Settling .. thinking stop thinking, ..

Today time seemed to move in slow motion. I went around cleaning up things around the house ,dusting, the usual .Figuring what to make for supper . .. knowing I had time because my hubby had texted to say he was working late. I watched my day time soap and then as I was waiting for the washing machine to finish I sat outside on my swing closing my eyes trying to stop thinking .. reflecting back to what my daughter had told me earlier in the day.. ( read my post before this) couldn’t imagine how that family was coping with this loss … I looked up at the blue sky and thought how beautiful it was and the same word echoed in my mind…..why? Does God know why ? Does he understand ?

I worry about this I must admit because I have a daughter that suffers from such anxiety since high school she is doing much better now , has her moments but gets through . She is so sensitive which I believe is what makes me so nervous .. I know when she hears about suicide it breaks her heart . She has such a big heart . After sitting outside for a bit I knew it was not doing me any good because I just sat there swinging back and forth which usually I love but I was thinking thinking to much . I got up and made myself busy until finally the washing machine was done.. About 2hrs later my daughter walked into the house alone I looked around for her boyfriend she was with earlier … no where to be found . She stated he would be here soon was with his family getting a car from them and I just wanted to come home and wait for him . I didn’t push , I watched as she went down to her place and came back with her book in hand and settled on the couch as she asked what I was doing … I stated not much sat in the living room with her with my book . I knew she was needing some quiet time but also wanted to talk but not , always when she grabs a book. she then said said I think everyone is at the beach I was like what ? she said on Facebook everyone for the most part is saying their at the beach ..going to the beach …you will see this all summer posted on there . I told her yeah I’m sure. Do you want to be ? she said no not at all just wonder why it has to be plastered all over Facebook . I thought to myself that’s what happens on there . People need to state where they are . I rolled my eyes to myself . I just replied well then stay off Facebook . Take a break from it. She sighed .

Sometimes I believe life is only exciting for some if they state all their where about’s and play how happy they are to the world … but are they? . Or just need to brag or just like to state where they are . I do understand my daughters point. I grew up without it and I think life was easier . We lived our life’s did what we wanted and no one had to really know. I think that’s why getting back into reading again and doing projects . Plus waiting for my journal I want to start and so believe it’s a perfect time .not going to say anymore until I receive it. I believe will be a great blessing. 🙂 Tonight I settled in and watched my hubby and i’s favorite summer show . America’s got Talent. Now he is snoring away and I was trying to read but my eyes started to get heavy . My son is settled in for the night my daughters with her boyfriend so I think I will say my prayers and get some sleep .. hopefully I can finish saying them before I find myself falling asleep., yes my prayers are long.. ❤️

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He did it❤️

It’s been a good proud, happy, fun laughter filled day and now everything is picked up everyone’s gone home my son has gone to be with his friends to look back on this memorable day last day of being together as a class .. hubby is sleeping and I’m with Miss Abigail curled up in the living room chair for once .. needing some down time for myself before I settle in bed.. hmm so many things going through my mind. With in just hrs I now look at my son and I am finally able to face that he is a young man now .. no going back to high school in the fall no Booster Days no Football game … track meets .. no class color day ..etc. its pretty mind blowing. Big thing … what do I do now? All I have ever known is to be a mom , to do play dates with them , Halloween trick orc treat go to meets, bottom line take care of them , now both my kids have graduated and I will be in a different roll now . It’s scary actually , I will need to figure this out some how .. I will have plenty of spare time .. I guess my son and I will both be on a new journey …

Thoughts…

It’s a warm Friday night the peepers are out I can just about hear them over the fans that are trying to do their jobs but it’s okay if not . I’m awake even though my hubby is fast asleep . I believe he did too much in the heat today . He had today off so it gives him a long weekend but sadly he is not one to take it easy . Yes the yard looks beautiful but it was just way to hot to fast to do all what he did. Tomorrow is my sons track and field meet he made it into the championships if he wins his races or at least makes it into the final 3 I believe he will move on to States . So it’s an early morning for him he needs to meet the team bus by 7 when they leave the events start at 10 so I’m sure my hubby will be leaving soon after him. I will not be going ,too long of a day for myself , my hip would not like the bleacher and then the standing for hours on end . My son is good about it he understands and knows my heart will be there with him ❤️ I’m so proud of him and I wished him good luck before he went to bed early tonight You never talk to him or try to before a race …hahaha he’s not a chatty morning person anyways ..unlike his mom . He never could understand how I can chat at any time of day. My daughter knows I can . So I will clean up the house , run some errands and then take sometime and relax with my book or just write, of course wait for messages from my hubby letting me know how my son is doing . So tomorrow will tell if his track season moves on one more week or not . This is surly going to be a sad moment when this season is over. I know he will run after graduating he will have to for boot camp in Oct and for now weekends throughout the summer for Army National Guards. But that I’m taking one day at a time . Need to get through Graduation .. so yes one step at a time . Well my eyes are getting heavy and I want to say my prayers before I fall asleep … so good night everyone 🙂

Another last ..

Friday late afternoon started out warm but as the evening came it became chilly , once again at my sons high school for the D2″s championships have begun , my son did well not his best but then again according to our local paper but I believe 2nd place in his relay is nothing to judge about . These are athletes from all the counties around us ,the best of the best competing and after the day before being up at 4 to be at his Army National Guard medial exam he did well . He has a lot on his mind and being his last D2 meet and on his home track is emotional as well. He has ran this track for 4 Year’s now and I know how much he will miss all of this. Now I know my husband will he just loves watching them . I do too but let’s just say the cold is hard to take .. even thought it’s May it was freezing last night sitting on those bleachers are rough not very comfortable and so by 9:30 after being there at 4 ,5and 1/2 hrs was enough. Getting home and eating which we hadn’t yet I was following asleep just getting a couple of slices of pizza in .hahaha I finally gave up and settle into bed under my electric blanket. My son had came home a bit after us and was so tired just headed to his bedroom and fell into bed and said can’t do a shower we let him be and let him just get some sleep. I know though that he laid there thinking about how this was his last meet on his home turf ., Because he is a lot like me and thinks a lot .. especially about moments.

Today was a rainy day and busy but that’s for another day …as I look at the clock I think it’s time to call it a day . Still a bit tired from last night. so Goodnight everyone.

Reconnecting…

I was reading a post just now from one of my favorite bloggers and she was talking about distance and reconnecting with her spouse who is deployed you would understand more if you check out her blog ,This Beautiful life it’s called .check her site out iit is beautiful , you will love her writing. And her she is such a nice person.

I’m laying here in bed and I’m thinking ..yes I know wrong time🙂 but the house is a bit warm so it’s hard to settle , so it dawned on me my daughter is 22 and living her life yes I see her but yes it’s not the same .My son is graduating and looking at college and army and well hmm . .. hubby and I have adapted to having kids around , taking care of them and soon it’s back to where we started full circle…yes a bit different we are still paren’ts but so not the same . We will be back to being us , a couple . I know it’s all apart of life but it’s new to us .. and well we need to reconnect our brains to let’s go to a movie … let’s go away for the weekend and we just can do it the two of us .. but then it’s what will we talk about it’s always been about the kids . Yes it was just us at one time BUT we are older , we both have changed it’s not like we can go back to who we use to be or do what we use to do life is different now we are different . So as my kids embark on their new journey their parents are as well. Reconnecting what a thought…

Early Night…

An early Friday night settled in watching a bit of tv but soon I know the tv will be going off ..early morning will come quick. My son has packed is things for his big track meet and will be out of the house by 6:40 in the morning to catch the bus with his team at the school. He is now in bed hopefully sleeping having a hard time with that this school yr . He has always been a great sleeper. So I’m thinking stress … a lot on his mind. As this new journey I am on he is on his own new journey as well. I believe it’s a bit over whelming for him at the moment but he has his goals his believes and if he holds on to them he will be fine .I told him take it one day at a time do not over think just relax you did everything you needed to do now relax a bit ….and this is coming from a women who over thinks everything. Well it’s easier to say to someone 🙂I still learning… well it’s getting time to shut the tv down and get up early to see him off . Have a good night everyone.

Wondering why..

the evening is here and no sunset the clouds moved in hiding away the sun . So I saw this photo and thought it was soothing. I’m sitting here watching the news and shaking my head …. why are things the way they are ?why do things feel so upside down ? why do we believe we are making this a better world with all our protesting for this or that . When all I see is when I was back in high school except worse, and we are forming sad hurtful cliques . But the cliques are about us all agreeing with one another having none of our own opinions likes ..well we can but it will come with a price .. lashing back with harsh words , violence, yes this is our better world this is making progress .. hmm do you see it. Shaking my head I wonder what my parents would of thought of all this if they where still here. I’m sure their looking down from the heavens above and shaking their heads too. This new generation has some things a bit mixed up. We need more love more kindness … more morals and more fairness and so much less judgement. And hate We need to be able to respect what others believe in even if we do not agree ,without worrying about the consequence . Can we ? Maybe someday. Just maybe ….