Sitting under my tree , happy place today deck needing more work then we expected… the sun is out and there is a beautiful breeze . A quiet day . My daughter is headed to work. My son coming home this evening after an over night orientation at the college he will be attending this Fall. That said I am taking in a moment and doing nothing … as I sit here my mind keeps reflecting back to a mystery this past week .. as You know if your a regular follower or just reading my post . I live in a peaceful quiet wooded area in the country where our driveway is more of a country road . So trees surrounding our home , during the day all you hear is the wind , the birds, and the comings and goings of my kids and their friends. So this was a surprise when I open my kitchen door this past week and found this beautiful item
Outside the door laying on the railing. I asked my son who was just arriving home from his morning run if he had placed it there ?he replied no asking if maybe dad had found it and put it there before work . Puzzled I sent my husband a picture and asked . He replied several minutes later no he didn’t and that he had never seen it before. And thought maybe our daughter. When my daughter woke I asked her and the same reply no not me. Okay now I was really in dismay …. relatives never just show up out here so I didn’t think it was any of them but I called around anyways and same reply no I did not. It’s been a week and this butterfly sits in my planter within my flowers . And there is no answers to where or how his came upon our door step . Do I find it beautiful ? Yes . .. does it make me wonder where this came from ? Yes.. does it bother me this un known mystery yes.. what do you think a message perhaps a sign ? I would love to know .
Outside my door the winds have calmed the storms have passed ..for now. Settled in last night with my new book . After about 45 mins later I put my book down and shut the light off. It wasn’t that the book wasn’t good it was . I just wanted to lay there in the darkness and watch the flash of the lighting and hear the roll of the thunder . Love nighttime storms. As the storm came through flashing shadows on my wall I laid there taking it in thinking about the Memorial Day weekend approaching .. like everything things change. I know a part of life. Even if I wanted time to to stop it would not ..even for a moment . Even laying there watching the storm was different… my daughter at some friends house . My son tired from work in bed as well as my hubby just I watching it .No kids running into the bedroom or sitting in our living room watching counting between the lightening flashes. Just I … As this Memorial Day approaches this will not be the same as well. Yes they’ll be a cookout ,bonfire on one of the days but less around the fire. but our hearts with them . No friends sleeping over , no sleeping out in a tent and being waken by kids running in as fast as they can to sleep on the living room floor because they heard something in the woods. No movie nights with buckets of popcorn and wide eyed kids as they watched .No just my hubby and I watching a movie , or sitting and watching the stars , taking a ride . As our door swings open and close as my kids come and go from work. I will embrace this change and then the next one and the next one. But for now I will embrace this moment . with a smile on my face and also a tear in my eye.
It’s Thursday afternoon . The house is cleaned up , a load of laundry thrown in at the last minute. It will be a light supper tonight chicken Pattie sandwiches and chips on the side . Just the two of us tonight My kids working late my daughters late night , my son’s off to his second job. Quiet when he arrived home from his morning job .. I’m sure it was only tiredness but since he has arrived home from Basic he has been more talkative ,when he is quiet I wonder what he is thinking about , he’s such a thinker. I know we all have our moment of quietness where we want to keep to ourselves . The day was a quiet one as well… yes once again.. just me my self and I 🙂Miss Abigail hiding away somewhere in the house sleeping.
The sun is shining after a early afternoon shower. My daytime shows are over . The day before my new book arrived in the mail. I have yet to start it. Tonight before bed I’ll start it . I have a feeling I will get through this quickly . It’s the second book to Kristin Hannah’s Firefly Lane. Loved that book read it years ago and still remember it . I’m happy I bought it now I own both of them. The Second book is called Fly away. Love Kristin Hannah so heartwarming and you feel you have walked into the story . Oh the clouds have moved in again stealing the sun away. I believe it will be that kind of night , off and on showers. Laundry machine has stopped time to transfer to dryer.
The weekend was beautiful despite the rain. This week though even with the sun finally showing itself I just feel this dread or something .. I cannot place this feeling it’s nothing to do with a lack of energy ..oh that I have a lot of .I do know I put myself back in that mom take care mode .. okay you are probably thinking what is so wrong with that ? Well a lot is wrong with that. I’m back in my mode and I promised myself when my son came home after Basic and being away for 6 months I would get on my own routine . And when my son got on that plane that first day . I was good had to be this is what he wanted ..my hubby and I hugged him and let him go and then hubby and I headed home with a coffee stop . And a phone call from him asking if we were home since he had a 2hour wait till his flight I knew he was missing us already being his first time away all to be expected. When we arrived home I cleaned up the house . Room by room not my sons he had cleaned his before he had left. So I just paused at his bedroom door . Then made myself move along. Supper came and my daughter at work then boyfriends … hubby and I ate just it just being the two of us . Well over the 6 months with a 10 day Holiday pass for Christmas he was home . It felt great but so strange I was in a whole new routine . And so him and I clashed a bit … sadly . I was told this was normal. Then the time came and he had to go back. By March I was ready to have him home. And this time it was better we were at an adult son and his mother relationship We talked on a new level . My time ..my routine was still there and he had his routine. Then here we are in May and I’m finding myself out of my routine .. well more then I want to be . I’m worrying if he’s ate what he’s doing . He has been very good about it when before he did not like it. All the mothering believe me I can get over bearing🙄Yes he has had his moments and has told me in a nice way to stop but then sadly apologizes when honestly I do not want him to. I know this summer is going to be a long one. Right now he is working two jobs and he is gone a lot . So I’m trying to get back into the routine of just my hubby and I . In the Fall along with National Guard drills and going away to college it will be my hubby and I and my daughter again when she is here. and I think it will be hard to let go of him this time. He will not be far away it’s for a matter of convenience for him to dorm with our bad winters . And now with all the things happening in this world and him In the Army National Guards has added this worry more then when he signed up . And I can’t say much about this but I do not know if I’m coming off a vibe he is giving out since I’m so good at both my kids vibes of something there worrying about or doing tends to bounce off of them on to me . Always been this way. So could this be it? I’m feeling his worry. Yes he knows what he as signed up for but being 18 there is concern I’m sure with him. He is such a thinker like me . And his humbleness is been a bit more apparent. Which makes me feel anxious…Even though I feel this way I would never change it for the world . Being a mother is just so hard sometimes because the love you feel and there is nothing you will not want to do for your kids . This Fb quiz actually says it. well except for the cowering in your presence well unless you hurt my kids🙂
I made a book list and ordered a book that is on its way that I’m very excited about and I’m looking forward to it . Which it’s been a bit since I was excited about a book since not been able to find a good one and I’m going to keep ordering hoping for more good book to occupy my mind at night , especially when I’m thinking or when he is out late both my kids with that. So my mind doesn’t wander. When I get my book I’ll post it . For now yes finishing the Road. Yes it’s dragging .. but according to my daughter she is shocked that I’m in the last two chapters of it, being that it’s not usually something I would read or even think of finishing. 🙂 well it’s getting late need to try to get some sleep so off I am to bed. Hoping to hear that train and its whistle in a distance I’m so comforted to while saying my nightly prayers falling asleep .
After a day spent with my daughter in Town getting things she needed , I needed , so in and out of the car wandering stores . Passing by people , rushing to get out of peoples way🙄 we got back to the car and headed home . We talked about how busy it was in the store and how rushed we felt when really we were not rushing .. we were taking our time looking at items , grabbing things . BUT it was the people around us . With the looks , the rude your in my way tone in their voice when they said excuse me and we were not even in their way just near them. Or I’m sorry if I wasn’t fast pace walking with the carriage because I can’t . But keeping aware of people around to move out of their way when I needed to. Then I hear a sigh of frustration whoops one minute I didn’t realize a person behind me I moved out of the way even though the isle was big enough for the both of us . I said oh I’m sorry and the person just looked at me and walked by . Yes I do not know what kind of day this person may or maybe having . But it’s just becoming more and more like this. Right then I knew I was done. Once in the car I told my daughter . She said yes she had noticed and knows how people are .she works in retail and sees it everyday . Well this wasn’t the main topic of this post but it’s just all part of what things have become . Here is the part that I thought was appalling.
I’m home now and my hubby and I are watching the nightly news and one of the headlines was handshaking . I guess handshaking could become the thing of the past before we know it. I believe amount of people are now wanting to ban this gesture. It’s not sanitary .. okay I get this to a point but to have a ban on it .. human touch is something that makes this world seem bearable . A shake of a hand can show respect . Acknowledgment , or I’m sorry , it’s the emotion in the strength of it. Yes if you can’t shake then politely refrain from it but to ban this or even the thought to question banning this is so sad. Sometimes it’s saddens me what and how we have become . Well for the most part , not all.. I’m saying just in general. It’s a scary thought what new life being brought into this world will be brought up with . It’s a thought I find myself thinking about more often. And knowing I will not be that person .
Drifting off to sleep slowly… thankfully the night is quieter the winds no more . Replaced with the moonlight shining in through the sides of my window shades. No trains tonight echoing in the distance , oh the eery but comforting sound it is. The house is quiet , everyone is home and settled in. Even Miss Abigail is down in her place . Happily she went down the stairs as my daughter called to her and as I told her good night her little face looked up at me from the bottom of the stairs … I swear if she could talk she would of said goodnight. 🙂 her eyes said it all tho. Off and on through the quiet darkness I can hear my son laughing quietly , he must be on his phone . The sound makes me smile. Oh how I will miss this as time goes by and they all spread their wings .. but for now I will absorb every moment every sound every quietness of us all settled in together. And now I will drift of to sleep as I say my prayers ….
The weekend as come and gone .. and now it’s already 9:00 at night I’m just finding the moment to get on here today. After a night of trying to sleep both my son and I . Talking at midnight about life. Him worried with finding a job which he is having a hard time with that. He has applied at many places and I told him wait but check in with them after a couple of day to make sure they received it. Plus he’s having a time acclimating from Army time to now being home. His sleep pattern is off so that’s why we were up at midnight talking. I’m such a person who feels way too much and when someone in my family is having a rough time I can’t help to feel that pain so deeply , probably too much . I take in so much of someone’s energy it can make or break my day. Probably sounds strange but that’s how I feel. I have been known to be called too sensitive and I guess it shows more when my family is hurting … I think being too sensitive makes me think to much as well .. not a good thing It’s so hard being this way.
On another note today is my hubby’s bday so the kids and I gave him a new coffee maker . The other one needs to go. And a Fitbit will be on its way soon ordering it this week ,he wanted one and I left that up to my son to find him a good one. We had a small cake As he requested if I had it my way it would of been a bigger cake but the smaller cake my daughter picked was perfect a chocolate cake with a truffle topping frosting, it was so rich that a small piece was really filling especially right after eating supper. . So he could make a wish and blow out his candles which I’m very adamant about. My hubby open his other present from his mom and close aunts that he received on Sunday at our nieces 16 bday party . I think he enjoyed his Birthday tonight. Now the presents are open some cake eaten my hubby off to bed and my kids and I sitting in the living room watching The Voice and on our devices annnnd .. awake🙄 yeah hopefully we get tired soon. I have appointments in the morning so my daughter is going to take me so I do not have to drive her car . My son has some appointments as well so he will have my car. Yes we need to have some decent sleep tonight. Ive started another book it’s one of my daughters books she has had . I read it way back when she had bought it. Its a young adult read Looking for Alaska by John Green.. once in awhile their fun to read . I do not totally remember it so I’m enjoying it. I finish my last book finally and just couldn’t think of what to read next so it’s an in between read . I’m thinking I will have it read pretty quick . I guess I should be looking for my next book very soon. For now it’s time to try to settle . Have a good night everyone.