Oh the life of a mother ..

The weekend was beautiful despite the rain. This week though even with the sun finally showing itself I just feel this dread or something .. I cannot place this feeling it’s nothing to do with a lack of energy ..oh that I have a lot of .I do know I put myself back in that mom take care mode .. okay you are probably thinking what is so wrong with that ? Well a lot is wrong with that. I’m back in my mode and I promised myself when my son came home after Basic and being away for 6 months I would get on my own routine . And when my son got on that plane that first day . I was good had to be this is what he wanted ..my hubby and I hugged him and let him go and then hubby and I headed home with a coffee stop . And a phone call from him asking if we were home since he had a 2hour wait till his flight I knew he was missing us already being his first time away all to be expected. When we arrived home I cleaned up the house . Room by room not my sons he had cleaned his before he had left. So I just paused at his bedroom door . Then made myself move along. Supper came and my daughter at work then boyfriends … hubby and I ate just it just being the two of us . Well over the 6 months with a 10 day Holiday pass for Christmas he was home . It felt great but so strange I was in a whole new routine . And so him and I clashed a bit … sadly . I was told this was normal. Then the time came and he had to go back. By March I was ready to have him home. And this time it was better we were at an adult son and his mother relationship We talked on a new level . My time ..my routine was still there and he had his routine. Then here we are in May and I’m finding myself out of my routine .. well more then I want to be . I’m worrying if he’s ate what he’s doing . He has been very good about it when before he did not like it. All the mothering believe me I can get over bearing๐Ÿ™„Yes he has had his moments and has told me in a nice way to stop but then sadly apologizes when honestly I do not want him to. I know this summer is going to be a long one. Right now he is working two jobs and he is gone a lot . So I’m trying to get back into the routine of just my hubby and I . In the Fall along with National Guard drills and going away to college it will be my hubby and I and my daughter again when she is here. and I think it will be hard to let go of him this time. He will not be far away it’s for a matter of convenience for him to dorm with our bad winters . And now with all the things happening in this world and him In the Army National Guards has added this worry more then when he signed up . And I can’t say much about this but I do not know if I’m coming off a vibe he is giving out since I’m so good at both my kids vibes of something there worrying about or doing tends to bounce off of them on to me . Always been this way. So could this be it? I’m feeling his worry. Yes he knows what he as signed up for but being 18 there is concern I’m sure with him. He is such a thinker like me . And his humbleness is been a bit more apparent. Which makes me feel anxious…Even though I feel this way I would never change it for the world . Being a mother is just so hard sometimes because the love you feel and there is nothing you will not want to do for your kids . This Fb quiz actually says it. well except for the cowering in your presence well unless you hurt my kids๐Ÿ™‚

I made a book list and ordered a book that is on its way that I’m very excited about and I’m looking forward to it . Which it’s been a bit since I was excited about a book since not been able to find a good one and I’m going to keep ordering hoping for more good book to occupy my mind at night , especially when I’m thinking or when he is out late both my kids with that. So my mind doesn’t wander. When I get my book I’ll post it . For now yes finishing the Road. Yes it’s dragging .. but according to my daughter she is shocked that I’m in the last two chapters of it, being that it’s not usually something I would read or even think of finishing. ๐Ÿ™‚ well it’s getting late need to try to get some sleep so off I am to bed. Hoping to hear that train and its whistle in a distance I’m so comforted to while saying my nightly prayers falling asleep .

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Thinking…

I woke and quickly realize I needed to get to the bank . My son has a job interview so he needs my car … yes at the moment we are sharing a car until he gets one . It hasn’t been too bad we been working around each other’s things I don’t really use it much but still need it . Hopefully he gets this job. If he does he will use his dads truck when I need mine by dropping my hubby off at work and I picking my hubby up in the afternoon . Right now I have appointments set up where my daughter can bring me . But today was crazy . I rushed, through a brush through my hair ,put some make up on and was off . Let’s see the poor guy messed up with my transactions and scared the heck out of me . The look on his face through the drive up camera said it all . I told him it was fine do what he needed to do to fix it I could wait . Well I rolled the window up because a song came on the radio that I LOVE and singing is my stress release . So I’m singing and turning off and on making sure he wasn’t at the camera I kept singing well I look back at it again and there he was . I stopped singing rolled down the window so he could hear the music if he could so he didn’t think I was talking to myself ๐Ÿ™„ well he fixed it 20 mins later . Apologizing over and over and I told him it was fine it happens with a smile on my face . Or was it embarrassment …

Then I went to the Post Office to see if my packages were in .hmm ..only one and too light . She said that’s all there was hmm …I think I have half a sectional cover. Ughh so I’ll be having to call the store . I got home all flustered told my son how it went at the bank ( not my singing embarrassment ) and he grabbed the package and I told him about only the one . He tried to lighten my mood by saying mom were you a bully to that teller with his kidding smirk . He knows I wouldn’t be rude. Then he looked at box said if you can’t open the box I will when I get home and will see what’s in it I have to go. With that said the house is quiet I have a meatloaf baking in the oven so the house smells delicious . I’m drinking my coffee I didn’t have this morning while my day time shows are on. I’m recording it so if I’m not totally focus on it I can watch later. As I’m writing. The sun is shining and my mind is doing what it always does and shouldn’t . Thinking… I need to let things go and I have . But I m always thinking of how to make things better for my family . Yes! My kids , my adult kids , I know things are not easy and life is a challenge oh I do know… but why is it so hard for some but so easy for others. I know .. we do not always know the story behind people .. it’s just it seems so easy for some and it’s hard watching your kids struggle.. even if their adults . Such the hard part of being a parent .. Mother.. I know I need to let them go and deal with the ups and downs themselves .. I did .. it’s just doesn’t seem that this new generation is as strong , confidence know matter how hard us parents have tried , society’s rules per say is so hard .. backwards I feel our kids are so much more weaker .hmm technology has gotten so bad it absorbs everyone’s life , the cell phones , social media , I don’t know if that’s it but the , patients isn’t there or we just want more.. then I did when we were growing up.. I guess it’s not up to me or anyone but ourselves how we live .. as long as they’re happy , trying, being a good person, and save. All my opinion like I said ..just thinking.

Time to separate..

It’s Friday my Son has made it through his Army AIT Graduation after looking at the silly pics on his Instagram and Fb he’s signed out and on his way to the airport hotel to rest and fly out early in the morning . I’m wondering how it will be when he is home .. he has been on his own well basically even if the Sargents have been in his face. But hasn’t had to be mothered. And I’m not starting that up .. it’s hard with him and I transitioning into an adult child and mother relationship because according to him I’m his mother and his definition of a mother is a mother takes care of here children well …. yes but then the child grows up and mom stops taking care of them and you grow into having conversations and laughs but my son is still immature because he can’t seem to do that so I ask if he he got food on his way to the hotel or if he slept after saying he was tired and it’s a two hour ride to the hotel and then I realize what I’m doing and I stop and he says why are you caring I’m fine .. omg ๐Ÿ™„ I defiantly cannot win . He either misses me or does not then doesn’t have much to say to me .. oh he’s exhausting… time will tell soon enough… oh I think daughters are so much easier to raise . Or I just got lucky๐Ÿ™‚ parenting is never easy…being that I didn’t text him after he said that my cell phone rang guess who … hmm telling me he was at the airport hotel . I replied ok thank you for letting me know. he must of felt a vibe from me or it was his guilt .. he asked if I was tired because I wasn’t asking him all the questions I’m so good at but I was only trying to make conversation and that’s where it’s hard because he doesn’t do conversations ๐Ÿ™„oh so hard … and I know when he’s tired he can be ugly and I think at the Base he held all in and now he can feel or whatever you want to call it . Oh we have a lot to adjust to.

Its 8:30 at night and my hubby and daughter are sitting in the living room chatting and watching the movie The wolveman and it’s pretty nasty so my daughter on one of her social media sites and I writing on a post on my blog. Looking up occasionally at the tv and it’s always at the wrong time. (Hahaha) well I guess I will chat with my daughter a bit more before she goes down to her place . Have a good night everyone.

Cold…

It’s the coldest night in a while . As I write this I’m under my covers . Earlier the wind was blowing so bad it was making a roaring sound ,all we could hear as we watched the nightly news .. which why we watch it I do not know , nothing good the world is not in a good place . The chaos in the politic world is crazy.. but that is all I’m saying , I do not like to talk politics.

Today was a quiet day I’m going to adopt this word quiet I say quiet a lot . ๐Ÿ™„ but quiet is my world for the most part … and yes tonight it’s quiet as well . It’s okay though because soon my son will be home well two months but soon . So even though for the most part his friends will be still at college and he will be working and doing The National Guard his music will echo through the house once in awhile when he’s home. My daughter is constantly on the run whether she is at work or with her boyfriend or friends so I do not see her much . Even though she is telling me she is so tired and is ready to just rest …. oh to be young. I know I’m just gibbering but thinking of someone who is flying back to College tonight to Ireland and her plane has been delayed 2 hrs and it’s late as it is when she’s flying out. Poor thing . So I know I’m rambling.. I guess it’s time to get off here and try to sleep. Goodnight everyone.

Running from my thoughts…

It’s been about 17 hours since hearing from my son. At 8 pm when he landed in Missouri he waited for his ride to the base . At 10:30 his time 11:30 ours we texted he thought he would be staying at the Army quarters there for the night being that the Base was 2hrs away. At 11 pm I received a message that he was shipping out to the base so we said somethings to him and then Goodnight thinking it would probably be the last we heard from him until he could do once a week calls.. after my hubby and I having a rough emotional day ,sleep was not easy to come but eventually we manage to fall a asleep . At 3:00 in the morning my phone lit up and the ring was so loud I had had it up . My sons face appeared on it . It was a quick serious voice I’m here and stating he was safe and when he could call he would .. well that made us happy he was safe .. there ..but it triggered my mothering strings .. did he eat , drink enough , why isn’t he sleeping oh yes I could keep going.๐Ÿ™„ my hubby and I eventually settled down to get some sleep I do not believe much we both have been in a fog all day and expecting him to walk through the door at any minute. So much to get use to , it’s quiet , less busy, less razzing one another , I miss his big smile . Supper time and and now evening is the hardest because this is when I’m waiting wondering when he will be home to eat or not . Not wondering .. worrying when he will be home when we go to bed. Okay you got the idea . Just so hard. Miss him. This afternoon I did do some adult coloring that helped .it stopped my thoughts from wondering. For awhile ..

It’s coming along pretty good . I think it will look good after it’s done. I’m happy I was able to get into it today. and now that supper is done and cleaned up a plate saved for my daughter when she gets him from work , chocolate cookie bars just made. I think while chatting with my hubby and watching news I’ll color a bit more . I think it may be a early night for all of us ,my daughter who stated she didn’t sleep well and hoping thinking it will be for my son as well . Will all get the sleep we need . I hope you enjoy my photo of my coloring page . I guess it’s time to finish some more.

And heโ€™s on his way…

It’s 6:43 here and this day has been long and teary.. for my son its even longer only 5:43 where he is waiting for his 2nd flight and so many more hours to travel until he’s at his destination . When he arrives at the Base he gets one call to say he arrived . It will be almost midnight when that call comes in. I’ve heard from him through text while in between flights .. so much waiting. He’s doing well for his first time flying on his own . Tired .. letting him go this morning was so hard . Did well not to show too much sadness but he did hug me like three times and did the shake hand hug with his dad several times too which is unusual for him . I know he was a bit nervous but so ready. He stated he was nervous but ready but I just wanted to hold on to him and not let go . My baby boy .. no parent book in the world teaches you how to let them go. When my husband and I were driving back home from dropping him off my cell phone came to life displaying his photo I answered so fast ready to ask him if everything was okay . He called because he had two hrs to wait for his flight and wanted to let us know how long it would take to get to the Base and he was bored . Happy to hear his voice but after getting off the phone it triggered the tears . I already was missing him. Once home hubby and I told our daughter how it went she couldn’t come with us not knowing how long it would take and she had to go to work. Then him and I kept busy around the house ,him outside doing oil changes on snowblower .. generator getting ready for winter even though it couldn’t be anymore humid that we have an air conditioner running. So iI was inside cleaning up around the house finishing some of my sons laundry he has left anything to do to not think how quiet it will be for awhile . And here it’s evening now and catching the nightly news until we settle in bed and watch our shows and wait for a my son to call. . When I know he can settle I will . Yes always a mother. That’s what us parents do. Soon my daughter will be home she is ready to get home eat and watch her shows as well. I wouldn’t be surprised if It crosses her mind to ask where her brother is . She always would when she would get home from somewhere and knowing he was out he was always out she would ask where he was . I know I will think off and on I wonder what he’s up to for the day . I always wondered it . Habits.. well for now I will get comfortable color or try until shows are on.

Landline phone …really!

Today was like any other day lately enjoyed my morning coffee, caught up on the morning news then kitchen clean up after breakfast , laundry. Then something I haven’t done in awhile spent 3hrs on the phone … not the cell phone landline ..house phone (hahaha) this should not feel strange to say or write. I was watching my show and texting a long lost friend that her and I shared the years of parenting together with two out of her three kids that are they same age of my two . My daughter is still good friends with her daughter. We vacationed together went to outings together the girls did endless sleepovers . The past two yrs we have been drifting slowly apart like when the ocean tides drift in then out and back in but for our friendship not coming back in . I can’t really say what drifted us apart ..I guess busyness , life , I don’t know maybe lack of effort on both our parts checking in but lately we have been texting more and trying to figure what happened . Then today we were texting and my soapy was on that we both use to watch together while being on the phone with one another . I got sick of texting so I picked up the landline and called her and we just chatted away talking about our soapy laughing how crazy it was and I believe we manage to talk about 10 different subjects..okay a bit of a exaggeration but wouldn’t be surprised being on the phone for 3 hours. Let’s say it was so therapeutic . Happy I never got rid of our landline. Many households do not have them anymore they just rely on their cell phones. A landline is so much more comfortable to carry around and clearer . What we have become with these cell phones. Her and I from the day being pregnant with our first born spent hours on the phone chatting and all through the yrs . Even spending at time 5 hrs on the phone .Today was nice . I’m hoping we are on the path of being connected again. It was nice to talk about everything but nothing and laugh for hours .