Living..

Life is amazing, beautiful. A gift. Yes we know this we have heard this many times over. Just look around look at the beautiful flowers that grow wild in a field of green . The sound of the birds as they call out to one another. The bright beautiful warming sun through out the day the big blue endless sky. The sound of bees as they buzz by you . The sound of the wind as it blows the trees gently . The tickle cross your face as the wind touches it. Then the night , the silence of it . Maybe a distant sound of an animal rustling through the woods as the leaves and branches crunch and snap under their paws. The stars diamond the sky . All such a wonder . But then there’s the days where the sky opens up and the rain pours down . The sky is filled with endless clouds . The warmth is replaced by cold that burns the skin . The wind blows like a tantrum . The stars do not shine. The world is dark. Yes life as it’s bright it is dark. As human beings we discover both the bright days and the dark . At times and we may feel the dark days more then the bright. No laughter but tears . We may hear the endless negative thought echoing in our heads. We may feel weak . At a loss a dark cloud hanging over us and we may not know why . The feeling we experience may be of such dispare that we cannot find our way back to the light. Instead we fall more deeper into the darkness and pulling ourself up is to tiring to sad we think maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to leave all this behind . To let go. Maybe feel free from all the pain that surrounds your body and mind. It seems like a easy pass out of this world . Why not..

Let’s see you are a beautiful human being someone’s child , daughter , son , sister, brother , mother , father, aunt , uncle …. you! A beautiful person brought into this world to live , embrace life’s mystery. To laugh. love be loved . Someone’s hero , someone’s happiness, someone’s light. Someone who brings more happiness into this world by just being you , yes flaws and all. No ones perfect. No one expects you to be . And if they do then there not for you. We all have our own journey in this world . No one said it would be easy we can’t see rainbows all the time . Life comes with many ups and downs. But it’s so worth it . It’s worth fighting for. It’s worth pushing through . If you feel this way please seek help . Find someone to talk to . Tell them how you feel let them listen . Let them know. No shame in feeling this way . Life can push us to far at times but there is always someone who is willing to listen to help . Let them. Because you are so worth it . You are special not only because you are you but also because you are special to someone also who wants to see that smile hear that laugh to feel that love you still have so much to give. ❤️

This is for the ones that I know that have lost their life to suicide or have thought about it, and who suffer from depression…😞

Signs…

It’s close to noon on a beautiful Bright Sunday . I’m am just sitting enjoying my first cup of coffee. Yes a bit late , lazy morning. For all of you who read my post ,if you haven’t read it this will not make sense . Yesterday as I posted started at 6 in the morning .. (early for me ). And a good start I was sore but I was full of positivity . I was going to do what I needed .. could do . I did but as the day went on and people came and went and I became a bit more sore . The pity party struck me. I wanted to go places be active my energy level was so high but my body said no . I may have pushed it a bit more then I was told . Sadly I’m not one to be told what to do . And I dislike to be held back . I’m a fighter . I do . Hmm I wonder where my kids get this attitude. So yes as the day progressed . Pity turned into anger. Once again I so do not like to get angry because I do not often take it out on people but on myself . But you can still feel the vibe if your in my presence .

In a blink of an eye the signs came to light first it started with my daughter sending me a text on her work break. She rarely drinks Coca Cola and she grabbed a bottle without looking at it she went to sit and drink it . On the bottles some have random names on them . She texted me a pick of the bottle she wrote under I just noticed this mom look at the name . In huge letters was Francis . I was in awe I couldn’t believe it but a smile came over my face . It was my Dad’s name rare name especially on a soda bottle and when I was at a low point and my daughter having some bad days herself there he was showing us he was near . When he was sick he said he would always be there . My daughter was the last grandchild he saw born . She was 6 months when he passed . He loved her so much and told her one day as he was holding her ” this will be your world enjoy it be strong” sorry tears but happy ones are forming in my eyes. He told me to ” let him go to say goodbye before he got worse “he didn’t want me to watch him die. He said” enjoy your beautiful little girl focus on her love her be happy” so I did what he asked. It’s been unbelievably 24 yrs and I know he still sends me signs especially when I am down . He was showing us he was still with us. Some can be skeptical but I believe that was not random the name on the bottle.

Second sign but this happen to a my friend of mine . she was telling me about it yesterday as well . A ring she loved and wore constantly she lost months ago she’s a nurse so she thought it came off in one of the gloves she has to wear she looked every where as well for it no luck. She was cleaning her bedroom and she said she looked down on her dresser where she had a little basket that held her favorite rings . And there did she notice sitting on top of the others was the ring . She said she was so dumbfounded said she looked through it many times even grabbed other ring from it and it was not there . She asked all her family members if they found it and put it there . They told her they never saw or new it was missing so no. I said to her ” you do know what month it is”? She was silent for a moment I asked if she was still there? She said ” oh my Kim do you think” I told her yes . Her only and younger sister passed away 3 yrs ago of this month next week it will actually be 3 yrs . I am such a believer in all of this . I feel this so deeply. So I do believe she had a part in this . Okay last sign and yes a long post this is. My son came home while I was up watching a movie at midnight he was with friends all day . He told me how one of his friends had a bad day . Bad day is not the word I would use. He showed me a photo it was a car his mother handed down to him when she bought a new one , he only had it 3months … coming home from college for the long weekend with his girlfriend they were hit by a guy who was weaving in and out of the passing lanes and speeding on the highway.He hit him my sons friends car flipped twice and the suv not car was completely gone the photo showed pieces of the car all over the road . Him and his girlfriend walked away from it without a scratch . Yes a bit shaken up but good . People showing at the scene couldn’t believe it , this could , should had killed or at least hurt them . But nothing and thankful for that . Not their time. I do believe So after my son went to bed I sat there in the dark and silence andI told myself to stop feeling sorry for myself that there is so much worse things in life and this is just a little set back and that life is a gift , and we need to honor this gift whether it’s a love one guiding us that has moved on from this world or an experience of an accident we need to get up be thankful smile , be happy and stay strong . Life is not easy by any means but it’s so worth it.think about that as you go along with your day.🙂

Writing letters ..

There is nothing better then the feeling you get when writing a letter . Somethings shouldn’t .. must not become the thing of the past. It’s such a beautiful , peaceful feeling when the words flow from the pen in your hands . Your fingers writing out the words you hope makes someone’s day ..brings a smile to their face or a laugh to their ears .It can be a random topic of silliness or a encouraging message . And yes it can at times be sad so a comforting word or two to get them through..but I only hope it’s always good. It can be a long turning of pages or just one page it does not matter how long or short it’s the words that matter and touch their heart and soul. Write a letter sometime , give it a try and see how it makes you and that special person who is receiving it makes them feel. ❤️

Mornings

sitting outside enjoying my coffee this morning ,the humidity is slowly moving away once again the cool breeze feels beautiful. Love when each morning feels new and like a clean slate … A day to start something new or make a fresh start in life..make some thing thats wrong and turn it  into a right or just keep being ,doing what is good . Most important be the best that you can be .Many possibilities. Open your mind your heart to something good and new today. While doing that you could be putting a smile on someone’s face who needs a kind person to be near . I love this saying I’ve heard “do not let life harden you” with all of lifes ups and downs it can. Now to enjoy the rest of my coffee and the beautiful blue sky above me .  Enjoying some time with my son today. After a beautiful day spent with my daughter the day before.❤️image

The whys….

Its been a long week and it’s only Monday… going to be a long week until Friday . It’s Feb vacation for school and it’s the vacation I never could understand .. The weather is rainy or snowy but then melts and sadly it’s a week of no money the week before when you get paid every other week …. My son is going out of his mind it’s the evening he came straight home after practice ate and planted himself on his bed in the dark . Im helping him  to a point for necessities but it’s a no pay week for us as well and when your on a budget you do what you have to do.plus he found out his car that we thought was in great condition has some issues so tomorrow it goes to the garage to see how bad even though I’m a bit nervous I told him will deal with it you can use mine ,so not a good time  I know there is worst things in life then no money …car issues again  but  sadly there  are times like this ,been here before its just sad it comes at a time that is not conveniant but when is it?  This generation cannot deal with it . . Back in my day yes things where cheaper , cars fell apart we delt with it we had to get creative to occupy our time with our friends sitting at a friends( even if they picked us up )house watching movies back in my day it was music videos on mtv  and snacks and a bunch of laughs when we had no money . This day in age it’s go out to eat go to the movies eat out oh did I just say that hahahaha yes I know I did but this is all they know what to do….so frustrating  let’s see my son is home in his room laying there on his bed with phone in hand looking like he lost his best friend.. I ask him where are his friend home ok and this friend home hmm so their all sitting at home because no Money  so I to say to him cheer up soon you will get paid  we all have days months like this I told him sadly look at the alternative as my gaze goes to the nightly news talking about the school shooting and so heartbreaking families burying thier  love ones such an unfair tragedy . My son looks at the tv and says I know I understand believe  me. I know he does know life is more about money but sadly our minds are programmed that money makes us happy ….ok yes it does  it makes things easier to a point but it’s also a nuisance when we don’t have any it sets our mood …just so wrong we know life is much more then that.

I go into his room and  suggest ask a friend to spend the night he says to me I’m okay I’ll be fine now this is different usually he would bark at me  but he says it  nicly I say do you have a book you need to read for school read it take your mind off things he smirks at me I should know who I’m talking too that would be what my daughter would do not him haha and then I see his phone light up he smiles , laughs and I pat him on his arm and walk out of the room he looks at me say what was that for . I just smile back and say I’m happy I see a smile on your face.even though it was technology  helping him connect to a friend . Now if we can just focus on the positive now I’m smirking ME positive hmm not a trait I do well, sadly when  Life and it’s moments have made me this way  it’s not always what we asked for and I have learned this along time ago and more in the past year and it’s just really hard and I’m not talking about money ..life is hard it’s just trying to find the way through it  .. To the beautiful part of it as well..and there is a lot of beautiful moments it’s just with everything that has happened and the world filled with so much more of worrysome things that just prooves to us shows us  not to take anyone or anything for granted .  Be grateful and take life one day at a time is how I get through it❤️

Pleasant Day!

Even though it was was just one of those days during the week that your basically just doing what you do your mind is at ease you get things done easily and it’s just makes for a pleasant day 🙂 I think it helps that today is the last day of January …..not my favorite month . Plus I ran in to my favorite nephew who my son could be his mini me even though my nephew is in his 30’s him and my son resemble one another in just about every way looks their mannerisms …. and girls are attracted to them and they know it but they know what they want . Their hearts are both so big . So that made my day to see him and his lady . After that I came home and started making my homemade chicken and rice soup which happily it’s done and the house smells so good , Perfect on this cold day. . Now just waiting for everyone to come home . Once again I will remind you it really doesn’t take much to make me happy❤️