Growing Up…

Night has arrived and my heart is heavy. Yes I’m probably thinking too much but isn’t that what night does sometimes to people who think too much…. Its the School April vacation week and it’s just not the same . The days are too quiet and normal . The nights have been quiet as well . No loud music playing shaking the walls down ,no laughter of a house full of kids. No not having all our food ate up .

Instead the walls are not shaking just the sound of a movie playing in my sons room no laughter unless it’s my son laughing about something in the movie and a house is full of food . I know he’s growing up . The high school yrs are just about over , he’s done with work the ski season job is over so looking in the mean time for another but not having much luck . So it’s been going to the gym then to sport practice and then maybe one night he ate out after with his track friends but has been home the past 4 nights . I know I shouldn’t complain but this is just not how he is .The friend group has changed so he’s not hanging around with friends that are constantly running in between everything, the friends he has are doing what he is doing and as he puts it chilling at home at night. Does he miss the running hmmm I don’t know but why do I feel sorry for him? He came home tonight after gym and practice made his special diet for supper showered and then put on a movie in his room .. about an hour later he texted me ….yes he did I was in the living room. He asked if I would make him a pb&j sandwhich . How could I refuse πŸ™‚ I brought it to him and there he was in his bed in his comfy clothes watching his movie and looking content so maybe he’s not missing the running around … maybe he is just growing up. Or maybe he’s doing wha I’m doing and thinking too much and needs a movie for distractionπŸ™„ a lot of changes are happening to him and it’s fine if he’s actually chilling himself πŸ˜‚ I need to stop thinking myself and let him be ,soon it’s back to school ,exams prepping for graduation college signups so yes I need to let him be…oh nights can do a number on you and Facebook as well al the posting of who’s doing what ugh need to stop comparing our family with others . That actually is maybe the problem … and him as well he seems to be on it a lot okay I need to stop …. always a mom…. well I do not hear the movie anymore he must have gone to bed. What I should be doing. Along with my hubby who is fast asleep …okay think I will good night everyone …

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People….

Hi Everyone I hope all of you had a good weekend and Monday.I did until this evening just warning you this could be a long post beware 😭… I alway thought I was a people person actually I don’t know now I guess it depends on the person so maybe not .I looked up the definition and it states people that are good with dealing with people okay well yes and no then . A person I have known since my son and her daughter went to preschool and now graduating together I could take her but would need a break because she could become over bearing with a lot of un called forbragging and know it all …but this past last week we have done well chatting through text well the Facebook app and it’s actually been pleasant .Tonight she stepped over the line over something yes important but not important enough to be hurtful .. My son didn’t participate at the fundraiser for his class he went to sports practice and then came home and did homework and my hubby and I where not going to go then and we respected his option to op out he told them no it was a dinner .. one he wasn’t the only one who didn’t participate but that’s is not the point.. I know any how it’s a bit late I told him what’s it for we have paid for a yearbook they where not suppose to , will be paying for his graduation gown so where is the money going ? My son said I believe for our first class reunion my hubby and I where like what…. that’s 5 yrs away … and this lady had been on me all day leaving messages on oh how her daughter was running everywhere doing all the work and it just kept going … now she can stretch the truth a bit and her daughter can over do herself to try to look like the best once again not the point …and remind you I was still ok was not letting her get to me. My son has had a hard time lately with classmates he’s ready he needs to graduate soon he does not do drama and well he told me I would regret chatting with her and my daughter warned me as well he and she where so right she rubbed people in my face this evening because my son and hubby and I where not going to let her push us to go … if anyone knows me you do not do that.. then I’m done …. and she hit hard with that and all I have ever done was mind my own business take care of my family , teach my kids to be good and be polite we have done what we needed to do. This yr so anyways we taught our kids never let anyone ever belittle you well .. hmm I guess doing this I’ve shown people you can walk all over me .. oh mo I’m not that easy so now I am done. People do not know me .

I try to be a nice person to everyone . I do not get in other peoples business . I honestly think my blogger friends oh and my family and closes friends know me the best. I can be myself when I write ..right now yes I’m venting … just so angry, hurt if I could of stomped around earlier I would of but I can’t because that would only hurt my hip πŸ˜‚. I’ve only shown kindness to this person but then to throw people in my face especially the people who’s kids hurt my sons feelings and trust so much and this lady knows it is a low blow. Why? These parents are as bad as their kids with drama …. why are people so hurtful life is so short and people worry and hurt others over the simplest things. My kids say I worry too much about making people happy that I should worry about myself is that the right thing? Is that what we are suppose to do ? I really do not know anymore.. of course for starters my son said Facebook should go hahaha true….getting there . Yes I am just trying to figure things out …

Stop Thinking…

As you see the sky’s cleared the sun came out but the wind came with it. It’s night now and the winds are raging havoc on the trees .My hubby does not like thunderstorms and winds ..high winds, tonight I actually do not it’s wild out there. Trying to settle in bed it was a quiet day did what needed to be done then relaxed started feeling under the weather with so much going around I’m not surprised Plus the rain was bothering my hip I feel blah yes hahaha I do not know how else to subscribe it . So watching tv in bed with my hubby. My son is as now gone to bed , my daughter is out with her boyfriend and probably not happy with me but that is okay…yes she is 23 but if you live under our roof and do not pay rent I have a say to state my opinions about certain things that I know she will regret . I know that’s her problem being 22 Shes an adult this parenting thing is so frusturating thinking it’s time to charge some rent … Honestly I do not want to have to be right and it’s not about her needing me because it’s not ,it’s about her finding a foundation ..growing up getting it together and I getting some sleep and not worrying if she’s home yet, or having to pick the pieces up when she falls apart . I just feel so tired of worrying about everything and it gets me no where. I feel I should be able to be happy I’ve done my job .. Im starting to get use to the idea my youngest is graduating and will be heading to college and I want my daughter to have the confidence the ability to grow like her brother is yes they are such opposites but I think they could learn something from one another …well the wind is not calming down it’s actually worse and so I think I will try to cozy up under the covers and try to sleep so I do not hear the wind and I don’t think myself to an all nighter .. Goodnight Everyone.πŸ™‚

Sunday Night…

it’s Sunday night and we are All home, yes I emphasized all because it’s a rare occurrence that we are all home at night early and settled in. The reason I posted this photo is in my posts I sometimes state that I can hear the whistle of a train in the distance when all is quiet as I’m trying to sleep , this is the train tracks of that or those trains .. they sit about a mile away but you can hear the trains for miles as it echos up the valley . I love the look of them because they just seem endless . Always loved to sit close by as a teenager and write in my journal especially around Fall time a cozy but an eerie feeling .

Same as sitting in an abandon covered bridge in my town etched with names of all the teenage kids I will admit my name is their as well that would hangout or shield them self’s from rain when being with friends ..what you did living in a small town in the country. It was always eerie how the wind would blow through the old bridge making it creak.. just like the eerie sound of that train whistle .. at the moment I can’t hear it at that matter I can’t hear anything but 80″s music coming from the TV because my hubby is reliving his youth for the moment hahaha, my hubby roaming through channels and found it . I guess he’s had enough thank goodness now it’s time to shut down the tv and computer and get some sleep and maybe I will hear that lonely sound of the train whistle after all..

Anxiety…

Hmmm.. being a mom is such an amazing most beautiful feeling .That first moment whether it’s your 1st 2nd etc amount of children you have that special moment holding them in your arms and them looking up at you is like no other feeling you will ever know and you want to hold on to them and never ever let them go . You will protect them with all your might. There is nothing you wouldn’t do to keep them from hurting or succeeding in life…..but then the teenage yrs come and they turn into a person you know is your child but this attitude this whole new person standing in front of you is not that little girl or boy you held in your arms not that long ago okay well yes very long ago. Many moons ago but to a mom the time is irrelevant You know that little child is in that grown body some where now telling you their fine they got this let me be . Oh but those are words you thought you would never hear or would of taken a little bit longer to get here then it did. Why does time have to fly by so fast .

My mind keeps counting how many months to graduation and my anxiety grows.. every college application every moment waiting for that email or letter in the mail and seeing if they get in or the disappointment on their face when one college has gotten back to them and it’s a not at this time . So you watch them wait for the next . Oh and as the wait goes on you think how one step closer they will be-to starting this journey of life . As a parent a mom that journey also consists of change for us as well … figuring out what we do now when all you really have done has been a stay at home mom ,one because it worked and two because of my disability . ..But still what to do ? So my anxiety is up and flaring and I’m trying to change some things now so it won’t be so hard when he is off. Oh believe me he’s helping this hahaha my son and daughter are not home much my daughter the oldest is here more she has a place downstairs and a steady job and saving up and paying her car off so she is comfortable at the moment with her kitty living here with her . My son the youngest is ready to run . They are so opposite and it’s coming to light so much more now that their older … anyways my son is helping this change he’s usually at practice the gym with friends ,working or hiding out in his room that part is nice πŸ™‚ I must say I’m happy I have this blog it keeps me busy and something to look forward too plus I love my adult coloring and I’m reading more once again . Soon I can spend some time out with my friends and not worry about all the ice and snow . The days are getting longer. As I hope my spouts of anxiety get shorter πŸ™‚

Feelings…

I honestly believe that love is the hardest part of living , but at the same time best part of living .. yes love can feel so good and make you feel this deep sensation deep down inside to your soul and yet at the same time can be the hardest and saddest most painful feeling you ever experienced . How can one word one feeling be so complicated an the most best or worst thing in your life . Love is such a powerful word .