It’s a beautiful day the sun is shining the temps are just right. House is clean suppers set but why… can’t I stop my mind from thinking about everything …. so much coming up it’s over whelming me and my thoughts just go to the worry mode why… what happened to my saying , take it one day at a time . One thing at a time should add to my motto list. I’m not taking my own advice too well.. ughh so frustrating . Why am I so afraid that things will work out think positive… why . I guess this is why everything is done in this house today earlier then usual racing around trying to ignore my thoughts. I know over thinking worry does not change anything. It will be what will be . I just pray that God can wash these thoughts away ..
The kitchen table .. is not just for breakfast , lunch and dinner , it’s a place for endless nights of doing homework. it’s the best place in house to enjoy a hot cup of your favorite coffee ..tea or whatever your liking is. As you enjoy a simple chat before heading out to start your day . Or a quiet moment to talk over a bad day . For me it’s the place where many moments memories are made good or bad but especially the good , the kitchen table holds on to all our laughing silly or deep conversations about life . It has heard many happy birthday songs and held many cakes of all occasions to enjoy.It hears our dreams as we sit with our cups of coffee warming our hand s and chatting about those dreams we want or we should of persude . The kitchen table is like an old friend that is always there to sit around to comfort our so many thoughts and yes that what I feel as I know it’s my favorite place in the house . The conversations get less and less as we grow and sometimes as I’m sitting here yes with my coffee and staring out my window I can hear the laughing see the tears that have been shed here . .. and I notice a slight carve into the old tattered wood where my kids I couldn’t say which one 🙂 where there’s a pencil marking when I may not have been looking someone tried carving their name or a marker stain and I smile thinking oh this table hasn’t heard the last of the laughter or deep conversations they’ll be more but of a different older time when they come home .. deeper voices .. more confident grown adults looking to enjoy a cup of coffee and a nice conversation.❤️
Quietness is such a lonely feeling .. it make the nights even darker . The house is not even making its creaking noises . Everything seems settle except for my mind . My thought are scattered like a puzzle my emotions feel like there twirling like a tornado …so strange this newness .. is change ever easy !
The night is upon us . The house is quiet , everyone in their beds sleeping , no sound from the outside the boys (coyotes) must be hunting or settled somewhere else tonight . The train with it’s lonely whistle through the darkness is not to be heard tonight as well . All is quiet so I will settle under my blankets absorbing the warmth of them and drift off to dream land… goodnight everyone.
Hmmm.. being a mom is such an amazing most beautiful feeling .That first moment whether it’s your 1st 2nd etc amount of children you have that special moment holding them in your arms and them looking up at you is like no other feeling you will ever know and you want to hold on to them and never ever let them go . You will protect them with all your might. There is nothing you wouldn’t do to keep them from hurting or succeeding in life…..but then the teenage yrs come and they turn into a person you know is your child but this attitude this whole new person standing in front of you is not that little girl or boy you held in your arms not that long ago okay well yes very long ago. Many moons ago but to a mom the time is irrelevant You know that little child is in that grown body some where now telling you their fine they got this let me be . Oh but those are words you thought you would never hear or would of taken a little bit longer to get here then it did. Why does time have to fly by so fast .
My mind keeps counting how many months to graduation and my anxiety grows.. every college application every moment waiting for that email or letter in the mail and seeing if they get in or the disappointment on their face when one college has gotten back to them and it’s a not at this time . So you watch them wait for the next . Oh and as the wait goes on you think how one step closer they will be-to starting this journey of life . As a parent a mom that journey also consists of change for us as well … figuring out what we do now when all you really have done has been a stay at home mom ,one because it worked and two because of my disability . ..But still what to do ? So my anxiety is up and flaring and I’m trying to change some things now so it won’t be so hard when he is off. Oh believe me he’s helping this hahaha my son and daughter are not home much my daughter the oldest is here more she has a place downstairs and a steady job and saving up and paying her car off so she is comfortable at the moment with her kitty living here with her . My son the youngest is ready to run . They are so opposite and it’s coming to light so much more now that their older … anyways my son is helping this change he’s usually at practice the gym with friends ,working or hiding out in his room that part is nice 🙂 I must say I’m happy I have this blog it keeps me busy and something to look forward too plus I love my adult coloring and I’m reading more once again . Soon I can spend some time out with my friends and not worry about all the ice and snow . The days are getting longer. As I hope my spouts of anxiety get shorter 🙂
I honestly believe that love is the hardest part of living , but at the same time best part of living .. yes love can feel so good and make you feel this deep sensation deep down inside to your soul and yet at the same time can be the hardest and saddest most painful feeling you ever experienced . How can one word one feeling be so complicated an the most best or worst thing in your life . Love is such a powerful word .
I slept in a bit then I made my way to the kitchen for a nice hot cup of coffee as I enjoyed it I tuned into the Today show shocked to hear the news that Matt Lauer made it to the list of mistreating women …not going to be the same watching this , well now he pays the price for his actions. I have other opinions but will not state them . ..So I finished my coffee and started my day as usual. laundry , tidy up the house , as I watched my soapy and yelled at the television hahaha my daughter loves when I get in to my show so intensely. I did some Christmas decorating around the house as Miss Abigail looked on as well . Then the phone call came in hospital setting up an appointment for my son for his MRI on his knee luckily for him they had an opening within an hr today if he wanted to go of course we said yes so I dropped what I was doing and went and got ready to bring him . So now hopefully we can get in sooner with the therapist to tell us what’s going on and what needs to be done . I just hope he keeps his head on straight and knows there is no running this winter but rehab to get this knee ready for spring track. His rushing makes me a bit nervous because I know with his way of thinking he will rush this and as usual his impulsive thinking will get him in trouble. Oh his mind works in such mysteries ways….yes he is a teenager and he his making this mom have more grey hair then she wants. I must say I love how he needs me to get him to places and then we get home and he is so oh I’m independent I’ could of done this on my own ughhh enough to make a mom crazy . Would I want him any other way hmm …haha no I wouldn’t some days he reminds me of myself as a teenager so naive cocky , and I mature hahahaha sadly. Now I’m settled in and going to do some coloring before it gets to late . Can’t believe it’s 10 already.