Saturday night my daughter and I settled on the couch and enjoyed the movie The Notebook . We have seen it “hundred times ” but it just never gets old. Yes we laughed and we cried but that’s what happen with good movies. 2 hours went by quickly and it was midnight when we looked up from the TV . My daughter sighed as she yawned . Tiredly telling me how she enjoyed watching it once again. Moments later she headed down to her place and I stayed there cozy wrapped in my blanket in the darkness … yes thinking , thinking about the movie the meaning of it . Yes like I stated seen it ” a hundred times but I’m always amazed how every time I watch it I find something new that jumps out at me . And it sets more meaning to me . As I sat there pondering . I decided I wanted to watch it again .. crazy? (Hahaha ) no I just wasn’t tired and ready to move from my cozy spot. And I thought it would be nice to just watch alone . This movie has so many emotions in it . And yes I feel everyone one of them to my core . I cozied more into my blanket and before I knew it it was over . And my eyes were moist from the tears that once again built up in them. It’s kind of a silly thing when watching a movie that can make you so sad also makes you feel good. And you would shed those tears a”100 times over” to feel those emotions again.
What is it about thinkers ? Our minds are either calm or racing with thoughts so deep you feel them through your body right into your soul. The thoughts run endlessly through our minds . Words spoken from someone whether there meant to to teach us a lesson or just said we can take them to the extreme and feel it in so many ways . We can replay them over and over in our minds trying to explain to ourselves what it means. Breaking the words into tiny little pieces and then like a puzzle putting them back together again to understand. Oh the mind of a thinker is so exhausting. When someone hurts we think about it and tend to feel hurt with them . Along with thinkers I believe we tend to feel more emotions then others and at times it’s draining . Sadly I love very deeply and once I love there is no end to it. so these qualities are hard to handle at times ..Sometimes it feels like so much weight on your shoulders but honestly it’s in your head. This weight we carry. I try and I try but my thoughts are endless as the ocean and no stopping the endless waves that come crashing in.
Life full of ups and downs turns and twists changes . Moving forward never looking back. Moments of sadness that can bring you to your knees but then only makes you stronger.
Beautiful moments that take your breath away .
A voice that makes you smile when hearing it.
The fast beat of the heart that is caused from moments that are only yours to keep .
The warmth of the arms that you hope to once feel wrapped around you.
The soft whispers in the night that makes everything alright .
The thoughts in your head telling you to be brave.
The comfort of the night . The energy of the moon.
The sunshine on your face warming you but giving you the energy to reach out to the Universe for guidance .
The deep desire you feel in your soul when you know you found what your looking for .
An ever burning flame never to be put out .
The endless night sky full of stars lighting above watching over you
The distant scent that is a love one that has passed but you know is near.
The feeling in your stomach telling you something is not right. .. never ignore.
Taken the bad to lead to the good. No matter how hard.
The many paths that only you can or not to choose .
The rights and wrongs but what is right and what is wrong? Only you can know.
The words unspoken.
The silence that says it all.
The tears that fall but the tears that do not .
We are only human . We are who we are . No one can replicate us .
We are our own being.
Accept , Laugh , distaste , love, hate , desire if you may but we are only who we are ..
Just thoughts .. writing randomly what ever came out and well this is what came out .. hmm interesting.. 🙂 maybe not for many who will like but just writing..
I wake or I believe I’m awake. Darkness surrounds me. I feel like a child playing hide n seek and I’m grabbing and reaching for walls to guide me through this darkness. It’s so quiet everything is calm too calm. But in my head I’m hearing a faint scream. Is it me? I yell out are you there where are you . But no one answers back. Then I recognize the voice of the scream I hear it’s mine. Why oh why is it so dark why is no one there I begin to yell out again but then I’m awaken the sun is bright blinding .. I’m awake.
Life has been such a strange twists and turns of emotions since the beginning of summer. Leading my thoughts in every direction. and I just want to get off this rollercoaster at times. On Sunday my thoughts where quiet . I relaxed and settled in on my couch with my chrome book and the beautiful warm sun shining in on me warming me as I caught up well started to catch up on all your wonderful posts. The house was quiet my son once again headed back to his college dorm. And when he left the liveliness of the house left with him. The house feels sadly like a quiet hollow shell. It’s not that I haven’t adjusted to him now living in his dorm . SurprisinglyI have better then I ever thought I would. It’s just hard when he comes home on weekends and he comes in like a hurricane and leaves like one. (hahaha) yes it’s a country song but it’s the only way I can describe it. I think why my thoughts are in every direction is since both my kids are young adults now I am not in the Mother mode well always a mom but it’s on a whole new level . We can only guide and be there for them . It’s their time to find their own path and yes they will make mistakes but they will learn. I believe I’m finding my new path on this next chapter. I’m finding ME again . The person I was before kids ,is slowly floating up to the surface and of what and who I have been for so long is breaking off in bits and pieces . And I’m remembering the the person who was so social never went a day without laughter in it. A smile constantly on my face. That was replace with a serious detail to the limit non social person because I focused so much on the responsibilities of being a mother. Yes I did smile and laugh but it was different . I’m now left with no routine no place to have to be only if I want to be. I have reconnected with friends. And the best part I’m taking care of ME . Eating healthier and feeling good doing it. With a chronic illness it’s important . Yes at times it’s hard but I know I won’t stop . Just need to keep moving forward so with that said yes this has been my focus and not everyone is on board with me at times… okay that part is for another day but I cannot will not be discouraged . It’s just keeping it going and seeing that part of me I thought I lost so many years ago .Yes we age . We do change but we are still who we are and that is okay. So bear with me sometimes my posts will seem all over the place like my scattered thoughts but it’s all good..
The thoughts run endlessly through my mind. I try to calm them . But it seems like an endless battle. The thoughts of so many emotions. Fear, happy sad lost. Why ? Sometimes our mind is our worse enemy as the saying goes. I try to to calm it I focus on my breathing . I think of my happy place where I’m running endlessly through the field of endless beautiful green soft grass under my feet . Daisy’s all around me the sight is beautiful . My mind calms ..the thoughts slowly fade I stay focus on this beautiful sight . Until no thoughts cloud my mind. A feeling of calmness takes over and my mind is for now at peace.
My mind is clear as the crystal blue ocean water , my eyes only see the beautiful rays of light. My energy is endless… my heart beats echoing through my soul . I crave for more of this awakening for this freedom I have never felt before . I yearn for a touch ever so gentle that send chills through my body . I want for more I need more, oh this feeling is like a forbidden fruit .. eat it and I will get burned or not and I will still not feel you near . Either way I will loose