go back. By March I was ready to have him home. And this time it was better we were at an adult son and his mother relationship We talked on a new level . My time ..my routine was still there and he had his routine. Then here we are in May and I’m finding myself out of my routine .. well more then I want to be . I’m worrying if he’s ate what he’s doing . He has been very good about it when before he did not like it. All the mothering believe me I can get over bearing🙄Yes he has had his moments and has told me in a nice way to stop but then sadly apologizes when honestly I do not want him to. I know this summer is going to be a long one. Right now he is working two jobs and he is gone a lot . So I’m trying to get back into the routine of just my hubby and I . In the Fall along with National Guard drills and going away to college it will be my hubby and I and my daughter again when she is here. and I think it will be hard to let go of him this time. He will not be far away it’s for a matter of convenience for him to dorm with our bad winters . And now with all the things happening in this world and him In the Army National Guards has added this worry more then when he signed up . And I can’t say much about this but I do not know if I’m coming off a vibe he is giving out since I’m so good at both my kids vibes of something there worrying about or doing tends to bounce off of them on to me . Always been this way. So could this be it? I’m feeling his worry. Yes he knows what he as signed up for but being 18 there is concern I’m sure with him. He is such a thinker like me . And his humbleness is been a bit more apparent. Which makes me feel anxious…Even though I feel this way I would never change it for the world . Being a mother is just so hard sometimes because the love you feel and there is nothing you will not want to do for your kids . This Fb quiz actually says it. well except for the cowering in your presence well unless you hurt my kids🙂

I made a book list and ordered a book that is on its way that I’m very excited about and I’m looking forward to it . Which it’s been a bit since I was excited about a book since not been able to find a good one and I’m going to keep ordering hoping for more good book to occupy my mind at night , especially when I’m thinking or when he is out late both my kids with that. So my mind doesn’t wander. When I get my book I’ll post it . For now yes finishing the Road. Yes it’s dragging .. but according to my daughter she is shocked that I’m in the last two chapters of it, being that it’s not usually something I would read or even think of finishing. 🙂 well it’s getting late need to try to get some sleep so off I am to bed. Hoping to hear that train and its whistle in a distance I’m so comforted to while saying my nightly prayers falling asleep .

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Just plain silly ness!

The night started off with reading my book . But then my phone kept going off …. I know I should of turned it off . Sadly these days it’s on a lot especially at night when my son is out , because sometimes he will text if he is staying over at a friend house.Tonight a notification popped up and then before I knew it I was going through my photos on my phone . I came upon one that I must say is of my daughter and I playing around with her Snapchat filter . If she only knew I was posting it on here ..Shhh …we won’t tell (hahaha) …. but I love it because it just shows how our relationship is just plain silly and fun at times compared to my son who would never ever be silly with me . I’m his mom and that’s that 🙄 so here is my daughter and I I’m the one in the back well yeah you will be able to tell I look older (hahaha) we are Doe”s how fitting since I have been posting pics of them in our yard this week. (Hahaha)

Normalcy…..

Finally back on here..after a week of  total chaos and hopefully now some normalcy . In the past 5months I have felt this sense of peacefulness contentment. I finally threw  caution to the wind and said I need to let go of trying to be a perfect mother and let them grow  with guidence ..my Son is independent loves being with his friends playing his sport and he knows his priorities and when he sways from that path I pull him in and my Daughter she is an adult and her and I are in a good place   she has here friends making new ones and her work . My husband and I are learning to be just us again before kids and I think I am handling it better then him. he is so use to us all constantly together or around lets say he hates change so the kids doing their own  thing and I more into things I enjoy doing again is throwing him …I thought it would be harder for me but I am more open minded and I do not have parents telling me like he has how things should be …ughh and after my last blog if you read he got hurt at work thank  god he is fine and doing a lot better and back to work . His parents thinking I am not doing enough getting back in our business my aurora of my peacefulness has vanished and been place with self doubt angry and I thought I got past this years ago. So now I am trying to get back to this peacefulness and contentment and not listening to them ….not very easy . It’s hard when people judge you just because you do not follow their ways or agree. I am thankful for this week being back to normal my daughter and I went out to a nice relaxing lunch at our favorite place, Panera Bread the best . and then we enjoyed a s’mores frappuccino from Starbucks  so delicious we figured we had a light lunch we would enjoy this.  Then we headed to my son ‘s school to watch his meet such a nice ending to the day. oh and yes they won!  my  son came in 2nd place in the hurdles and 2nd in 2nd race. So proud of him.

About Me…..

Hello, as you see in my bio I am stay at home mom of two . I am quiet until you get to know me then you can’t keep me quiet. I love to have long conversations with a nice big cup of coffee in hand. I love being with my family especially on lazy summer nights sitting on our deck looking at the stars. I’m simple it doesn’t take much to make me happy. I take life as it comes one day at a time my motto. I hope you enjoy what I share. I am really excited about sharing my thoughts with you.