Quietness…

  • It’s a quiet Sunday evening Country music will be playing softly. Shortly. The tree is down needed to be was shedding needles . I will miss the comforting glow of its lights while I sit here I can’t say I will miss the holidays. This past week has been horrible. My thoughts are quiet as the house is at the moment which is a good thing. It’s been an emotional roller coaster ride. I am ready to put this yr behind me and move on to the next. With a new look on life with all this changing, I have been through. And letting the guilt of what ”is supposedly the right way to be” be blown away in the wind. Yes, the winds of change. How fitting. I am going to post more positive posts but bear with me. Like I’ve mentioned before a lot of changes going on and more to come it needs to be. This year has taught me a lot about myself and I have realized I am stronger than I have ever thought. It hasn’t been an easy way to find this out but at least I have. It’s now time to just keep pushing crawling running anyway possible to move forward. I am determined to do so. I will not do a New Year’s resolution. I do not believe in them. As they never seem to work out . And sometimes I find the resolutions to be more materialistic then self-helping. son has finally been able to get his own car so I have mine back. It needs some work done on it but it’s all doable well I hope so. Have an estimate on the door after the accident so there will be a new door . And then an oil change Some brake work and good cleaning but it’s all mine. An ice storm coming through tonight seems to be closing this town down. Even though I just arrived home earlier and so many are out. Including my daughter and son. Just as I wrote this they just pulled in to the driveway. One less thing to worry about. Time will tell what this storm brings. As of other things in life. But I am learning to not focus on the negative. Easier said then done . Trying though. So bear with me .
  • The longest Day…

    It’s been a long week, a lot of mishaps. If I want to even call it that. Let’s see I finally ventured out Thurs afternot wanting to wait. On dealing with the icy driveway.to get to an appt and just get out as well. I do not know if that was a mistake to get out that day or the lack of staying in too long.on my way home on Thurs night, I happened to get hit by a truck that I believe was driving. A bit. too fast because I honestly looked as I left the parking lot and ventured out on to the busy road. It was clear until I heard a loud crunch and realized I had been hit. I am okay as the guy that collided with me is. Also, my driver’s side door has minor damage. I manage to get back out with my son on Friday for a long drive four hours later 😊 he estimated wrong how far it was the truck he wanted to look at. I was okay with it him, and I had a great day together. Today it’s Saturday evening, and it’s the longest day literally. Getting dark around 4 is horrible and my thoughts are reflecting back to this last week and it’s not good. I do not do well with sitting around. And that’s what it’s been today. I am hoping I can settle in a bit cozy in on the couch with some hot tea and my chrome book and watch a movie peacefully. And settle my thoughts. I am anxiously waiting for this holiday to go by and get some kind of normalcy back. If that. I just need a week to get back and do my appts and me time. and stop thinking about everything and just do and stop worrying if I did enough for this Christmas. Oh, what it’s become. My kids are adults, and I need to let go of the should of and have to’s, which I am so good at. And wishing someone could get on board with switching it up a bit now. Sadly things do change. And I am good with it .its healthy to change.but my partner hmm not.. And it’s frustrating. Like I said long yr long day and too much thinking ng and not doing.

    Writing,… Random thoughts.

    The dark is upon us; the moon fights to show its appearance. The clouds glaze over it stealing its light. The winds blow swaying the trees, a branch gently taps against the window. My heart feels as dark and yet alive as the trees. My thoughts roll through my mind like they roll through the dark sky. Just need to feel you near. Hear your voice to bring my heart out of this darkness. And set it on fire. Then the clouds in my head will fade away. And my mind and body will feel at ease. I whisper your name, hoping the wind will gently carry it to you. And you will return to me .

    This is by John, The Eclectic. Contrarian

    Inspired by my post.

    She sits and watches the moon .

    And thinks thoughts

    Darker than her coffee.

    Maybe she’s in tune with the dark

    Or it’s lunacy.

    Love Johns’s writing. Need to check it out.

    Turmoil..

    Turmoil. That has been my word the last yr or so.life is so full of chaos whether it’s by the government, humanity, within a family. It’s just there. And I know life is beautiful and how you make it. Yes, I heard it all before. But sometimes we are not left to choose how we want our lives to play out. Yes, we can question the paths we take. Were they the right ones? Well, we do not know until we have crossed them and then we choose from there. Than there’s, the surprises life throws in. Some good some not. And then how we deal with them how we move on from them. All I know is you keep trying. Keep pushing, running, crawling however, it takes to keep moving forward. If we stop we loose the momentum to keep going.

    Full moon

    • (Hope you don’t mind the music in the video .. )The moon is full and bright tonight. The light radiating from it has my yard filled with shadows. It’s creepy how the woods look when there’s a full moon. I would doubt the animals are roaming around tonight it’s so cold . I was just talking with a friend tonight on FB who said they were working a 6 to 6 shift tonight making snow at out local ski resort. Soon skiers and snowboarders will be enjoying the slopes. My son loves to snowboard . Did so much of it throughout his elementary and high school yrs . Then the first yr after graduating . Now I think he will be too busy to enjoy. I use to love going and watching him when he was younger flying down the slopes . Yes at time I closed my eyes . ( hahaha) we did have a moment of some snow flakes but then the sun came out nice and bright. Not that I minded. I was even shocked that I enjoyed the cold . I actually found it refreshing. People have laughed at this when I told them this. Just trying to stay positive about it . I need to I dread winter. I’m a fire sign I need the sun. No sun is not good. My friend keeps telling me to go to a tanning salon and It would make me happy . I’m not sure if I dare. I’ve heard so many different things on this .
    • It’s midnight and at the moment I’m wide awake. I’m watching Long Island Medium . My friend thinks I should go onto her website and try to see her. I don’t know . I love Theresa I’m just afraid what she may come up with. I feel deeply . So it scares me a bit. Before my mom had passed she asked for me . I was home taking care of my newborn. She told my sisters who were with her she needed to talk to me then she passed. This has had me wondering for yrs. maybe it was nothing… but what if it was something ..do I want to know or will it just cause me anguish? Once you open that door it will be hard to close. Oh how we wonder. Well time to think of getting some sleep. Goodnight everyone.

    Watching , thinking….

    As I sat at the parking lot in the quietness of my car while my daughter went quickly into the store . The late evening was showing it’s arrival with the darkening sky the parking lot light came on. Setting a dim shadow across the parking lot . People walked in and out of the store . As I watched I could hear the echoing sounds from the outside the laughter and chatter of people . Some young girls holding on one another laughing to one another and zig zagging as they bumped into one another . There were some where they walked in alone smile on their face and a bounce in their footsteps looking like they found the key to life’s happiness. Then there was the people who walked alone at a slow unsure pace shoulders slouched and no smile upon their face. Maybe a bad day .. or just thinking? All I know is yes I was thinking .. always thinking. Sometimes we think we can perceive someone by their appearance their actions. Sometimes not But do we ever really know their story. Do we care ? Should we ? Yes I believe so . I think we should keep our eyes wide open . You never know when you will see someone’s actions for a cry for help , for a listening ear a shoulder to lean on. Just to care even if it lifts them up in that moment or day. If there is something their going through. And why should we be aware ? maybe one day we may need to have , Hope someone will notice our actions and ask if we need a shoulder to lean on.

    Late night movies..

    1. Saturday night my daughter and I settled on the couch and enjoyed the movie The Notebook . We have seen it “hundred times ” but it just never gets old. Yes we laughed and we cried but that’s what happen with good movies. 2 hours went by quickly and it was midnight when we looked up from the TV . My daughter sighed as she yawned . Tiredly telling me how she enjoyed watching it once again. Moments later she headed down to her place and I stayed there cozy wrapped in my blanket in the darkness … yes thinking , thinking about the movie the meaning of it . Yes like I stated seen it ” a hundred times but I’m always amazed how every time I watch it I find something new that jumps out at me . And it sets more meaning to me . As I sat there pondering . I decided I wanted to watch it again .. crazy? (Hahaha ) no I just wasn’t tired and ready to move from my cozy spot. And I thought it would be nice to just watch alone . This movie has so many emotions in it . And yes I feel everyone one of them to my core . I cozied more into my blanket and before I knew it it was over . And my eyes were moist from the tears that once again built up in them. It’s kind of a silly thing when watching a movie that can make you so sad also makes you feel good. And you would shed those tears a”100 times over” to feel those emotions again.