Anxiety…

Hmmm.. being a mom is such an amazing most beautiful feeling .That first moment whether it’s your 1st 2nd etc amount of children you have that special moment holding them in your arms and them looking up at you is like no other feeling you will ever know and you want to hold on to them and never ever let them go . You will protect them with all your might. There is nothing you wouldn’t do to keep them from hurting or succeeding in life…..but then the teenage yrs come and they turn into a person you know is your child but this attitude this whole new person standing in front of you is not that little girl or boy you held in your arms not that long ago okay well yes very long ago. Many moons ago but to a mom the time is irrelevant You know that little child is in that grown body some where now telling you their fine they got this let me be . Oh but those are words you thought you would never hear or would of taken a little bit longer to get here then it did. Why does time have to fly by so fast .

My mind keeps counting how many months to graduation and my anxiety grows.. every college application every moment waiting for that email or letter in the mail and seeing if they get in or the disappointment on their face when one college has gotten back to them and it’s a not at this time . So you watch them wait for the next . Oh and as the wait goes on you think how one step closer they will be-to starting this journey of life . As a parent a mom that journey also consists of change for us as well … figuring out what we do now when all you really have done has been a stay at home mom ,one because it worked and two because of my disability . ..But still what to do ? So my anxiety is up and flaring and I’m trying to change some things now so it won’t be so hard when he is off. Oh believe me he’s helping this hahaha my son and daughter are not home much my daughter the oldest is here more she has a place downstairs and a steady job and saving up and paying her car off so she is comfortable at the moment with her kitty living here with her . My son the youngest is ready to run . They are so opposite and it’s coming to light so much more now that their older … anyways my son is helping this change he’s usually at practice the gym with friends ,working or hiding out in his room that part is nice 🙂 I must say I’m happy I have this blog it keeps me busy and something to look forward too plus I love my adult coloring and I’m reading more once again . Soon I can spend some time out with my friends and not worry about all the ice and snow . The days are getting longer. As I hope my spouts of anxiety get shorter 🙂

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More snow coming😥

More snow coming their predicting 6to 9 inches plus a mix of freezing rain . Schools are already cancelled for tomorrow , my son is at a friends house in town so he is closer to school because he still has track practice ,I know it’s Championships Friday but really they know what they need to do , he needs a break. My daughter will or I should say may be home because work will be slow so she is going in on Friday which would of been her day off. The photo I posted was this evenings sky it defiantly looks like a storm is coming ,I thought it was pretty so I captured it before it got dark. I love the evening skies . ..any chance I can get a photo I do . Well it’s getting late I guess I will settle and try to get some sleep early for a change . My daughter is down in her place with Miss Abigail for the night hubby’s sleeping away . So I will say my prayers and whisper a good night to my son hope he feels the vibe hahaha I could text him but you never know how he will feel about that if his mom is texting to say good night with his friends around😂 teenagers❤️

Just that kind of day…

A mild whatever kind of Saturday.. my hubby and his friend stayed busy finishing up the last details on our new barn. My daughter and son spent the day working and it was just Miss Abigail and I walking around the house doing a few things that needed but really didn’t need to be done was just keeping busy since there was no place to be . My hubby and I are now just finishing our take out and my son off to a basketball game with his friends my daughter still working . Nights like this are so expected now I listen to how my sister in-law and her family are all settled in at home watching movies together..I can’t remember the last time my family watched a movie together . Life goes by fast just the way it is . Do I like it … no but not much we can do bad enough that I can’t sleep very well when their out at night especially my 17yr old being a teenager …and he is not good at. Checking in he is getting better though .Any how is been a non productive day ..need those kind of days once in awhile.

Melting…

it’s been raining for two days now and , the snow is melting away with no snowstorms in the forecast well what they say right at the moment. It’s just ugly looking out hahaha yes I know so blunt but it is the snow less ground is so muddy and the snow that there is is all muddy and gross looking. It’s bittersweet because one I’m not a fan of it but at the same time no snow means no work for my son . Working at a ski resort you need snow 😥 hopefully by the weekend it gets cold enough to make some. The squirrels are loving it though Their running all over the place. They look the way my son looked when he woke up to a two hour school delay because the rain caused some icing ,it threw him all off his routine he kept saying ok what am I doing after a little persuading he let me help him with getting him some breakfast . He is not a morning person well a talkative one so I kept the talking to a minimum 🙄 and he made it out the door on time and with everything together and food in him. Thanks mom🙂

Reading… okay trying 😂

I’ve had this books for months and I decided it was time to try reading again the book I posted earlier I couldn’t get into so I pulled this off my bookshelf and got comfy in bed with my hubby who sadly is now not feeling good , as my daughter is resting in her place downstairs still not feeling well , of course my son went out …do these kids ever stop? I tried not to quiz him he said he was meeting up with friends at a basketball game ….okay I believe the game should be over now it 9 he said it wouldn’t be late he wanted sleep after getting up at 5 to go to the gym before school, hmmm what’s early I really trying to get into this book I am into it it’s really good but my stupidity of a mind has me thinking and wanting to text him . I’m giving him 30 minutes more to walk through that door or text then I may just call him . Why I ask why . Tomorrow I may have to be firm and tell him enough nights this week , he has a meet Friday a late one then nay have work Saturday morning. Sorry everyone if I sound like a broken record . I’m just not not good with this teenage stuff. Okay wish me luck going to try reading till I decide to call him.

Monday!

it’s Monday a fresh new week to get back into a routine ,a full week of school, sports meet warmer temps no big storms insight sadly my daughter is still out of work due to illness but hoping she feels some improvement when she wakes up. Laundry is going beds are made kitchen is cleaned up after breakfast . I am now sitting down catching up on the morning news and enjoying a cup of coffee ahhh so nice. I’ve started the book I posted and started a new coloring page over the weekend which kept me busy and warm

. I am going to pat myself on the back , if you read my last post I wrote how my son was out with his girlfriend and I was NOT going to text him to have him check in. or worry and I didn’t well I didn’t text. I wouldn’t say I worried but hoped he drove slow and careful on his way home. I got into the Golden Globes with my hubby and didn’t realize my son had texted me ….it wasn’t that long until I noticed but it hopefully showed him was waiting with my phone in hand . He texted “on my way home. ” I do not know who was more surprised 🙂him for checking his phone and seeing no text from me or I seeing his text .. before I knew it he was walking in the door he talked a little bit and I tried not to do the twenty questions just how was Mary ? Did you have a good time? And after that he said goodnight and was off to bed. Now to keep this going oh am I trying….so hard when I’ve been by their side from day one through their first cut to their first everything to their first letting goesI can’t tell you what is the hardest part their first cut or letting go ….maybe letting go because it’s i that is now hurting not with them but just I because this is what I’ve known for so long .. my daughter is so different we have always been close and we are friends as well . With my son it just feels so different. I know boys let go differently then girls but this is ……different 😥 no hand book in the world could of warned me how this would feel. I’m am trying and I will keep doing this. Everyone tells me go out with friends do things with your husband I am but we are not big go to the movies we like watching them when they come out and we can cozy up at home and watch them . We have always been homebodies .. before kids we out dinking and dancing on the weekends but now that doesn’t hold an interest . We have spent nights out at relatives and enjoyed some drinks food laughs more that has been nice just need more idea s but for now it’s Home Movies going out for coffee dinner I guess we are heading in the right direction .. but it just feels different .

Trying….failed

I’m trying I really am but the mother in me and my mouth opens and once again I’ve failed…. on New Years I didn’t make a resolution but a try to do better kind of thing, I was going to try to worry less try to not be the overprotective mother and well I failed that more then once this weekend and it’s only Saturday night. Uggg … Friday he went to the gym and it was getting past the time they close I texted him ….(my son) I should know by now that when he is warming his car up he is checking his messages if I waited just a bit longer he would of been home and that would of been that . Instead I got why are you texting me it’s not late … and attitude it was. Then just now because he is actually home tonight I drilled him where all his friends where and what they where doing and he looked at me like I had three eyes🙄 he said you question when I go out and now you question when I’m home ? I know I was that roll eye pout face teenager so why can’t I learn. I need to shut my mouth 😫