Still….

The night is upon us . The house is quiet , everyone in their beds sleeping , no sound from the outside the boys (coyotes) must be hunting or settled somewhere else tonight . The train with it’s lonely whistle through the darkness is not to be heard tonight as well . All is quiet so I will settle under my blankets absorbing the warmth of them and drift off to dream land… goodnight everyone.

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Anxiety…

Hmmm.. being a mom is such an amazing most beautiful feeling .That first moment whether it’s your 1st 2nd etc amount of children you have that special moment holding them in your arms and them looking up at you is like no other feeling you will ever know and you want to hold on to them and never ever let them go . You will protect them with all your might. There is nothing you wouldn’t do to keep them from hurting or succeeding in life…..but then the teenage yrs come and they turn into a person you know is your child but this attitude this whole new person standing in front of you is not that little girl or boy you held in your arms not that long ago okay well yes very long ago. Many moons ago but to a mom the time is irrelevant You know that little child is in that grown body some where now telling you their fine they got this let me be . Oh but those are words you thought you would never hear or would of taken a little bit longer to get here then it did. Why does time have to fly by so fast .

My mind keeps counting how many months to graduation and my anxiety grows.. every college application every moment waiting for that email or letter in the mail and seeing if they get in or the disappointment on their face when one college has gotten back to them and it’s a not at this time . So you watch them wait for the next . Oh and as the wait goes on you think how one step closer they will be-to starting this journey of life . As a parent a mom that journey also consists of change for us as well … figuring out what we do now when all you really have done has been a stay at home mom ,one because it worked and two because of my disability . ..But still what to do ? So my anxiety is up and flaring and I’m trying to change some things now so it won’t be so hard when he is off. Oh believe me he’s helping this hahaha my son and daughter are not home much my daughter the oldest is here more she has a place downstairs and a steady job and saving up and paying her car off so she is comfortable at the moment with her kitty living here with her . My son the youngest is ready to run . They are so opposite and it’s coming to light so much more now that their older … anyways my son is helping this change he’s usually at practice the gym with friends ,working or hiding out in his room that part is nice 🙂 I must say I’m happy I have this blog it keeps me busy and something to look forward too plus I love my adult coloring and I’m reading more once again . Soon I can spend some time out with my friends and not worry about all the ice and snow . The days are getting longer. As I hope my spouts of anxiety get shorter 🙂

Feelings…

I honestly believe that love is the hardest part of living , but at the same time best part of living .. yes love can feel so good and make you feel this deep sensation deep down inside to your soul and yet at the same time can be the hardest and saddest most painful feeling you ever experienced . How can one word one feeling be so complicated an the most best or worst thing in your life . Love is such a powerful word .

Mom stuff…

I slept in a bit then I made my way to the kitchen  for a nice hot cup of coffee as I enjoyed it I tuned into  the Today show shocked to hear the news that Matt Lauer made it to the list of mistreating women  …not going to be the same watching this , well  now he pays the price for his actions. I have other opinions but will not state them . ..So I finished my coffee and started my day as usual. laundry , tidy up the house , as I watched my soapy and yelled at the television hahaha my daughter loves when I get in to my show so intensely. I did some Christmas decorating around the house as Miss Abigail looked on as well . Then the phone call came in hospital setting up an appointment for my son for his MRI on his knee luckily for him they had an opening within an hr today if he wanted to go of course we said yes so I dropped what I was doing and went and got  ready to bring him . So now hopefully we can get in sooner with the therapist to tell us what’s going on and what needs to be done . I just hope he keeps his head on straight and knows there is no running this winter but rehab to get this knee ready for spring track. His rushing makes me a bit nervous because I know with his way of thinking he will rush this and as usual his impulsive thinking will get him in trouble. Oh his mind works in such mysteries ways….yes he is a teenager and he his making this mom have more grey hair then she wants. I must say I love how he needs me to get him to places and then we get home and he is so oh I’m independent I’ could of done this on my own ughhh enough to make a mom crazy . Would I want him any other way hmm …haha no I wouldn’t some days he reminds me of myself as a teenager so naive cocky , and I mature hahahaha sadly. Now I’m settled in and going to do some coloring before it gets to late . Can’t believe it’s 10 already.

Life…

Life…. Should be lived one day at a time ,and we should never take anything or anybody for granted we should always be grateful for what we have and cherish the people in our lives its not about how many things we have or how much money we make its about being with the ones you love and their happiness , that is what I believe , because life is just too short.❤️

Hmm.. waiting …teenagers!

It’s 10:30 at night and your laying in bed and nothing good is on t.v.  Your waiting for your teenager to arrive home because he is out with his friends but for some reason a good reason you can’t help what is going through your mind.. hmm not good things I will admit … so what do you do to distract yourself  and wait patiently … you play Bubble Pop on your phone. Hahahaha is it working yes more then the flipping through t.v. Channels and reading . Now I’m not saying it works for everyone but for me it helps 🙂 luckily he texted me said he was on his way so hopefully soon. This game is very addicting. I’ve found it awhile ago it helps on occasions like this . Do not try it to get you  to sleep it doesn’t work I’ve tried , …it keeps me up. Well back to playing until my son arrives goodnigh  Everyone.