Hurricane Florence .. not good

Rainy dark morning …thankfully the thunderstorm has subsided and now just rain , it’s scary when you notice a storm is just not a simple storm anymore they are so strong and damaging . My prayers go out to the Carolinas and the other states in the path of hurricane Florence ,I have been watching the weather channel and Twitter is doing a good job of tracking this and giving out a lot of info . She’s a monster and no chance of slowing down. It’s stated that the storms are so and getting more powerful because the ocean water is warmer Hmm .. sounds like Global warming to me . Some may debate this but so be it . That’s for another time let’s just keep all that are in it’s path in your thoughts and prayers

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Good Morning!

Woke to the sun shining bright into my room did my usual scroll through Twitter , Instagram , email before dragging myself to a shower . When I walked out to the kitchen to get my morning cup of coffee I am greeted by Miss Abigail who was staring at me from the chair it seems she has slept in all night . I think my daughter came in late and Miss Abigail settled herself upstairs. Now I have a coffee buddy. My son has just headed out the door for to the gym. Then a run and swim then back home for food and rest then who knows . I see he has marked targets in our woods using plastic milk cartons paper targets to practice his shooting for his Army drills .. he has an air soft gun that shoots pellets . To practice with. Every day it get a bit closer to him leaving and him all business . He is so focused and ready. It throws me how fast he grew into a man . I guess it’s true the youngest grow up so much faster . My daughter seemed stay so young much longer then him. ..

Last night I decided to read out in the living room so the light wouldn’t bother my hubby since he is back to work this week and having a hard time falling asleep early since he stayed up late with me watching movies sitting outside late and just chatting. I read more of Sharp Objects. yes it is a bit different then the mini series. Still very bizarre is the word I am going to use to describe it, ( hahaha) I got into but not so I’m thinking it’s going to be one of those books where I do read it but put it down take a break then pick it up again . There is not many books that I do not finish once I start . It makes you want to keep picking it back up .well time to get this day started.. have a good day everyone .

Thinking too much…

It’s a beautiful day the sun is shining the temps are just right. House is clean suppers set but why… can’t I stop my mind from thinking about everything …. so much coming up it’s over whelming me and my thoughts just go to the worry mode why… what happened to my saying , take it one day at a time . One thing at a time should add to my motto list. I’m not taking my own advice too well.. ughh so frustrating . Why am I so afraid that things will work out think positive… why . I guess this is why everything is done in this house today earlier then usual racing around trying to ignore my thoughts. I know over thinking worry does not change anything. It will be what will be . I just pray that God can wash these thoughts away ..

Kitchen table..

The kitchen table .. is not just for breakfast , lunch and dinner , it’s a place for endless nights of doing homework. it’s the best place in house to enjoy a hot cup of your favorite coffee ..tea or whatever your liking is. As you enjoy a simple chat before heading out to start your day . Or a quiet moment to talk over a bad day . For me it’s the place where many moments memories are made good or bad but especially the good , the kitchen table holds on to all our laughing silly or deep conversations about life . It has heard many happy birthday songs and held many cakes of all occasions to enjoy.It hears our dreams as we sit with our cups of coffee warming our hand s and chatting about those dreams we want or we should of persude . The kitchen table is like an old friend that is always there to sit around to comfort our so many thoughts and yes that what I feel as I know it’s my favorite place in the house . The conversations get less and less as we grow and sometimes as I’m sitting here yes with my coffee and staring out my window I can hear the laughing see the tears that have been shed here . .. and I notice a slight carve into the old tattered wood where my kids I couldn’t say which one 🙂 where there’s a pencil marking when I may not have been looking someone tried carving their name or a marker stain and I smile thinking oh this table hasn’t heard the last of the laughter or deep conversations they’ll be more but of a different older time when they come home .. deeper voices .. more confident grown adults looking to enjoy a cup of coffee and a nice conversation.❤️

Still….

The night is upon us . The house is quiet , everyone in their beds sleeping , no sound from the outside the boys (coyotes) must be hunting or settled somewhere else tonight . The train with it’s lonely whistle through the darkness is not to be heard tonight as well . All is quiet so I will settle under my blankets absorbing the warmth of them and drift off to dream land… goodnight everyone.

Anxiety…

Hmmm.. being a mom is such an amazing most beautiful feeling .That first moment whether it’s your 1st 2nd etc amount of children you have that special moment holding them in your arms and them looking up at you is like no other feeling you will ever know and you want to hold on to them and never ever let them go . You will protect them with all your might. There is nothing you wouldn’t do to keep them from hurting or succeeding in life…..but then the teenage yrs come and they turn into a person you know is your child but this attitude this whole new person standing in front of you is not that little girl or boy you held in your arms not that long ago okay well yes very long ago. Many moons ago but to a mom the time is irrelevant You know that little child is in that grown body some where now telling you their fine they got this let me be . Oh but those are words you thought you would never hear or would of taken a little bit longer to get here then it did. Why does time have to fly by so fast .

My mind keeps counting how many months to graduation and my anxiety grows.. every college application every moment waiting for that email or letter in the mail and seeing if they get in or the disappointment on their face when one college has gotten back to them and it’s a not at this time . So you watch them wait for the next . Oh and as the wait goes on you think how one step closer they will be-to starting this journey of life . As a parent a mom that journey also consists of change for us as well … figuring out what we do now when all you really have done has been a stay at home mom ,one because it worked and two because of my disability . ..But still what to do ? So my anxiety is up and flaring and I’m trying to change some things now so it won’t be so hard when he is off. Oh believe me he’s helping this hahaha my son and daughter are not home much my daughter the oldest is here more she has a place downstairs and a steady job and saving up and paying her car off so she is comfortable at the moment with her kitty living here with her . My son the youngest is ready to run . They are so opposite and it’s coming to light so much more now that their older … anyways my son is helping this change he’s usually at practice the gym with friends ,working or hiding out in his room that part is nice 🙂 I must say I’m happy I have this blog it keeps me busy and something to look forward too plus I love my adult coloring and I’m reading more once again . Soon I can spend some time out with my friends and not worry about all the ice and snow . The days are getting longer. As I hope my spouts of anxiety get shorter 🙂