Give me strength …

it’s night time once again … happy that this week will soon be over and then April vacation begins on Monday for my son , yay!!!! He needs a break from all the drama at school and needs a break from people he thought was his friend best friend but sadly my son found out the hard way … my son holds trust and loyalty so high and now this kid who broke his trust will never see my son as a friend again . My son won’t let that happen.. why do people have no guilt in hurting others ? Life can be cruel in so many ways but I’m hoping in less then two months when he graduate he will see life in a different light . Yes not always easy but so worth looking to another day , new beginnings hopefully he will see a happier road in front of him . I pray that he will .

Yes being a teenager has its drama but it’s so different these days . The times have changed people not all but a lot are out for them self’s . I try I’ve taught my kids to be good people , but in this world like the saying goes … “nice guys finish last ” but just maybe being last isn’t so bad maybe its a good thing if your last then your not up there where all the hurtful disloyal people are ., yes… I try to find a silver lining out of everything .. one of my many faults ,hmm maybe but it keeps me hopeful that silver lining .. when I pray at night I always tell god it’s so hard down here why ? I wish he would answer maybe then I could find the answer the would be able to see that smile on my sons face more often , Or hear my daughter come home from work and tell me one time how nice a customer was to her then to hear how they complained over her not having something that they so needed that they had to be so hurtful aboutūüôĄ Really is this right? No ! Karma I want to say but with that make me any better then them … just hard being a parent hurt me I can take it but do not hurt my kids. Well on that note I will try to settle my mind down and let this humming of the fan hahaha yes gotta love this fan ūüôā drift me off to sleep . Maybe hubby is snoring could be a long night ūüėā

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Tired….

Oh this time change is not going to be easy …. let’s see my hubby and I settled in bed around 9 and I can’t even tell you how many live PD episodes my hubby was watching as I adult colored . My daughter and her friend came home around 10:30 my son was snowboarding with his friends till closing … then I get a text that he was staying after with the ski school department he works for saying they where going to have pizza , play pool , then would be home . Well lets Just say this was around 10 and it’s 11:30 and he’s still out live PD is not what you watch over and over … I put my coloring away told my hubby to go to bed I would text him if it got close to his driving curfew 12:30 … oh lets just say I was hoping my son didn’t make me feel I had to text him I wanted him to know I trust him . So I laid there dozing off and on looking at my my bedroom window hoping above the shade would light up , when someone drives in at night it lights up the yard and my window.. hmm so it got to 12:10 no light , I closed my eyes begging don’t make me call hahaha when I open my eyes saw no light heard no door opening I grabbed my phone I lit it up to text what’s up when ahh.Saw Lights ….yes ! I quickly shut the screen to darkness and put it on my night stand and got comfortable and acted like I was settled he came in I could see him come walking down peaked in to my room I said oh did you lock up ? he said yup all set goodnight. I said goodnight with a smile on my face looked up and said thank you for getting him home safe and on time and for my patience. ūüôā

Morning came and yes time change had kicked my butt hahaha and it was going on 8 ughh when I dragged myself out of bed and into the shower even though by rights it was 7 … and my son is back up on that mountain already his third home well he’s working but it’s his third home second is the gym . My hubby and I are just sitting here enjoying our coffee in a daze .. my hubby will be going to a friends this afternoon to play some cribbage with a friend a thing he does with an old friend of his twice a month I will stay back do some more adult coloring on the page I was working on last night that I’m really enjoying. Still feel a bit under the weather. .

Hottt….

Another evening settling in bed where the air conditioner feels the best yes another extremely hot day and night so TV it  is and after I believe  I will read my book and wait for my son to arrive home from work hmm this will be interesting will he be in a good mood or bad ..you never know with teenagers. I am proud of myself  , last night my son went out with friends and gf for a bite to eat, about an hr or so later he texted me now at the movies so I held my breath and typed okay have fun remember curfew . Ok this was hard because I held back the 20 questions he calls being drilled well I didn’t and let me tell you I fell asleep for once before he arrived home of course my ringer volume was on the highest incase he called or texted , I do not think my hubby was thrilled when my twitter or Facebook notifications went off throughout the night ….whoops ūüôā of course guess who it didn’t wake up ?  ME!  I did wake up randomly at 3 and saw that the outdoor light was off so at least he was home hahaha 

           Morning came and I was enjoying my morning cup of coffee my son woke looked at me with wonder I had to laugh inside a bit because I think he was in shock oh I patted myself on the back so to speak  for holding back . Oh I’m trying and trying hard to trust and let give a bit of  this chain called over protected mother . I will keep you posted how well I can keep this up .

ME!!!

I am a happy  nice  and given  person but hurt me or my family you will feel my wrath .

I am strong  , stubborn person but can have my moments of weakness in most cases you will not see unless I let you. .. do not underestimate me I can put up a good fight for what I believe in.

I am religious I believe..¬† I pray but I it’s¬† private and personal for me.

I love to socialize I a can talk to anyone and everyone but my circle is small ..In the past I’ve let in to many and learned so small fits me well.

I live for today and blessed for every new day. I have loved many and lost many too.

I love deeply and hurt easily.

I am simple and live simple I do not ask for much . Drama is not in my vocab.

I only ask or want for happiness and good health for myself and family.

I am ME .

 

 

 

 

Thoughts….

I wake up to a sunny but cold day. My thoughts feel all over the place is it the full moon? I just want to feel¬† like Myself again.. but I feel like that person is is gone when you went away and I found who was by my side to help me through sad when you find how low¬† the number is of people you thought you had . Bitter sad anger all comes to mind but then am I to blame for this for believing I could trust any of you. . so I’m going to guard my heart do what I need to do for me and yes I am going to be selfish isn’t that what all of you are?

Hmm this is all I Have…

Oh boy this is going to be a long night. lets see my Son has been home long enough to eat dinner and tell his dad and I his day at school and practice if that… lets see our front door as had comings and goings with in the last hour of teenage boys including my son .I am thinking its not a homework night we will see. I trust them their all good kids just so hard keeping track I think it will be a texting night of where are you? before the evening is over . Now¬† my husband and I sit.. yes myself on the computer and him watching The wheel of fortune he loves that game show I can’t believe it still exists.¬† He started watching it again when one day him and my son where flipping through channels and they came upon it and my son challenged his father that he could get most of the puzzles right, I’m telling¬† you this happens all the time in my house with these guys…..yes sometimes it makes me a bit crazy but its all in good fun. I am waiting for shows to come on in a bit and that will be my husband and I cozy under our blankets in our bedroom with our pups faithfully sleeping at the end of the bed … hmmm at one time it was my husband myself and both of my kids at the end of our bed all covered up watching TV¬† with us,. then¬† my daughter after the shows where over she would tiredly walk with my¬† guidance to her room and my husband carring our son to his bed because he always feel asleep, now it’s replaced with me in bed watching our shows but my husband and I eyeing the time and myself texting my son in all capital letters GET HOME NOW!!!¬† it works. Oh a Mother;s job never done. I guess I will go settle and we will see if its going to be that kind of night…. Good Night Everyone.

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Self discovery…

It’s February¬† vacation for my Son this week. let’s see I think since it began Sunday was the longest Ive seen him. Ever since that day he has been at friends houses and sleepovers . …he is definitely¬† my teenager. It’s all good this February ¬† vacation has been moments of peacefulness contentment , I know what I mean or should say¬† what I¬† feel just trying to get it out in words will be hard but I will try so bare with me.On Sunday Valentines Day was celebrated by an anniversary Mass for my husbands grandmother . I grew up catholic¬† went to church every Sunday . Then married into a religious family brought raised my kid’s catholic but ….then life got crazy it was harder getting everyone to Church, yes sounds like excuses okay yes maybe??I will not deny. So we stop attending but I never stopped believing I say my prayers every night I still try to¬† instill this in my kid’s my daughter is an adult so this is her decision but my son is my struggle and¬† I mean a struggle and okay I do struggle with getting there too but once there I am good. I get this serene feeling that comes¬† over me. so yes this past weekend was a struggle¬† I held to it with my husbands help to get¬† my Son there¬† with us and the rest of the family .Off we went and it was such luck or fate I don’t know what to call it. the priest of the church ended up not feeling well so we had a retired priest that fills in and it was the one that my Son made his¬† first communion with and it was my sons last¬† class¬† that he taught then he retired . he is very dear to my heart and my sons he was down to earth but strict when he needed to be¬† but I always felt calmness with him so it was wonderful when we saw him and he was so happy to see my son hadn’t seen him and years and I think it was good for my son too, it made church go¬† so much smoother, the next thing that just seemed to fall into¬† place was when they said the sermon it was just¬† how I have been feeling the Deacon spoke and he talked about life getting more complicated¬† and parenting in¬† this day and age especially having¬† teenagers and finding the patience to parent them in this world ..etc.etc. My son and I looked at each other and just smirked it’s another moment I will never¬† forget.

Then my in-laws had made reservations at a restaurant which was the restaurant my husband and I¬† had our wedding reception at , as of Feb 25 th which will be 21 yrs this yr. so that was exciting and strange because we have not been back since our wedding My daughter had to work so it have been even better if she was there to share this with both my kid’s¬† oh but don’t you worry we will go back the four of us. So the day I was dreading because we had not been to church in awhile was turning out to be a moments of times¬† past, moments of signs¬† yes I do believe in signs and they seem to be every where that day¬† so amazing¬† how that happens .so this was so rewarding and did make me miss attending church like I should … so I’m thinking since the last two yrs have been a time of change I am thinking I may just start going to church on my own for my 0wn¬† peace of mind.¬† so we will see¬† life is funny at times and no matter how old we get we are always learning something new. I am learning about the next chapter of my life of taking care of my family but in a whole different way no more bedtime stories no more setting clothes out for them no holding their little hands while crossing the street. but letting go and trusting them letting them learn to cross the roads they go on with God guiding them and keeping them safe .